Day 274: Another dream

I woke up today at 4 a.m. after yet another dream.

I have no idea why all of the sudden I'm dreaming and remembering them but I am. Maybe it's a sign old age is setting in.

Today all I wanted to do was go back to sleep and pick up where I left off, but it wasn't in the cards.

Mr. Wonderful was in this latest dream, and in it he broke up with me, he said it just wasn't working and we both needed to move on.

I think I knew he was right, but I just couldn't bring myself to leave his house because I knew as soon as I did it was real and it would be over.

So I kept lingering, trying to find ways to stay there, hoping he would change my mind.

I remember crawling into his bed to be surrounded by the blankets hoping it would comfort me.

Once again, I don't remember how it ended.... I guess I must have just woken up.

All I wanted to do was go back to sleep so I could see him again, feel him again, be close to him again, but I knew it wasn't going to happen.

But I gave it my best try with the 'one eye trick'. It's one of the things I like to do to keep myself from being too 'awake' when something like this happens.

As I headed off to the bathroom I kept one eye closed, and the other is only open a slit... just enough to get me where I'm going and back to bed.

I used to do it at Mr. Wonderful's house frequently. He used to laugh at me because he was the guy who was instantly awake as soon as he woke up.

I was able to go back to sleep but the dream didn't pick up... so as quickly as he was there... he was gone again.

There are obvious connections to the dream and what I'm going through. My subconsious mind is probably telling me it's ok to let go when I don't want to.

But going deeper than that I believe he may be trying to send me a message from beyond that he is letting me go so I can get on with my life and be happy.

I know... I know you're probably thinking I'm crazy right now but I do have some basis for all of this.

It's hard to explain unless you've been through the death of someone extremely close to you but during one of my encounters with the medium James Van Praagh he asked me 'does he come to you in your dreams?'

I replied with 'yes' but only because I had two dreams with Mr. Wonderful in them, and I was hoping to have more. He then said 'yes, he's very strong.' Which I'm assuming means he can come across easily?

Since then I've had a few more dreams with him in them, and all have been pretty abstract.

There are a few reasons I think he is trying to connect with me. One is of course the statement by James Van Praagh.

Another is his mother and I had very similar dreams very soon after his passing. We shared details of it and they were too bizarre and similar to be a coincidence.

So here I am wanting a change, hoping for a change, but very scared of the change. Knowing a chapter of my life is really coming to a close and I will be the one closing it.