Day 258: The Fabulous Fork

What started off being a day of work followed by a quiet night at home turned into a day of work and happy hour with Mr. Wonderful's mom.

We had planned to go out tomorrow night, but decided to change things last minute.

It worked for me, since I didn't have anything else going on.

We set our plan into action, found a place to meet, and our impromptu, or maybe not so impromptu happy hour was set.

We decided to go to an upscale seafood restaurant near the mall that has happy hour all day during the summer.

It was so good to see her, it's been a very long time, and we needed to catch up.

We quickly ordered some wine and light appetizers to munch on, and I filled her in on the Cinderella prediction, and the quote and notecard at the bridal shower.

She laughed when I told her about my sissy escapade flinging the notecard concert dismissal on the desk at work.

It may seem a little weird, but she wants me to be happy, and has even said in the past that she'd like to meet this new man (I guess we should call him Prince Charming) so I feel comfortable sharing these things with her.

She would have been a fabulous mother-in-law that's for sure, but I know we will always be great friends and that's ok too.

While we were working on our second glass of wine, she asked me to hand her, her purse.

I thought maybe she was looking for her glasses, but instead she pulled a fork out.

I immediately knew what it was and I smiled.

This was Mr. Wonderful's fork, and it's not just any fork, it's an extenda-fork.

It has a telescopic handle so you can extend it out to about 2 and a half feet, to reach across a table, or to another table. I guess you could call it a gag fork.

I started laughing. I remember so vividly when he showed it to me. He couldn't wait to put it to use, and he knew exactly how he was going to do it.

Every year for his birthday the family would gather for dinner at a nice steakhouse in town.... and that's when he was going to bust it out.

I think it was one of the first or second times I was meeting his entire family, so needless to say I was a little nervous.

During dinner he asked his brother (keep in mind we're sitting at a round table that seats 10 people) if his mashed potatoes were good. Before his brother could get an answer out Mr. Wonderful put the extenda-fork to work to reach in and grab a bite off his plate.

Everyone thought it was hilarious, except the brother of course.

One of the last times I got together with his mom we had talked about the fork. She mentioned she had 2 of them and she wanted me to have one.

I completely forgot about it, but when she pulled it out I couldn't have been happier. I immediately put it in my purse to make sure the wait staff didn't grab it by mistake.

I don't quite know what I'm going to do with it when the time comes. I thought I may need it at work to keep me happy during stressful times.

But a fork is a hot commodity at work, and it could end up MIA. A few years ago they took away our plastic-ware, and now when anything that remotely resembles an eating utensil shows up people hord them and squirrel them away like they're gold!

I think I'll keep it at home for now, and maybe, just maybe, someday I'll pull it out and put Prince Charming to the test :)

Day 259: A woman on a mission

I woke up today with a mission in mind, I needed to return the ticket to the Jimmy Buffett concert in Los Angeles.

A guy I work with gave it to me as my birthday present, and as much as I love Jimmy Buffett I just can't bring myself to go.

This is the guy who never really 'mans up' and asks me out, he only sends subtle messages and for good reason, because I would shoot him down.

I am only interested in being friends, but when I do that, he thinks otherwise and it gets weird... and this is one of those occassions.

You don't just get a ticket for a concert that is hundreds of miles away with someone of the opposite sex and expect them to go with you.

I suppose he just 'maned up' and threw subtle out the window. The problem is this has been going on for years.. and by years... I mean 5... before I met Mr. Wonderful.

If I haven't jumped on the bandwagon yet, I'm not going to... and my mission today was to tell him that... well... kind of.

I woke up late... again... I know this really shouldn't be a surprise to anyone at this point, I don't even know why I mention it anymore.

As I was running out the door I had to run back in and try to find a non-descript note card that I could write a message in.

I ran across a box of blank ones with images of Monet paintings on them... BINGO!

I grabbed one and ran out the door.

When I got to work, I pulled the notecard and the ticket out of my purse and put it on my desk as a reminder.... then I cringed as I heard his voice.... CRAP! He was already there!

He normally works an evening shift, and I was hoping to sneak it on his desk before I got there.

Oh well, I'm flexible, that just gave me more time to think of something to write and I can leave it after he's gone for the day.

The problem was... I was now paranoid that he was working a 'double'.

At the end of the day I showed Sunshine the ticket and she gave me an evil little laugh because she knew what I was doing.

I told her the situation, and she offered to do a little reconnaissance operation for me.

She came back after her stealthy maneuvers she gave me the all clear.

While she was gone, I quickly wrote my note in the card.

I've been thinking a lot about this, and what I need to say. I think I need to keep things simple and short so I land on 'Thank you, but I can't. I'm sorry.'

That's all I would say to him face to face, so I think it's appropriate... sure it's a little chicken but it's still a step for me.

In the past I would have just held onto the ticket and ignored him for months on end until the concert was over then go from there... so believe it or not this is progress.

So once I knew the coast was clear I was off on my mission for the day.

I walked to an area my department uses, that is located near his desk.... even though Sunshine gave me the all clear I was still a little nervous.

Then I made my move... I walked over and stood next to a shelf on the opposite side of his cubicle and I flung the card. It landed right next to his keyboard, and I'm pretty sure no one saw me... then I ran away like some school kid who did a door knock ditch!

What is wrong with me?! I'm a grown adult, why do I do these things? I know why I do them, to avoid an awkward conversation that would end with me getting stressed from guilt and manipulation.

Yes, this is better. Forget the golden rule... or maybe not? Again I may want to have this happen to me instead of an awkward and embarrassing conversation.

Whatever, what's done is done and the rest is soon to be history.

After it was all over, I called Sunshine to tell her 'mission accomplished', her response... 'I'm so proud of you!'

I replied with 'Really? Why?? For being a sissy?' because that's how I feel. She said being weak would be not doing anything and going to the concert... I suppose she is right it's just a different tactic than most adults would take.

Then I texted the Coffee Fairy because she's been in the loop on the whole thing, and she said 'Congrats! Don't you feel fantastic?'

Truth be told, I don't... I feel a little happy, and a little guilty because of the whole golden rule thing and I told her that... she made a good point and said I shouldn't feel guilty because I'm the one being manipulated and I don't owe him anything.

Ok... so only one more person to inform... the BFF. Who this guy did the same thing to years ago... when I was with Mr. Wonderful... although he was much more overt professing his love to her.

I told her, knowing she would respond with 'what?! you haven't done that yet?!' first... then give me a bit of moral support... and I was right on track.

She said the same things as the other two girls and added in a bit of 'you can't help how you feel, and you can't help how he feels.'

Now I just get to sit back and wait to see what will happen from here.

Day 260: Cinderella rears her head... again

Bridal showers... frilly and girly and lots of love.... love surrounding the bride... the groom... and everyone around the event.

And that's where I found myself today.

I started talking to a few ladies and one of them suggested we sit down.

She picked the table, we sat down, and staring right at me was a quote from Cinderella.

'So this is love. So this is what makes life devine.'

My first thought was 'what?! seriously?! This is crazy!'

The quote was on the back of a handmade frame holding a picture of the happy couple.

As if that wasn't enough, a little later in the evening the organizers handed out small note cards so we could write a nice note to the bride to be.

Wouldn't you know it, the card that was placed right in front of me had a pair of shoes on it.

Again.... I think... now this is just getting weird!!

I know, it could be a coincidence, but that's one heck of a coincidence.

I ran it past the Coffee Fairy and she said the universe is sending some kind of message to me.

I even asked point blank 'would you tell me if you thought I was coo coo?' and she said 'absolutely... yes I would.' and I think I know her well enough to know she was speaking the truth.

I had heard one of the girls coming to the shower was recently engaged, and by recently I mean last night!

She arrived, and I couldn't wait to hear the story and of course see the ring!

I am so happy for her, it wasn't that long ago that she was miserable like the rest of us at work.

Then she left, went out on her own, and ended up meeting this great guy who is now her fiancee.

Their romance has been a whirlwind, they met in April and now in August they are engaged.

It gives me some hope that maybe it will and can happen to me, as long as I will let it.

The happy couple we were gathering to celebrate also has a beautiful love and engagement story.

I have a special spot in my heart for their engagement because of my personal history.

Her fiancee proposed shortly after she lost a close friend. One of the key messages during the funeral service was how you fill your 'dash'... meaning the dash on your headstone.

When her fiancee proposed he said he wanted to help fill her dash.... so sweet!

I can only hope to find another love story that is as beautiful as the two I encountered tonight.

Day 261: Day 16 on the tea leaf calendar

I woke up today feeling like crap.

I couldn't get out of bed this morning even after falling asleep at 930 last night.

There's never a good day to not feel good, but at least on the weekend you're usually a little safer.

But not for me today. I had a massage lined up and then it was going to be a race to the other side of town for a birthday party for Sweetheart's son.

When I did get up and start to get ready for my massage, it felt like my uterus was trying to escape my body through my back.

I was tired, and felt like I could be coming down with the cold/bug that's been going around in my department at work.

Before heading into the massage I sent Sweetheart a quick text to tell her I wasn't coming.

Since I didn't know what I had I certainly didn't want to go to her party and infect all of her guests. Who knows I could be a 'carrier'?

I basically spent all day resting.

In the back of my brain I realized today is day #16 for the tea reader, and when I woke up feeling like I did I was pretty sure Prince Charming wasn't coming.

