Day 289: Dating theories

I'm realizing there's a lot going on the dating world I'm not aware of.

When I was dating the 26 year old I found out that 'hang out' really means something quite a bit more serious... as in 'hook up'.

Since then, I've been careful who I say it to... and don't say it to.

Today on my way to my massage I heard a couple of djs talking about 'summer flings' on the radio.

Of course a summer romance is pretty common, but they made it sound like it was more of a novelty, the hot 'thing' to do.

Do you have them? Who are they with? Do the last beyond the summer? The standard questions. But the more I started thinking about it, the more I realized I'm out of touch with the dating world.

Of course most of these things only apply to the younger crowd, so I shouldn't be too concerned about it, but sometimes even 30-somethings can get wrapped up in it too.

Not to mention my recent track record with the 20-somethings leads me to believe there may be something else going on.

I have a Mrs. Robinson theory going on too. I believe younger guys think it's cool to be with an older woman right now and somehow I'm becoming a victim of the game.

I'm not sure if its a situation where they are genuinely interested and it goes to the Mrs. Robinson thing after they learn my age, or if they can just tell how old I am from the beginning.

I do look young, and younger guys are always hitting on me, but I find it odd that I would get 2 mid-twenty somethings in 6 months. While its flattering, I don't like being a freak show at the circus, treated like a novelty to brag to their friends about.

I can't quite figure it out. I'm not sure if they think we're old and desperate, or experienced. In fact I'm not sure why I care. I guess I should just appreciate youth and what it has to offer, but its not offering what I want right now.

I have to say, if I keep eaating the way I have been they won't think I'm young for long.

Today I looked in the mirror and noticed my arm flab flapping in the wind.

Not the upper arm where most women get it, no that would be normal. In my case its the lower arm... now where did that come from?!

There is a disstinct muscle there, but I don't know what happened to the rest of it.

This is weird! I fully expected my butt to get fat and droopy even my waist to increase a little but this is like nothing I've ever seen!

Between the flabby lower arm flab and my very pessimistic attitude toward dating I could be single for a while.

Day 290: Kitten therapy and a margarita

There's nothing a little kitty therapy and a margarita can't fix in this world.

And that was my prescription for the night.

The day started an hour later than planned. I have no idea what happened but I must have turned off the alarm instead of my usual snooze extravaganza that lasts for a good half hour.

By the time I looked to see what time it was, I was left with 30 minutes to get ready.

No sweat, I've done it before, but its not the best case scenario.

I got up fed and medicated the cats, and hopped in the shower. I decided for the third day in a row that it was ok to go without washing the hair.

Don't worry I'm not a walking greaseball, but I certainly was not a fashion plate either today.

I scoured my room looking for my favorite pair of jeans to wear with flats because I knew I was going to be doing a LOT of running around today.

Now for the shirt challenge. Yikes! There wasn't much to wear with them. I started rifling through the closet hanger by hanger and nothing.

Then I looked over and there was a shirt I got for free at a spa event a few weeks ago.... BINGO!

Most times the free shirts aren't so great, but this one is cute. It's a fitted stiped polo with a few details.

I threw it on, did a quick makeup job, pulled the hair back and scrounged around for some kind of coffee fix and headed out the door.

And that was how the first 30 minutes of my day started. I don't know why I do this to myself every day. You'd think after a while I would actually just get out of bed when the alarm goes off, but no... not me.

We had double duty going today. We were taping a show and airing a live show in the amount of time we normally put one show on the air.

It's not pretty but it had to be done. I don't know how we did it with half a staff, but we did.

After it was all over there was no time to stop. It was straight back to my desk to get ready for next week.

Sometimes I just get in the zone. There is so much to do, I just start and before I knew it, its 230 and I haven't eaten lunch. That's what happened today. I was starving... so much so that I think my stomach had started to digest itself.

Time to make a run for the border. I took a quick trip up the road to Taco Bell and then back to work.

I don't know why... but junk food tastes so good after a long week of madness, and I think that's where I got my inspiration for the night.

A margarita sounded really good, and I was in luck! I had two buckets of margaritas left over from the Christmas in July party last weekend.

I found out about the beauty of the bucket of frozen goodness through my mom.

When I go home to visit, she will break out the bucket and start chipping away at the slush and spoon out a couple of glasses for us.

I have to admit, it's a pretty tasty treat here in the summer when it's so brutally hot.

And that's how it started. So here I sit on the couch with my 2 cuddly kitties.. or should I say one cuddly kitty and one very aloof kitty... and a bucket of margaritas and a spoon catching up on my recorded shows while I think about all the things I have to do this weekend. (sigh)

Time to spoon out some more goodness and slide right into the weekend.

Day 291: Violated laughter

What a crazy day.

Imagine if someone said they were going to handle your work, and then they decide they aren't going to do it... they tell you they aren't going to do it and then they literally run away from you.

Sounds reasonable, and it probably happens in a lot of workplaces every day.

It happened to me today, but the twist is the girl who did it to me, left me with 10 seconds to get my work done.

Yes, 10 seconds! It's not an exageration, it was 10 seconds, this happened in a few different ways several times today.

It was absurd, and by the time it was all done, I felt violated.... really and truly violated.

It's hard to explain because the tv world is so much different than most businesses, but it's also why I love it. You take the good with the bad.

Despite all of the drama, we laughed a lot today.

One of the reasons was a bit of a snafu. The Cheerleader was waiting for 50 bags of potato chips for an audience giveaway. Well they arrived yesterday, and she was so excited!