Unless of course he was going to pick up my uterus after it clawed it's way out of my body. That's a disgusting twist on the traditional fairy tail huh?

Once again, if I wanted to eat anything I'd have to cook and I certainly wasn't feeling up to that, so by early evening I decided it was time to head out for pizza.

Once again, not exactly the places where I think I'm going to find PC, but then again you never know.

Well in this case I did know, he certainly wasn't at Little Ceasars tonight.

So I spent day 16 on the tea leaf calendar on my couch eating pizza, hot wings, and peanut m&m's.... but at least I'm feeling ok.... and now I can relax for the next 2 months or so, until I hit day 61.

Day 262: The best plans are the unexpected ones

A few weeks ago, Sunshine and I decided to go out and celebrate her getting the job, and us working together again.

Since I get $200 for referring her, I said I was buying.

We talked about heading to a nice steak restaurant, but after the week we've had we decided to take it down a notch and hit an upscale tavern.

She made it there before I did, and gave me a quick call to let me know about a change of plans.

There was only valet parking at the tavern, and she didn't have any cash to tip with so she decided to go to a dive bar next door for a drink.

The plan was to have one drink use their parking lot and then walk over to the tavern.

I thought it was a genius plan, because I didn't have any cash either. Which is pretty standard for me.

So we got to the dive bar, went inside and bellied up to the bar for our beer.

When I say dive bar, I mean dive bar this place is the definition.

Before we even ordered I went to the bathroom, which felt a little like a horror movie.

There was a light in a vaulted ceiling that kept flashing off and on, the air conditioning didn't work very well, so it was hot.

Then when I went to wash my hands I couldn't get the water to turn off. Not the usual way where there is a small stream that comes out if you don't get it closed tight.

There was a fine line between turning this one off and on full blast. The handle didn't ever stop it just kept going around, and you had to find the exact spot like a combination on you locker.

We got our beers, and one led to two. While we were sitting there we started talking about the comedy guy, who I met today and who is very young. Yet another 20-something. What is the universe trying to tell me here?

That sparked her memory and she said 'what day is it?' I said 'I think it could be 16'. And she replied, we've got to get you out of here! I laughed and did some recalculations and discovered today is actually day 15.

We continued with our beers with a small break so Sunshine could go outside to smoke.

The outside patio is really small, so we ended up sitting at a table with the owner.

We chatted him up a bit, he has some Parrothead memorabilia in the bar so I asked if he's a Jimmy Buffett fan, and sure enough he was, which made me happy.

We went back inside and tried to figure out our game plan, should we stay or head over to the tavern like we originally planned.

We couldn't rightfully walk out and leave our cars there with him sitting on the patio... that's just rude, not to mention he could have us towed!

So we decided to check out the menu and go from there. Either we were really hungry, or the menu wasn't half bad because we decided to get one more and stay and eat... and we were not disappointed.

We downed our food and our final beer and we were out the door by 8:15 exhausted and ready to hit the hay.

What started as an evening out at a nice restaurant, ended up being a nice evening out at a dive bar. It just goes to show you some of the best things in life aren't planned.

Day 263: Lucky Strike?

The day started with my director bombarding me with Mr. Fancy Plaid Pants.

The first thing out of her mouth past 'good morning' was 'we need to find out if the guy you were hitting on yesterday was an intern.'

Really? This is how my day starts? I barely had a few sips out of my coffee.

My response 'he was writing a report! I'm pretty sure he's in college but I think he's an older college student.'

She quickly replied with 'oh yes I'm sure he's an upper classman.. ha ha'

I had to laugh myself. It was pretty comical.

About an hour later I realized today is the VIP media grand opening of the Lucky Strike bowling alley in town.

Crap! I'm so not prepared for this, I completely forgot about it.

I waffled about whether I wanted to go, but finally decided I would even though my plus 1 bailed.

I walked in and the PR gal introduced me to some big wig, and they sent me on my way.

As I'm walking around I see everyone is fairly dressed up. I'm sporting jeans and a red t-shirt... grrreeeaaaat. Thankfully I threw on a bracelet and scarf to at least try to dress things up a bit.

I checked the place out, hoping to see something interesting I could make 'work related' but I was dodging cocktail waitresses, and overly dressed people.

It was about that time that I saw a girl I used to work with.

I breathed a quick sigh of relief and went over to say hi to her and her husband. We chatted and she said I could hang with them, and I was extremely grateful and relieved.

After chowing on a few appetizers, their pager got called to bowl, and they asked if I wanted to join them. I said no because I wasn't sure how long I wanted to stay.

A short time later one of the guys in their group asked why I wasn't bowling and my response was 'I've got a fear of commitment, I don't know when I'm going to bail'.

He laughed and said 'I can respect that'.

As we sat down I my atttention was torn between keeping an eye out for the waiter bringing me my beer, and the group I was with that was bowling.

My former co-worker came over and sat on the couch next to me and said 'this place would be great for a first date, it's loud so you wouldn't have to talk.' I replied with 'I'll keep that in mind.'

She didn't realize I was single then spouted off about a guy she thinks is cute who is shy but really nice. She's been trying to think of someone to set him up with and as luck (or should I say Lucky Strike) would have it, we ran into each other... and he may be coming by the studio tomorrow with one of the guests on the show.

Hmmmm.... interesting... expecially because tomorrow is day 16 for the tea reader.

I know, I know she said day 61, but I have to consider and obsess about all options at this point.

When she got up to take her turn bowling an older gentleman slid over and sat next to me and started up a conversation. He asked about my scarf, and my bracelet then what I do for a living... you know, the usual.

Then he said his friend thought I was cute, but he was shy and wanted to know if I was willing to talk to him.

I reluctantly agreed, and the friend came over. I'm sure he was a nice guy, but he was a total computer nerd... which is soooo not my thing.

But I'm polite so I continued the conversation, then I looked up and saw a current co-worker.... yay! I'm saved! Whooo hooo!!!

She said, hey there's someone over here you need to see, and so I excused myself.

On the way to the other side of the bar she said 'did you need to be saved or do you want to go back?' My reply 'oh no! thank you so much for getting me out of there!'

So the night continued and I got the chance to say hello and catch up with a few people.

At some point in the evening I realized I had chosen an unfortunate pair of underwear for the day especially given the activities.

You see I put on a pair of the female equivilant of the 'tidy whitey'... and my jeans seem to be doing that thing in the back where you can see the underwear.

Nice. At least my shirt was fairly long, so I thought I was ok as long as I didn't bend over.

By the time the new group got called to bowl I had a few beers and had forgotten about the whole issue.

Not that it mattered, I went to the lane armed again with my 'failure to commit' explanation for why I wasn't bowling, but this time it wasn't happening.

I got roped into it, and of course I had a good time, even though I bowled the worst frames of my life.... I actually got a 2.

I never get a 2! Oh well, it was all in good fun.

After it was all said and done one of the girls said 'hey I think one of the guys likes you.' Of course she was the one pushing us to bowl on the same lane... so I suspect she knew before she signed me up.

I certainly hope he wasn't staring at my butt, and if he was I'm hoping he thought he saw something lacey, frilly and cute.

I didn't get a chance to talk to him really at all, but from what I can tell, he seemed nice, but a little on the dorky side. I guess I am too though, so for me to say he is would be the pot calling the kettle black.

Anyway, she assures me 'he has layers, he's like an onion'. I'm not sure how to take that, but I guess we'll see.

Day 264: Fresh meat in fancy plaid pants

It started off as any normal day, and by that, I mean I hit the snooze button about 4 times, and ended up running late to work.

At one point during the day a strapping young man came into my department, and looked like he needed some help.

We made eye contact, and he asked me for the name of the area where we are located... of course I jumped at the opportunity to answer.

Why not?! Fresh meat in fancy plaid pants, who could resist?

Once I gave him the name, he explained that he was in the station yesterday and he forgot the name... and he needed it for a report!

This was not a corporate guy who was writing a report on efficiency in the workplace, it was a much different kind of report.

As he walked away, I looked at my director and we laughed.

I said to her 'he was writing a report!' She wrote it off as the 'fresh meat' syndrome... meaning we're always going to look at the eye candy we don't see everyday.

Of course I had to overthink it, and my first reaction was it felt a little inappropriate. Come on! How young was that guy if he was writing a report?!

He could have been in high school for goodness sake! Ok, so I doubt he was in high school.

In reality he looked like an older college student. You know the ones who get married and start working and then cut down on their classes so it takes them a long time to graduate?

That makes me feel a little bit better, at least he wasn't 20... as my director said 'nah, probably 22'. Great... that's all I need, to bring my dating average down a little more! ha ha

Not that he was asking, in fact he ran away so I'm pretty sure he wasn't even remotely interested.

After work I headed over for a little cat sitting duty. I'm watching 2 cats, one is really friendly, I'm not sure if I have ever petted the other one.

So I fed them and then went over to sit down, after the friendly cat finished eating he came over and jumped up on me to be petted.

I was tired, so I laid back on the couch and before I knew it, the friendly cat crawled up to lay on my belly and I started petting him... and before I knew it he was succeling on my belly!

I was wearing a dress so it wasn't like my bare belly, but it still creeped me out!

It's one thing to have my own cat do it, which just feels like the freaky relative that you accept.

But why is a cat I've only been around a few times doing it?

Now it's not about the freaky cat(s), it's about me?! I don't even want to try to figure out why it may be happening, because I think I'm afraid of the answer!

Is this one of those things you reveal on a date?? Cats have a freakish attraction to me?

Day 265: I am not a quitter! Yay!

A week and a half ago I wasn't sure this day would ever come.

I came home exhausted about work, life, and the thought of typing another word, and I even considered stopping this little experiment.

But for the first time in my life, I couldn't quit. I have no idea how that is even possible! I can't even finish reading a book for God's sake! I am the queen of starting projects and never finishing them.

It's not something I'm proud of, but it is something I 'own' because it's who I am.

But this time it was different. I thought about how I would feel when I turn 40 if I didn't finish, and how disappointed I would be in myself.

And this little voice inside my head pushed me on, and somehow I managed to get through it, and here I sit at day 100, very thankful that I made it.

Work, was work, full of the usual struggles and small victories.

One of my favorite parts of the day revolved around a guest, or should I say guests on the show.

They wrote a book called 'Dan & Mike's Guide to Men: 10 Secrets Every Woman Should Know from Two Guys Who Do'.

Interesting... I know men are pretty easy, but I still feel the need to overanalyze their actions, or lack there of, so when this one came across my desk I thought 'what the heck?!'

I got them on the show and during their short time in our studio they shared some interesting insights.

More importantly they shared a copy of the book with me! I've only had a chance to peek at a couple of the chapters, but I think I can learn a few things.

Now... if only I can get through it before my next relationship or date for that matter.

Ha Ha... fat chance, given my previous track record with books, but who knows? Maybe I'm on a new track?

As the day drew to a close Sunshine and I were walking out to our cars and I found myself waiving a shoe at a guy I work with as I said goodbye.

I always take an extra pair in case I need a more comfortable heel when I'm running around the tv station.

I realized it was a strange thing to do, but not completely out of the ordinary.

Then as we got out the door and into the parking garage my mind immediately popped back to Cinderella, and of course the shoe.

I realize I'm taking this whole Cinderella thing very literally, but when you're waiving random shoes at people... or losing shoes it only seems appropriate.

We are inching up on day 16 past the tea leaf reader, so who knows.

Day 266: Royal pain in the *&$

Today was a royal pain in the you know what.

It stared with a small snafu yesterday. The chef we had scheduled had to bail because of a family emergency.

It was absolutely no problem, we're in the mindset that we're just tv, and family comes from first.

I thought about trying to find something to fill his place but it seemed to be more trouble than it was worth so I cut my losses and decided to just run something on tape instead.

I knew I had work to do when I came in, but I had no idea how much work was ahead of me.

Within an hour of my arrival, we were in slight 'crisis mode'.

We had a paying guest at the studio for a taping, but no production crew because they were tied up with something else that couldn't wait.

We had coordinated with the other project but for some reason we were brushed aside as if we didn't exist and it was time to figure out a solution.

We managed to get by, because that's what we do.

After we finished that project I went to work filling the spots left by the chef.

I thought everything was ready to go, and about 15 minutes before the show I realized we still needed to find a way to fill 4 minutes in the show... yikes!

We did get it done, again, like we always do, but everything just pushed me one more step behind where I needed to be.

This continued throughout the day, with high maintenance guests making unrealistic requests, and many other tiny annoyances.

I know I shouldn't get worked up about them, but it's hard when there are so many being flung at you in the day.

I kept trying to tell myself the Encourager's saying 'Poor you and your first world problem' and it worked to a certain extent, but I was certainly irritated.

Poor Sunshine had to listen to me vent, but she was a trooper.

After the day was over, she suggested we go get a drink. I couldn't agree more!

So we hit a nearby bar to watch a little Monday Night Football.

As we sat down I looked up and saw a familiar sight on one of the screens. My beloved Cardinals were on tv, and my demeanor instantly changed.

It's amazing how one little thing like that can make such a difference in my attitude.

While we were there, we had a chance to catch up. I know it sounds crazy that we wouldn't have a chance to talk when we sit across from each other at work, but we don't.... it's weird?

We talked work, we talked family, and our past experiences together but it was a great time.

For a day that started off as a bunch of annoyances, thrown into a box and wrapped up with a little bow, it turned out to be a gift of a different type... friendship.

Day 267: A trip down memory lane

Today the name of the game is finding old photos of my dad to use in a video for his birthday.

The hope is to gather pictures from his childhood through today and chronical his life with comments from family members mixed in between.

Although all I have right now is photos, and we'll have to get the comments last minute.

Looking through all the photos was a trip down memory lane.

Most of the pictures were from the last 15 to 20 years, which seems like a long time but in reality it all seems like yesterday.

Mixed in with them were plenty of school pictures, and some of my worst hair days ever.

As I went through them picture by picture looking for photos that epitomise my father's spirit, I couldn't help but slow down and analyze my various hair styles, and glasses choices. What was I thinking?

I know you shouldn't judge a book by it's cover, and I know the 80's were a long, long time ago, but there were really no excuses for my style... or lack of it.

I wonder why anyone beyond the geek patrol would have been friends with me? How did I ever make it on the cheerleading team? I must have been really good, or really cool.. maybe a little bit of both, because I had friends across the board.

As I flipped through the photos, my biggest concern was with my hair... yikes!

Even late into my 20's there were some challenging hair times. The grow out from the Wynonna Rider super short cut, to the crazy curly giant hair that went out to my shoulders in my college sorority pictures.

I also took the time to check out my physique, to try to connect the dots with what I'm seeing now. I don't know why I thought looking at myself 25 yeas ago would give me any insight into where I am now, but I did it nonetheless.

The good news is I feel like I'm in my prime, and I look better than I ever have (minus the body... nothing holds a candle to a 16 year old metabolism), although I suspect I probably thought that 10 years ago too... and I may think it again in another 10 years.

I managed to focus on the job at hand and gather quite a few pictures of my dad for the video.

Then it was off to the airport to end my short stint at home. Who knew it would be such a trip down memory lane? Sometimes the unexpected is the best treat of all.

Day 268: The baseball game

Today is all about my mom.

She needed some help with her computer, and we needed to plan the party for my dad's 80th birthday in a few months.

We got ready and headed to her office to get to work. We did some quick tutorials on the computer and then got started on the party.

I'm not sure we got much accomplished for the party, but we talked about a lot of different scenarios which is good I guess.

Then it was off to a pre-game dinner at Steak N Shake... one of my favorite places.

It was actually Mr. Wonderful's favorite place to eat when we went back home and I adopted it as my own, because it's pretty dog gone tasty.

We enjoyed our steak burgers and split a shake and we were off to the game.

Any time I've been to the new stadium, I have ridden with someone else, or stayed at a nearby hotel and walked so I had no idea about parking.

We plugged the stadium into the GPS and let the little lady in the box tell us where to go, which was all fine and good until it came time to park.

For those of you who don't know, the GPS will take you directly to the location, not to a parking lot or garage near it.

We drove right past the stadium, and then started to look for parking. We had no iea where we were going. I kept saying to my mom I felt like a bunch of 'yoekels'.

We finally got into a parking lot and made our way into the stadium. Once again, I have no idea where we are going because we're sitting in an area I've never been to.

We get inside and start to walk around, my strategy was to move up a level and hopefuly figure out there.

It wa a great plan, as soon as we made it to the first level I asked an usher for directions and we were in luck we were right where we were supposed to be!

Whoo hoo! He directed us to elevators around the corner, when we got there a lady told us to keep walking.

So we walked until we found the next usher who gave us the next set of directions to take us on the next leg of our journey.

Once we saw our destination in sight we decided to stop off for a pit stop before we headed to our seats.

In the bathroom, once again I laughed as I called us yoekels again, because we had a hard time figuring out the paper towels in the bathroom.

We looked on the side, and eventually gave up and went to another one in the bathroom that had paper towels hanging out.

As I ripped the paper towel off I noticed a lever underneath to push for more towels. Wow, it's like we've never been in civilization before.

This experience is a far cry from one of my most famed game experiences which happened at Wrigley Field in Chicago.

It all started with a trip to visit my college roommate and see the Cardinals play the Cubs.

My brother's best friend worked with the Cardinals shorstops cousin. I know it sounds like 17 degrees of seperation, but evidently they had hung out with the team.

My mom suggested I see if the shortstop could get us tickets, so I didn't buy any hoping to hear from Edgar Renteria that we were in.

I hadn't heard from my mom by game time, so I headed to the 'will call' window hoping they were there.

When I gave them my name and told them where the tickets were coming from they directed me to a green door.

I walked in and was greeted by a gentleman behind a counter sitting at a desk. I immediately recogized we were not in the right place but decided to tell him my situation because what could it hurt?

He politely asked who Edgar Renteria was... quickly followed by the remark 'oh I fine Irishman I see'.

He told me to have a seat while he called the traveling secretary.

After listening to a few conversations about multi-million dollar business deals, watching one of the Cubs announcers walk through the area to the inner bowels of the stadium, and seeing an older gentleman wearing an NCAA championship ring I decided it was time to go.

I got up to let the gentleman know we were leaving and he sternly said 'sit down'.

Ok... so we sat down and waited a little while longer. When I'd had enough, I went up to the counter again and the guy said 'go outside to the ticket window, your tickets are there.'

Wow! Who knew?? So we get our tickets and head inside to the game and sit down.

About the time we got settled in our seats, I got a call from my mom who wanted to let me know she made some calls and got some answers... and Renteria thought we needed seats for the series in St. Louis not Chicago so he didn't leave any tickets for us.

What?! Then how the heck did we get into the game? It was a complete fluke! There is no way I could have done that if I tried. But to this day, it's a story for the for the record books.

During the game we managed to make our way down to seats close to the field, and afterward went out in Wrigleyville.

While we were at a bar, we ran into a few guys who were in town for a hardware convention of some sort.

They had tickets and a parking pass for the next days game but couldn't use them so they gave them to us.

When it was all said and done we managed to go to two games for free, got a free dinner, and had a parking pass. What an amazing weekend.

While this trip wouldn't rise to that level it was good in it's own right.

It was my first trip to the ballpark since Mr. Wonderfull passed away, and something I'm not sure I could have done a year ago.

It was a special place for us which makes it hard, but I think I'm finally rounding the corner and moving on.

I didn't even think about it more than once or twice, but being with my mom was comforting.

Day 269: Long day of travel... but home at last

Back home again, and by home home I mean my parent's house.

But getting there wasn't easy, in fact it ended up being a really long day.

I woke up and planned to finish packing, but instead I was surprisingly faced with a pile of dirty dishes in the sink.

I say surprisingly, but its not like they showed up overnight. I don't know how I didn't see them last night when I was getting ready.

But it doesn't matter, I can't leave dirty dishes when I have people coming over to medicate my cat, so I quickly washed them and hoped I would have enough time to finish packing and get to work on time.

Well, I was wrong, which is no shocker. I never have enough time add in traveling and forget it.

After working 7 hours it was off to the airport, and time to get down to the business of traveling.

My flight was delayed slightly, when I called home to make sure my mom knew she said there were thunderstorms moving in so she wasn't surprised.

For me, flying is strategic. If I don't get a good boarding pass number (yes we're talking Southwest) I start to get a little nervous and that's what happened this time.

My trip is really short, so I didn't want to check my bag, that seemed silly, so now I'm stuck looking for an open slot in an overhead bin.

I always take my first open spot, instead of taking my chances with no spaces in the back of the plane and today was no different.

I zeroed in on a spot and quickly threw my bag in there without even looking to see if there was a seat.

I quickly surveyed the territory and landed on a middle seat between two ladies. It proved to be a good move, because all of us were relatively small so we all had plenty of room.

That actually sparked a conversation with the lady next to me. She was happy to have me in the row instead of a large sweaty man who would overtake the arm rests and crowd the people in the outsides seats.

We congratulated each other on great seating choices as if we deserved an award for all being smaller people and choosing to sit in the same row.

Bonding with strangers on a plane is always a little weird. We continued talking for most of the flight, mostly talking about crocheting, which I have absolutely no knowledge about, and quite frankly no desire to know but I was happy to indulge her because she was a nice lady and you can never have too much knowledge.

After 3 1/2 hours of flying, crocheting, and cat conversations, we landed, and someone on the plane said we missed the tornado warnings by an hour.

For those of you who didn't grow up in tornado ally, a warning means a tornado has been spotted.... and it just so happens my parents live 1 hour away from the airport.

Great.. I think to myself. My parents just drove through tornados to pick me up.

And yes, I know they drove through tornados without even talking to them because that's what they do... they are tough and don't back down from much.

As we taxied to the gate the rain came down in buckets... great... now we have to drive an hour home in this weather.

A long day just got longer, but it was all worth it because I get to spend the weekend with my parents.

The drive was slow going, as my mom adjusted the speed to suit the weather. We drove through a lot of rain, while lightning bolts chased each other through the black sky.

We made it home safe and sound ate a quick snack and it was off to bed.

I'm always amazed at all the treats my parents have around the house. There's always some sort of pie, cake or cookies waiting when I get home.

Tonight was no different, my mom had made a batch of Monster cookies (basically a mix of every cookie imaginable... chocolate chip, oatmeal, m&m, etc.) for a church bake sale at the annual gathering at the county fairgrounds.

I chowed down and headed off to bed to get a good nights sleep and get ready for the day that was ahead of me.

The comforts of home just can' be beat.

Day 270: The date is coming

When I got into work today I was greeted by the newest member of our team, and she is a very upbeat girl.

I can't imagine having a bad day with any of the people I'm surrounded by right now, especially this one.

She's so happy, within less than an hour of us getting to know her we decided we'd just call her Giggles.

What fun she is! Everything is funny, and her laughter is contagious.

I don't know how I managed to do a 180 with the people surrounding me, but it happened.

We were all pretty much depressed and had given up in our previous situation, and now that everyone is gone, it's a new crew and we're full of life and energized... like a dark cloud has been lifted.

I feel very blessed to be able to do what I love, and actually love it again.

As I headed out to lunch, and to finally pick up the cats medication that I've been putting off for 3 days I gave the Encourager a call just to briefly catch up.

She told me she was going to give the guy who looks like my brother my number so he could call and set up a date.

I lobbied for a group meeting with others, but she just said 'you do enough of that why would you want to waste your time.'

Wow, it really has been a long time since she (and many others) have been in the dating world.

Meeting someone for a date that you don't know and have only seen pictures of is a bit intimidating, getting to know them in a group setting where you can walk away and so can they can be a good thing.

But she's not an easy one to convince so I usually give up before I even try, which is fine, she usually knows I need a little push and I end up all the better for it.

But we're also getting close to the early tea leaf deadline, which would be 16 days. I think that falls late next week, and when you consider trying to coordinate a date with 2 busy schedules that's a real possibility.

I'm also a little weirded out that she wants to set me up, because she calls me Cinderella when I make it to the gym.

I know that's taking the tea leaf thing very literal but sometimes those small connections add up and mean something but you just don't realize it at the time.

Once I got back to work, I needed to get tickets for the baseball game when I'm home this weekend.

It's just me and my mom, and she had some coupons that I knew she would be happy if I used. So I started scouring, and the only tickets I can find are on the 'party porch'.

I kept yelling at my computer (ok so it was more of a stern talking to)'but I don't want to sit on the party porch!' but it wasn't going to happen.

I looked over and over on a few different sites, and seat levels but those are the only seats available.... so in 2 days I'm going to be hanging with my 75 year old mother on the party porch at a baseball game.

Another sign perhaps? Maybe? Sometimes I think I see a few too many signs but in my head it's better to be aware than oblivious.

Once I got that task accomplished, it was back to work then time to head home and procrastinate on the packing.

The procrastination started before I even got there, when I decided I needed a new bag for my 48 hour trip.

That makes all the sense in the world right? Absolutely not.. it makes no sense whatsoever.

So I popped into the discount store to see if they had a cute small bag, and I'm so happy I did!

Mostly because when when I pulled into the parking lot I looked up and saw the pet store and realized I was completely out of cat food!

Holy cow! I've only been thinking about it for 24 hours how could it have slipped my mind?

So I managed to get a super cute zebra striped weekend bag and the cat food so all is right with the world. Now if only I can get packed before midnight!

Day 271: Procrastination wins again!

How is it when a day goes downhill, it really goes downhill?

I had a tight schedule all day long, but I had faith I could get everything done.

On my lunch break, head over and pick up meds for one of the cats, then after work on my way to an event at 545 I would swing into the pet store and grab food.

Everything was in place and I thought I had it all figured out. Part of the reason I had to do so much today was because I wanted to go home early two nights ago.

Too bad everything went off track by the time my feet hit the floor this morning.

I woke up late, something happened and one of my 2 alarms didn't go off. Not that it would have mattered, I would have slept late anyway.

By the time I woke up, and started getting ready I remembered I was supposed to stop by a friend's house and feed her cats, preferrably before work.

I quickly realized that wasn't going to happen and now I was going to have to rearrange the rest of my day and fit it in on my lunch break.

Once I got to work things were moving pretty smoothly, then my boss asked what I'm doing for lunch... crap!

I told him about my plans but said they could wait. You don't just tell your boss you can't go to lunch with him because you have to feed cats.

Not to mention, cats are hearty creatures and I knew they would be fine until I could get off of work.

Ok, so now both of the things I needed to do for my cats are on hold.... but it's ok.. I could at least take care of my friends.

It would have to be a quick trip, but I could do it... I would race there, beat the clock, get it done... and race out and on to my next destination.

I'm the master of cramming a lot of things into the allotted time (or at least I think I am).

But all my dreams of success were quickly dashed when one of the guys in my department asked if I was leaving work at 5.

I knew he'd been having car trouble, and probably needed a ride... another crap!

I agreed, and took him to the nearby public transportation station... still thinking I could make it the cats as I started heading up the road I realized it wasn't going to happen.

So I made the judgement call and decided to go straight to the event and it was probably the best decision I made all day long because for the first time in a long time I was actually on time.

The event was a fantastic experience. I met some new people and got the chance to taste some really delicious wine created in an unusual location.... what could be better?

When it was all said and done I had a decision to make.... drive further away from my home to throw some food in a bowl only to head back down to see the cats 12 hours later.

I decided I would make a concious effort to wake up early in the morning and take care of the cats then.

Once at home I managed to find one last container of food so my cats could eat for the night.

Everything worked out in the end, and I'm not trying to make this minor fiasco into a big deal.

As the Encourager would say 'My first-world problem isn't even a blip on the radar screen for a lot of people.' and she's right.

Not to mention, you'd think I'd learn after many years of doing it, that procrastination doesn't pay off.

But if it hasn't sunk-in, in 39 years... it may not ever, especially since I'm flying out of town in 2 days and I haven't started packing yet.

Day 272: Cinderella loses her shoe?

So I get in the car this morning and I take a quick glance behind my seat where I tend to throw and keep a few pair of flat shoes as a 'just in case' measure for work.

I must not have built up my 'stash' because there were only 2 pair in there today.... flip flops, and silver flats.

But when I glanced (which I hardly ever do) I only saw one of the silver flats. I think it kind of dawned on me that there was only one shoe there, but not really because of course I was running late (like every day).

It was one of those things that was in the back of my mind at least until I pulled out of the driveway, then it hit me.

Holy crap! I lost a shoe! I'm Cinderella and I lost a shoe!

All I could think was, this stinks! It must have fallen out in the parking lot at work, or at the grocery store. What kind of Prince Charming is going to find my shoe in the grocery store parking lot and know who it belongs to?

Suddenly my mind started thinking about all of the 'lost shoes' you see on the road when you're driving.

That could be my shoe. There is no way anyone would ever be able to track it down to me... and how could I possibly lose a shoe somewhere? I don't put a lot of stuff behind my seat so it would be strange that it would just fall out as I'm grabbing my groceries.

So I continued on my way... and at least for a brief few moments tried to snake my arm behind my seat like a contortionisst feeling around hoping I would feel two shoes and alleviate my angst.

At some point I decided there was too much traffic and it probably wasn't the best idea to be that distracted while driving.

Once I got to work I forgot all about it... that is... until the pretty boy reporter popped up again.

Seriously what is it with this guy? There is absolutely no attraction from me on this one. Sure he's cute, but that's it. It's like the cute puppy in the window of the pet store that you don't want to take home.

I can appreciate him for what he is... a pretty face.

In fact I don't even notice him most of the time.

Like today... I was passing through one of the studios where 2 guys were putting a pole on top of two posts, while another guy watched.

It kind of looked like a limbo pole to me, so I jokingly said 'hey you're not going to drop that on me if I limbo under it are you?'

As I get further into the studio I heard a voice and I realized it was the pretty boy reporter, who was the extra body watching that I walked past and ignored.

I heard him say 'are you sure you don't want me to hold that? I'm good at holding things.'

I think to myself... really? Did he seriously just say that? Who says something like that... unless they're part of the weight lifting team?

I'm in a professional working environment, is that all you've got? 'I'm good at holding things?' Yeah.. like a a microphone... wow buddy I guess you've found your calling!

It really does perpetuate the dumb reporter stereotype that's for sure. Score one for the people sitting at home, or the producer writing his script.

That statement took me back to a few conversations I've had with the Sweetheart.

She works closely with him, and has said in the past he's a total meat-head, who likes to show off his muscles like some sort of pretty boy macho man.

I thought her comments were more of a theoretical scenario... that is until I heard that statement.

Now I feel like even more of an idiot because he's in my dreams! Why am I dreaming about this guy?

And why is my shoe missing on a day when I run into this moron again? Aie yie yie!

Even thought I think it's quite funny, on some level I think I am a little bothered by it, so I decided to fill in the Coffee Fairy.

I hadn't had a chance to tell her about the dream last week, so I took a few minutes to get her all caught up on the dream and then proceeded to get into today's story.

I can't tell you how many times she said 'you're going to marry him. In 6 months that dream is going to come true, I know it!'

Oh no! The dream can't come true! There is absolutely no way that guy is the man I'm meant to be with, and absolutely no way I'm going out with a guy who asks me out after hiring strippers to get my attention.

First of all he's 24! Come on that is absolutely insane! Sadly... I've proven that one.

Not to mention the intellectual quality is certainly not up to par for me, as far as I can tell... 'I'm good at holding things?'

When I got back into my car after work, I took a quick moment to check under the seat for the missing shoe... and thankfully it was there.

I guess I dodged a bullet on that one, but I sure wish the pretty boy would stop showing up in my dreams and reality.

DAy 273: Prince Charming in disguise?

I'm starting to think the tea leaf reader may be off with her prediction of Prince Charming.

Not because I'm impatient that it hasn't happened yet.

I'm not exactly the most patient person in the world, but when it comes to this next relationship heading my way I'm more than happy to wait.

I know it's been what I've been waiting for, but now that it's looming, like I've said before... I'm a little freaked out.

There are a few other things that are playing out in my head that are causing my doubts.

Perky said when she first had her reading, the lady told her she would be entering the greatest partnership of her life in April.

Perky thought it was a was a business partnership, but she was obviously mistaken.

Recently I've started thinking maybe I'm doing the opposite.

I'm waiting for Prince Charming when in fact he could be the relief that's coming in my work.

In the story of Cinderella, she's ridiculed by her step-sisters and is forced to do all the work, but then Prince Charming comes and takes her away from all that.

Maybe that's what's going to happen to me. I'm slaving away at work right now, because I'm the only one holding the department together.

I'm trying to keep the shows on the air, while training Sunshine but unfortunately there's not a lot of time to train Sunshine when I'm doing all of the other work.

It has only been a week, and there is a lot to learn and she is taking it all in, it's just going to take some time.

In the meantime though, I'm Cinderella, and I'm perfectly fine being that person because I think when everyone gets back into place and we're back up and running at full steam it will be fantastic.

It's just going to be a long road to get there. But all of this work has me second guessing the tea leaf reader.

Maybe Prince Charming is in fact a pile of dead President's that's going to be tacked on to my future paychecks.

That actually makes me feel better, because I don't have to have a relationship with dead Presidents. They can fly out of my life as quickly as they come in, real men don't work that way. Well, I guess some do.

But dead President's will buy me pretty shoes and clothes... most men will not. Although dead President's won't curl up with you on a cold night or keep you company so I guess there is some sort of trade off somewhere.

I've said it before, and I'll say it again... quoting Jimmy Buffett (and I'm sure a few others before him) 'only time will tell.'

Day 274: Another dream

I woke up today at 4 a.m. after yet another dream.

I have no idea why all of the sudden I'm dreaming and remembering them but I am. Maybe it's a sign old age is setting in.

Today all I wanted to do was go back to sleep and pick up where I left off, but it wasn't in the cards.

Mr. Wonderful was in this latest dream, and in it he broke up with me, he said it just wasn't working and we both needed to move on.

I think I knew he was right, but I just couldn't bring myself to leave his house because I knew as soon as I did it was real and it would be over.

So I kept lingering, trying to find ways to stay there, hoping he would change my mind.

I remember crawling into his bed to be surrounded by the blankets hoping it would comfort me.

Once again, I don't remember how it ended.... I guess I must have just woken up.

All I wanted to do was go back to sleep so I could see him again, feel him again, be close to him again, but I knew it wasn't going to happen.

But I gave it my best try with the 'one eye trick'. It's one of the things I like to do to keep myself from being too 'awake' when something like this happens.

As I headed off to the bathroom I kept one eye closed, and the other is only open a slit... just enough to get me where I'm going and back to bed.

I used to do it at Mr. Wonderful's house frequently. He used to laugh at me because he was the guy who was instantly awake as soon as he woke up.

I was able to go back to sleep but the dream didn't pick up... so as quickly as he was there... he was gone again.

There are obvious connections to the dream and what I'm going through. My subconsious mind is probably telling me it's ok to let go when I don't want to.

But going deeper than that I believe he may be trying to send me a message from beyond that he is letting me go so I can get on with my life and be happy.

I know... I know you're probably thinking I'm crazy right now but I do have some basis for all of this.

It's hard to explain unless you've been through the death of someone extremely close to you but during one of my encounters with the medium James Van Praagh he asked me 'does he come to you in your dreams?'

I replied with 'yes' but only because I had two dreams with Mr. Wonderful in them, and I was hoping to have more. He then said 'yes, he's very strong.' Which I'm assuming means he can come across easily?

Since then I've had a few more dreams with him in them, and all have been pretty abstract.

There are a few reasons I think he is trying to connect with me. One is of course the statement by James Van Praagh.

Another is his mother and I had very similar dreams very soon after his passing. We shared details of it and they were too bizarre and similar to be a coincidence.

So here I am wanting a change, hoping for a change, but very scared of the change. Knowing a chapter of my life is really coming to a close and I will be the one closing it.

Day 275: Afraid of change

My neurotic nature is evidently pretty humorous to the rest of the world.

I have a regular massage therapist that I go to just about every other week, so she gets to hear a lot of my dating disasters.

Every time I go in, she asks for an update. I think, she, like a lot of my friends are living vicariously through me.

I have no idea why they want to relive the world of dating, but for some reason they do.

In fact if I could avoid dating I think I'd be pretty happy. It's not that I don't enjoy meeting new people, I just hate all the other crap that goes along with it.

Anyway, as I walked in for my standing appointment she asked 'what's new?' I didn't have much to say... so I replied with 'not much.'

Then she proceeded to ask me about the last guy I had gone out with. I laughed because I couldn't remember which one she was asking about. She reminded me it was the not so gay guy so I filled her in.

Then I told her about the tea leaf reader. She laughed at the prediction, and laughed even more when I told her I was freaking out about it because 'my life is over.'

Of course I didn't mean it that way... what I really meant was 'life as I know it is over'. But it came out the way it came out and she couldn't stop laughing.

It continued when I told her I was avoiding the guy who looks like my brother because I didn't want him to be 'Prince Charming'.

As I walked out of the office, I could hear her chuckling to herself and muttering under her breath 'life is over'.

As I left and went to run errands it occured to me the reason I'm so freaked about all of this is because I'm afraid. Afraid of losing who I am, of losing sight of Mr. Wonderful and his impact on me and my life. Afraid Prince Charming will show up and I won't recognize its him.

It's scary... especially when you know it's coming. It's like I'm waiting... and watching... as the giant black storm clouds are creeping toward me.

I guess that's a bad analogy. I'm really not a pessimist about this. I do want it to happen, but it seems crazy to think it will after so many years of living without that special person... then finding them and having them taken away.

I guess somewhere inside I've felt like maybe it wouldn't happen again for me and I've prepared myself for that.

I also don't do real well with sudden changes. If I can think about the change that is coming and warm up to the idea and analyze it from every angle I do much better.

I also do ok with gradual change, but this whole thing of knowing a life changing event is coming without any other information is a little nerve wracking for me.... as you can tell beacuse I've been writing and thinking about it every day since the it was in the tea leaves.

Day 276: Sweet dream... or a beautiful nightmare?

I woke up today after a a strange dream... and it only got stranger when I got to work.

My dream involved one of the pretty boy reporters at my station (who also happens to be about 24).

And no, I'm not interested in him, even given my recent bobcat tendencies.

So in the dream this reporter pulled a total bonehead move but one that I can see a younger cocky guy doing.

In the dream I was on vacation, and at some point during my travels I befriended a couple of guys.

I didn't expect to see them again, but during my vacation I was invited to a group event of some sort and I saw them walk in so I said hello.

Well they proceded to start stripping for me! What!? I was completely stunned and just laughted my way through it.

When it was over, the pretty boy reporter walked over to me and said 'now that I've got your attention I'm taking you on a date.'

So terribly strange. I told him no, but he insisted and then drug me to the beach for a picnic.

But when we got to the beach there were really steep stairs that I couldn't get down because I was wearing heels and there was something about them that caused me some anxiety.

He didn't seem to care that I couldn't get down the stairs so he just kept walking. I think I eventually made it down but I don't remember much after that.

I'm actually very surprised I even remembered it at all, because normally I don't.

And while I remembered it, it was in the back of my mind at least until I got to work.

While training Sunshine I walked into a different department to talk to one of the girls about something.

As I walked up I saw him... the guy from the dream... standing there. I just about had a heart attack!

I NEVER see that guy... why is it he pops up just a few hours after my crazy dream?! Seriously is this my life right now?

I didn't even look at him, I couldn't... I was afraid I'd start blushing like he knew he was in my dream.

Even if he did, he should be the one that's embarrassed because that was a really bad move he made to ask me out, but in my head I conjured him up as my dream guy for some unknown reason.

I managed to finish up my business, then introduce Sunshine to the girl, while being very rude and completely ignoring the pretty boy. Nice... I'm such a class act.

In my own defense, I've never been introduced to him, so for me to introduce someone else is a little weird.

Later, I met up with a few friends for what we were calling a book club, but was really just an excuse to get together for wine and bruschetta.

I told them about my dream and my friend the Sweetheart (who works closely with the pretty boy reporter) laughed and said 'the funny thing is he would totally do that!'

The conversation briefly diverted to a few more young guys that were just hired at the station. I made a joke and said 'hey maybe I should meet them' and the Sweetheart said... 'nah they'll just show up in your dreams.'

We all laughted quite a bit, then she told me she was going to show me a picture of the Golf Guy on facebook, because she and her husband want to set me up with him.

Combine the dream with the tea leaf reading, and it's a double whammy for my psyche.

I am so freaked by every man that I'm coming into contact with now days. I'm avoiding the ones I don't think are suitable even though I fully know it's not up to me, whatever is meant to be... will be.

But there is just a little something in the back of my mind that wants to run away from it.

Day 277: All signs point to 'yes'

It's funny, I've had psychics/mediums tell me before that I would find love again and it would happen when I'm 40.

But for some reason, this latest tea leaf reading has me a bit stunned.

I started going to the psychics/mediums after Mr. Wonderful died, looking for any sort of solace.

I guess I should say they sort of just 'turned up' and found me.

It started as kind of a fluke. It was employee appreciation day (I'm noticing a theme) a few months after he passed, and instead of a tea leaf reader there was a palm reader.

One of the girls at work told me I needed to get in with him, based off her previous experiences and so I went.

He started reading my palm, and asked if I had been married and then the waterworks started. I couldn't hold back the tears. He asked what was going on and I told him. Little did I know he was also a medium.

He took a moment to concentrate and try to communicate with the other world, then a few really random things happened. Things that turned this skeptical journalist into a true believer.

First, he mentioned the name of Mr. Wonderful's best friend (there is no way he could have known or pulled the name out of the air), and also said Mr. Wonderful was greeted by an elderly woman when he crossed over.

Mr. Wonderful's 13 year old dog, who was his baby, passed away a few days earlier. I have no doubt she was there to greet him.

He also told me I would find love again.

A few months later Mr. Wonderful's mother and I had the opportunity to go to a conference with a lot of powerful speakers discussing life changing topics.

One of them was James Van Praagh, one of the world's most renowened mediums. And we were lucky enough to get a reading in a group setting. When it was over, we jumped in the book signing line.

As we approached James to sign the books, he told me I would marry again and it would happen when I was 40. At the time it was no consolation, and while it stuck in the back of my head I don't dwell on it even as I approach the momentous birthday.

I would have another encounter with James about a year later, and again he told me Mr. Wonderful loved me very much and I would find love again.

There were also a few tarot card readers thrown into the mix, and they all say the same thing... unsolicited. It just seems to be the focus whether I bring it up or not.

It's not like I don't think it will happen, it's just hard to think anyone could ever live up to Mr. Wonderful. They... whoever they are... have some pretty big shoes to fill, and I have to let them do it.

Even with all of that knowledge, and preparation I'm still sitting here kind of freaking out that I might actually find love again in the next few months.

It's strange. I thought I was at a place where I was ready, I've been a crazy dating fool hoping it would happen, but now I'm starting to question whether I'm ready.

I feel like there's so many things I need to do and accomplish before it happens. Kind of like the feeling of making sure your legs are shaved before your first date but on a much grander scale.

Like the craziness of the rush before a vacation, or packing up your home and moving to a different city with a few weeks notice.

Sure it is a life changing moment, but it's not like I need to DO anything. It's not like my life will change overnight. These things take time to develop and it could happen anytime between now and June. Thats a lot of time!

I'm acting like there's some guy who is going to walk up to me and say 'Hi, I'm your future husband. Let's date for a while and then get married.'

What is wrong with me?! I'm sure I won't even know when it happens, or I will try to control it all because of course I will know better than the universe what is right for me.

In fact I'm doing it already. The Encourager is trying to set me up with a guy, we'll call him Superman.

She sent me a picture, and when I look at him I think he looks like my brother. Yikes! I can't do that! I love my brother but that's just creepy!

But I'm also hesitant because of the tea leaf reading. What if he is the guy? Of course, if he is, what am I going to do about it? What's going to happen is going to happen, and I should just go with the flow.

My God I'm so absolutely neurotic! This is insane! I'm going out with Superman whether he looks like my brother or not. Done.

Day 278: It's in the tea leaves

Let the countdown begin!

When I walked into work today I had no idea my single days were numbered.

It was employee appreciation day, which means a day full of food and fun for all the employees at my tv station.

One of the activities was a tea leaf reader. When I heard she was there, I jumped at the chance to have a reading. I love that stuff!

By the time I went up to put my name on the list, all the slots were full, so I added my name to the bottom of the list and hoped for the best, but wasn't sure it was in the cards... or leaves as the case may be.

When they brought in lunch a lightbulb went off in my head. I know tv people, I've been around them all of my adult life, and when food shows up they swarm it like a school of ravenous pirahnas.

I thought to myself, 'everyone is going to be eating, so now's my chance to cut in front of the line' and get in with the tea leaf reader... and I was right!

No one was there so I hopped in the seat and we got started.

She poured my tea, and asked for my birthday, then she told me to drink the tea while she proceeded to look up my birthday in a numerology book.

Based off my astrological sign, she was able to tell me quite a bit about my personality, and some periods of good fortune coming my way.

After drinking the tea, she told me to take the cup and circle the saucer 3 times, then flip it upside down and place it on the saucer.

Based off the tea leaves she was able to tell me I've had a tough time the past two years, but I have managed to perservere just by plugging away. She was dead on in that regard.

Then she said 'Cinderella, you are Cinderella. There is a slipper in your cup, and Prince Charming will come in 61 days. He's close by.' She went on to say 'you will be a princess and you will have everything you want'

I was flabbergasted! First of all, I'm absolutely no princess, nor do I ever intend to be one, but I was more stunned by the 61 days.

I laughed and said 'if you're right I'm calling you in 61 days!' I wasn't laughing at her, the number just threw me off, 61 is so random, it's not 2 months, or 60 days, it was 61 days.... strange?

I have to admit I was also pretty happy that it was happening.

A little later she said 'it could be 6 months, a lot will happen between January and June, but the cup is saying 61 days.'

After my reading I was telling my story to one of the other gals who goes to this particular tea reader regularly.

She said well you know it could be 61 reversed which is 16. That freaked me out a little bit. What?! 16 days?! The reality of being single is suddenly becoming more appealing.

All I've been working on and waiting for has been the next great love of my life, if there is such a thing and now that it could potentially be staring me in the face I'm a little scared.

It's not that my romantic future hinges upon her every word, but she has been pretty accurate in the past.

My friend Perky also had a reading done a few years ago, and the woman predicted her whirlwind romance and marriage.

Now my mind is working overtime... I need to get in shape, what will he look like, will I know, have I already met him.

When I got home I immediately called Perky to tell her about the experience knowing she had success, and my BFF was with her.

We chatted briefly then they split and my BFF called me on her way home. She was so excited, she asked if I had looked at the calendar to count the days.

Surprisingly I had not, which is pretty out of character for me, but nonetheless I had not.

By the time the conversation was over she had quickly calculated the day(s), then asked if I wanted to know what they were.

Of course I wanted to know! She told me and now I'm kind of wishing she hadn't.

Because I am a neurotic, obsessive, over thinker who likes to control situations I will now have to make sure I'm dressed nicely on those days.

I will also evaluate every potentially eligible man I run into or drive past as my new suitor.

But there is nothing I can do about that now, what's done is done the best I can hope for is bad memory to keep me sane.

Day 279: The same but different

I lead a pretty blessed life.

Today I was one of the first people in my city to see the new movie Eat Pray Love, and I got to see it 3 days before the rest of the country.

Not many people can say that, and I get to say it a lot. Because of my job I get to see movies before they come out.

Like most movies everyone takes away something different when it's all said and done.

As I sat there in between the Cheerleader and my BFF, I had to wonder if they saw as much of myself in Liz Gilbert as I did.

In reality, they probably saw MORE than I did! At every turn, there was something else... stop obsessing... stop controling... stop thinking.

It's all so true, everyone is constantly telling me those things. Unfortunately I'm one of those people who will obsess about not thinking so it's kind of a no win situation until I can figure it out.

One of the quotes in the movie goes something like this 'Give up and stop obsessing and trying to control the situation and the universe will rush in.'

I need to stop and I think the universe is trying to tell me that (see what I mean about thinking it never stops).

As I head to the fridge for a glass of water there is my 'I will not obsess... I will not obsess' magnet staring at me like a neon sign in the middle of a country town.

I think for some reason I need to stop obsessing to get where I need to be, and I say that because in some weird way my life is moving in cycles.

It's like the movie Groundhog Day but in a much longer format.

Seven years ago I was comfortable with my job and looking for love. I was going out with a lot of different guys after a big break up, hoping one of them would be 'the one'.

When I finally calmed down and stopped looking.. or maybe I just got exhausted and gave up... either way when I stopped thinking and obsessing I found Mr. Wonderful, and the rest is history.

I'm getting there again. I feel like I'm grasping at every straw, going out with every guy because they could be 'the next one' but I'm tired, except for the bobcat thing... I have to admit that's pretty fun.

So maybe, just maybe this hampster wheel I'm trapped in is leading me somewhere good and it's the place I'm meant to be

One of the other quotes in the movie said 'trust in love again', at that point the Cheerleader and my fellow cry-baby looked at me and waived a tissue in my face.

Yes, trust in love again....

Day 280: It all makes sense... kind of

I'm a tv girl, and I always have been.

I grew up watching tv, and I work in tv now, so it's no surprise that I take a lot away from tv shows.

As I'm sitting here tonight watching one of my favorite shows one phrase is sticking with me.

In this episode one of the guys is dating a younger girl. I'm guessing he's in his mid-30's (they've never really said) but they did say she is 22.

Talk about being able to relate! I'm really struggling with this whole younger guy thing so anything to help me get a greater understanding or rationale on it makes me feel better.

I have a hard time with things I don't understand, or can't make up a reason to help me understand.

So during the show after everyone voices their concerns about the girl being too yong, and the guy saying 'no, I like her I'm having fun!' (Wow... sounds so very familiar.)

Finally one of the girls says 'I think you are seeing this girl because she reminds you of something you want to hold on to or the person you used to be.'

Ding.. ding... ding... we have a winner! Holy crap! Now it all makes sense!

Not that I'm searching out the younger guys, but I'm also not turning them down when they find me.

I think that's what I'm doing. I'm trying to hold onto my youth because I'm uncomfortable (yeah... that's the word for it... uncomfortable) with what 40 has in store.

Meanwhile, I'm ready to jump on every possibility of a single guy. What is wrong with me? I've never felt this wsay before! It's like a I'm a teenage boy.

If someone even mentions a guy, my mind immediately starts thinking 'hmmmm I wonder if he's single', or if I run into a guy somewhere I start to think the same thing.

I guess that means I'm ready, the problem is, the old saying. You don't find love, it finds you when you're least expecting it. So basically I'm screwed unless I can turn off my hormones.

Day 281: It's a dogs life

More dog sitting fo rme today, but thankfully I managed to keep the toys off the roof and myself from being locked out of the house.

While I was there I started thinking. I'd like to be a dog for a day.

They are so happy, like little kids exploring the world for the first time, but they are like that every day!

Look at a dog with its head out a car window the next time you see one. The look on their face is priceless... they are so excited to be enjoying the simple pleasures in life.

We could learn a lot from dogs.

In between dog shifts today I was at home and heard a knock at the door. When I answered there was a gentleman I had never seen before who started to tell me about a local organization that helps those in need, homelss, elderly, those just let out of prison looking to get back on their feet.

Beep.. beep... beep... back up. Ex-Cons? I'm all for helping people turn their life around, but I'm not exactly thrilled with them knocking on my door.

He proceeded to tell me he was released from the DOC (Dept. of Corrections) last week and he was getting back on his feet, and he has been with the organization off and on for the past 12 years.

I think to myself, great, he's been in and out of prison for the past 12 years? Perfect. I'm pretty much in a no win situation. If I don't give him a donation, he knows where I live, if I do give him a donation he knows where I live.

I decide to go with my heart and give them a donation. I have done it in the past, and I am pretty fortunate and have the money to do it. I'm not loaded but I can avoid the coffee shop for a few days and be ok.

As I went to grab my checkbook I heard him say 'I hope your dog doesn't get out' because I left the door open a crack.

Then, as I was handing him my donation he said 'I like the way your hair brings out your hazel eyes.' I was stunned! I said 'thank you, have a nice day' and then he proceeded to say 'Don't tell your husband or boyfriend I was flirting with you.'

Ok, now I'm starting to get a little freaked out. Once again I said 'have a nice day' and he left.

But he left me thinking maybe I need a dog.

At the Christmas in July party the Cheerleader said 'you should get a dog'. I asked why she thought that? Because I live in a crappy neighborhood? She said 'no, because your a single woman living alone and it would make me feel better if you had a dog.'

After today's exchange, I think she may be right.

I know the guys that ask for donations with this organization get dropped off as a group in a neighborhood, so I'm not terribly concerned the guy will come back but it was a little creepy and it is a good reminder about my safety.

Just the other day I was thinking this is a really safe neighborhood as I walked to my front door. I'm not saying its not, but maybe this is a wake up call.

I can always use more love in my life right? And there's no better way to get unconditional love than from a dog. This one is going to need some deep thinking.

Day 282: The great dog dilemma

It started off as another lazy Saturday.

I went to bed pretty early last night, and slept in.

The clock read double digits by the time I pulled myself out of bed this morning... if you can still call it that.

I needed to get over to my friends house to check in on the pooches, but I was in desperate need of some coffee.

Since the milk in my fridge is growing antibiotics right now I knew I needed to head off to the coffee shop.

I jumped in my car, put the top down, and headed off. Once inside I ordered my usual, unsweetened iced coffee with room. It's a no brainer, all they have to do is pour it into a cup and put a lid on it, but somehow it always ends up getting screwed up.

I really don't get it. It's quite possibly the easiest drink at Starbucks. Today it took forever to get it and there was only one person in front of me in line. I wasn't upset, just confused partially because I think I was still in a partial coma from my 12 hours of sleep last night.

I finally got my coffee and I was off to check in on the dogs. I checked in and got them fed and watered then we headed outside to hang out for a while.

I was playing with one of the smaller... and very rambunctious dogs... by tossing his toy around the yard waiting for him to grab it and bring it back to me.

Because I'm a monster baseball fan, I decided to work on my arm during play time. Sounds reasonable right? Actually no... I'm pretty sure I'm the only grown woman on the planet who would do that.

Because I was working on my throwing I got a little over ambitious and I accidently tossed the poor little dogs toy on the roof of the house!

I felt so bad! The poor little guy kept staring up at the roof waiting for it to come down but got nothing.

It's a good thing he's easily distracted, because I just grabbed another toy and started throwing it. This time I made sure I wasn't concerned about my throwing arm.

A little later I wanted to grab my phone, because I was waiting for the Encourager to call about possibly getting together for dinner tonight.

But when I went to the door... it was locked. Yes I was locked in the backyard!

I thought to myself, ok, this is no big deal, there is a doggie door, so worst case scenario you can crawl through and get inside.

After checking around at all of my options... which were few... I decided it was my best bet.

So I got on all fours and started sliding myself through the doggie door. Self image is a strange thing. I didn't know how to guage whether I would be able to make it through or not, I was just hoping my butt wasn't so big that I would get stuck.

Luckily I easily made it through.

When I finally heard from the Encourager she of course laughed at me and said her usual 'only you... your an idiot'. And then we both laughed.

But she also had some good news for me. She wants to set me up! He's in his mid-30's (whew!) has his own house, a job, and likes baseball.

And he is cute. He came on my show for a workout segment and as soon as she started describing him to me I knew exactly who he was. He's cute, and buff, which is good for me, but not so good for him if he's looking for a buff girl :)

Finally! At least I know I'm not dealing with a 20-something.

Day 283: Uneventful Friday Night

Boy am I glad the week is over. It has been a long one that's for sure.

I know I keep saying it, but being down 2 people at work is tough. And just when we think we can count on the interns to help out, we are let down once again.

Watching them shows me the difference in work ethic between generations. They act like it's all fun and games, but when we were their age we were working our tails off in hopes it could land us a job someday.

There's no point getting upset about it now, today was their last day. Here's hoping the next round will be better, they certainly couldn't be any worse.

I'm really looking forward to working with Sunshine. I'm pretty sure I failed to mention she got the job, mostly because I was afraid she, or someone else would read the blog and find out before she was supposed to know.

But she is coming on board, and I think she's a good fit. We get alone great, and we come from the same tv background. We like to say we were 'raised' the same way, so we get each other. We're also a lot a like. That could be good... and it could be bad... but I'm happy about it however it turns out.

Mostly because I think she's going to bring some positive energy into our workplace and my life on a more consistent basis and that can't be bad.

Even better... I'll have someone to go out and have a cocktail with after work! Although I do have some concerns it will land us both in some trouble, but if we keep it to Friday nights hopefully we'll be ok.

A drink is exactly what I needed tonight, but I'm on dog duty. I am watching my friends 3 pooches for the weekend.

One of them is getting older and so I really needed to get over there after work and not delay it any further so it worked out that I didn't have anything going on.

That's exactly what I did, no drama, just helping out a friend and relaxing on the couch after a long week.

I've said it before, and I'll keep on saying it, I do enjoy down time at home. And I guess there's nothing wrong with that, as long as it doesn't take over my life.

A healthy mix of things to do, and time at home is the perfect balance, but who has that in their life?

Day 284: The (not so) freaky flappy forearms

It's either feast or famine.

There's either something happening every night, or nothing at all.

I have to admit having nothing going on is kind of nice, until I wind up on the couch eating Hamburger Helper with a cat succling himself on my lap.

Yep... that's my life tonight.

It's actually pretty funny when i think about it looking from the outside in.

Work today was once again exhausting, but there was still time for laughter.

At one point one of the gals who is really close to my age stopped by our department.

She asked when my birthday was, and we started talking about the big 4-0.

Then she said her elbows were getting old and showed me her wrinkly elbows.

Holy crap! I haven't even thought about my elbows! Probably because I can't see them..... much like my butt... so its out of sight out of mind.

And since I don't have to squeeze my wrinkly elbows into a pair of skinny jeans they are pretty much not even a blip on the radar... or should I say they weren't!

She asked to see mine, so I showed her, and her response was all I needed. Sadly I have wrinkly elbows.

I decided since we were baring all of our aging secrets I would show them my freaky flabby forearm.

At first they were just stunned, like deer in the headlights, then everyone jumped on board to see if they also have the freaky floppy forearm.

I have to say much to my surprise quite a few people in the department had a freaky forearm, which made me feel a little better.

There are so many things going on with my body right now I sometimes wonder if I really am in my own body.

Usually I gain weight in my hips, thighs and butt and my stomach stays pretty flat.

Well right now, it seems like all my fat is migrating north to my belly.

Not that I'm complaining about my butt not carrying the load of my candy and potato chip binges, but I am realizing I took my flat tummy for granted and its time to do something about it.

No more lazy girl, its time to get back in shape!

Day 285: A surprising night

What started off as a normal day, ended with me hanging out with a group of lesbians.

I told a friend I would dog-sit for her while she is out of town this weekend. We often return the favors because we live very close to each other.

We decided we would meet up after work to go over all the details with the pooches.

After we were done, she mentioned she was meeting her girlfriend who was with a group at a wine bar and asked if I wanted to go.

I hesitated for several reasons. I was not dressed to go out, unless you count a t-shirt I usually wear to work and a pair of jean shorts, with hairy legs.

The second reason? I was tired, with our staff on life support, work has been exhausting me recently.

Ironically, work is also the reason I decided to go... because my job is driving me to drink!

When we got to the wine bar they were closing so we decided margaritas were a good idea so we wwitched locations.

What started as a small group, ended up being 12 women sitting at a table. As I looked around I realized they were all lesbians.

Some were couples, some were single, and quite frankly none of it mattered to me at all.

The only thing I was concerned about was getting hit on, which as I think about it is just silly.

Hello?? I know when I'm talking to a gay or straight guy, so why wouldn't they know if they were talking to a straight girl?

And it's not like I care if I get hit on, it's flattering, I just hate awkward situations and disappointing, or letting someone know they are wrong.

But my fears were unfounded, because evidently I'm not as hot as I think I am! LOL

I guess the moral of the story today is always dress as if you could be going out, and don't overestimate yourself.

Day 286: The Martha compliment?

I got quite a shock today when one of our paying sponsors on the show told me I looked like Martha Stewart.

What? I was completely stunned. Normally I would have given a quick witted response back, like 'what? I look like a 60 year old woman?' but since it was a guest that was paying to come on the show I decided it was best to keep my mouth shut. So I ended up just standing there like an idiot with nothing to say.

Part of the reason is that I couldn't be further from a Martha Stewart type person.

She is crafty... I am not. She is domesticated... I am not. And the list goes on and on.

I also just didn't understand where the comment was coming from... all I know of Martha Stewart is the domestic diva that graces our tv station Monday - Friday.

Little did I know that Martha was a model earlier in her life. When they pointed that out I felt a little better about the situation. At least I wasn't being compared to a 60 year old woman.

When I got back to my desk I googled pictures of Martha and I have to say I was pleasantly surprised. What started out as a not so great compliment ended up being quite flattering.

It's kind of how I've been feeling about most of my dating recently. I'm not sure exactly how to take what's going on with any of the guys.

Either they are young and think I'm young which is a compliment, or they think its cool to date an older woman which is not so much a compliment.

Or the other way around Starbucks was older and probably thought he was hooking a young chick, but in reality I'm not.

Maybe it's time to hit the online dating world... again. It is how I met Mr. Wonderful, but I have my doubts that lightning will strike twice.

I have heard quite a few commercials for online dating sites.... match.com, eharmony, chemistry, millionairematch, you name it there's a site for it.

The problem is finding the right one, and the energy to write the profile and post the pictures.

When I was talking with the Cheerleader about it one day, she suggested getting a group of friends together with a few bottles of wine and compiling it together.

I think it sounds like a good idea, especially because they know me better than I know myself. Although that scares me a little bit too!

And... I suppose I could always use pictures of Martha when she was young on my profile!

Day 287: Don't date the guy at your coffee shop

Don't date the guy you met at your neighborhood coffee shop.

I should have learned this lesson 7 years ago, but I guess my short term memory is failing me.

I feel so restricted sometimes not being able to go to my regular Starbucks because I'm afraid I'll run into the guy I just blew off.

Sure, its not like I don't pass 7 coffee shops on my way to work, but the one where I met Starbucks is my favorite.

It's easy to get in and out of, they know me, when I don't come in for a while they notice. It's great! Except when I can't go in.

As I mentioned about 7 years ago I was in the same predicament. I was super excited when a cute guy picked up on me at my local coffee shop (a different one).

We went out on a date and he proceeded to tell me he was going through a divorce... ok... no problem there... and he had 4 kids! Houston... we have a problem.

At the time I was 32 years old, and some of his kids were teenagers. That was enough to put me over the edge. I don't think I could be the mother to a teenager NOW let alone 7 years ago.

I told him straight up the kids were a problem with me. His response 'it's not like I'm proposing!' Wow, well yes that's true, but in my head if it wasn't going in that direction why would I bother?

I'm pretty sure I avoided that coffee shop for quite a while. Unfortunately that wasn't enough. There is one road everyone from my part of town takes to get to the heart of the city to avoid the freeways. Well, surprise! Little did I know it at the time, but he took the same road. Welcome to my life...

One day I was crusing to work thinking of the day that was ahead of me, listening to talk radio to gather story ideas for the news that day when I heard honking.

I looked around trying to figure out if I spaced out and hit someone, or left my purse on top of my car, and low and behold driving next to me was the guy from the coffee shop.... in a mini-van!

After that I think I saw him a few more times and each time he would honk. Eventually I guess the novelty must have worn off, that, or he could see my 'stink eye' glaring at him through my sunglasses, because that was the last I remember seeing him.

Hmmmm.... come to think of it... maybe that's where my irritation with the mini-van comes from??

I hope my dating isn't happening in cycles, because that could really stink... like most women, I've kissed quite a few frogs.

But then again... looking at the glass half full... not too long after the crazy divorced dad experience I did meet Mr. Wonderful, so maybe there is hope after all!

You know what they say... 'without hope you have nothing'.