We were laughing so hard at her because of her reaction. She was so happy about the chips because she thought they sent them to her because she answered a 'tweet' asking about favorite potato chips. She thought they looked her up and because she's a big deal, they sent her all the chips.

She was like the Oprah of the snack world... she was handing them out to everyone. At one point she said 'I don't know you, but I like you, would you like some chips?'

Well today, she read her work email that said she should have received the chips for the giveaway. You should have seen the look on her face.

We all laughed so hard at her! We laughed even more after we sent an email out to the entire staff asking for any unopened bags of the chips to be returned. What a bunch of goobers we are!

I had planned to go the a party tonight celebrating a new store opening here in town, but mid-afternoon I started to think I would bow out.

I was torn, because there were complimentary goodie bags for going and you can't go wrong with that right?'

Well I was going back and forth with one of the girls about whether I would go or not, and she was trying to help me decide.

She said 'do you get any free clothes?' I said 'no, but there is a complimentary goodie bag'. All I heard was silence.... then she said 'a nut bag?' Then I'm pretty sure there was silence on my end. I was thinking to myself 'did she just say nut bag?' And back and forth it went for the rest of the afternoon. We were like a bunch of teenage boys... it didn't matter how many times we said it, it never got old.

Later in the afternoon it started to rain, and in these parts of the country, rain is equivilant to a blizzard.

About 30 minutes before quitting time I started craving a corndog with mustard and that sealed the deal, I wasn't going.

I was in desperate need of a quiet night at home on the couch. Deep down I guess I'm a homebody and I'm ok with that... tonight at least.

Day 292: A mature date

So today was my get together with the might be gay guy... ok so I guess I should stop calling him that because after today I don't think he is gay.

We met up for a margarita, and it was all I could do to muster my strength to get to the restaurant.

I am so exhausted, the party last weekend, and running around all week is killing me.

I'm not trying to say it's tough to be me, I'm happy to have a lot going on, but I am starting to wonder if I'm too old for this.

I am not 26 anymore. Maybe there is something to be said for being content.

I managed to make it home, change clothes, and freshen up before heading to the restaurant to meet with the not so gay guy.

We had a good time learning about each other, telling stories, you know the drill.

I have to say it was refreshing and nice to not have to try to keep an octopus off me, and to have some adult conversation. What a concept.

At one point, he said 'I feel like I'm being a dud, I'm so tired, I'm just not myself tonight'. I laughed and told him it was a good thing because I felt the same way.

It was refreshing to know we were both tired, like we shared some kind of common bond... and we do... age!

During the date the not so gay guy proceeded to tell me about his past relationships, girlfriends, etc. It was a little unorthodox, isn't that one of the golden rules of dating?

Admitedly he wasn't pining over them, just giving me the history of what led up to him being single at this point in his life.

I felt slightly compelled to tell him about Mr. Wonderful, but decided against it. It's such a hard thing to bring up so early on, but then again, his past wasn't so easy either.

At one point during the conversation, we started talking about finding the happy place in a bad situation and I danced around the topic a lot.

We also discussed sometimes life is best when you are just content. Always reaching for the golden ring can drive you crazy.

We called it a night and I came home and settled in for the night watching a little tv before going to bed.

I turned Kimmel on and when I saw Zac Efron was coming on the show I decided to stay up and watch. Since he's been on the show, I'm interested to see how his other interviews go.

During the discussion about his new movie, he said something wise... 'Sometimes you have to go through the sad place to find happiness.'

So true, although sometimes I wonder if I will ever let myself be free enough to actually feel that happiness without being scared of it getting ripped out from under me again.

Day 293: Haunting reminders

I'm still struggling a bit with the 24 year old thing, and it seemed to haunt me a bit today.

I saw a text from someone talking about the show '24', then one of my work friends started talking about a 'young girl... she's 23'. Before she made it any further in the story I said 'right... young'... and she started laughing.

By the time the afternoon hit I was really starting to feel like a pedophile!

It didn't help that I spent most of the afternoon in a Safety Committee meeting.

Oh yes, there is such a thing and somehow I was nominated for it.

It is like a scene from the tv show The Office. There is safety committee humor, that really isn't that funny... talk of adding more signs all over the building to make sure people remmeber to slow down, and not fall down the stairs.

I know... it doesn't sound like something you need to tell people to do, but evidently everyone in my building is racing for the door to escape.

I swear by the time they're done with all the signs our office is going to look like one giant two story Nascar. Not to mention the safety hazzard of not being able to watch where your going because you're reading a bunch of signs.

It's no surprise I zoned out as I sat there in the meeting. As I looked around the room I spotted a guy I work with who hit on me at a party last year.

At the time it didn't seem to be such a good idea... given my current track record... I did take a nanosecond to rethink it, but then figured it must be all the safety humor getting to me.

Once I was free, there were a few more comments. One text message said 'I told you to stay away from the high schools' Hardee Har har

Its a good thing I can laugh about it and make fun of myself. Seriously if you can't then what's the point?

Then someone else offered up the voice of reason. She said 'hey, it's not like your going after these guys. They are coming after you!'

Someone else chimed in 'it's all your fault you know... because you look so young.' ha ha... yes its not the first time I've heard that, but it still doesn't make me feel much better knowing it could happen again.

And considering they keep getting younger and younger... I'm a little scared!

I guess I'm going to have to beef up the screening process.

The list has been pretty short so far. My only tool of guaging the age has been whether they get the Smokey & Bandit reference for my cats.

If they're old enough to know the movie, we're good.

I realized today, that is not exactly the case. Both the young boys I've 'dated' have known the movie.... so I guess its time to throw that one out the window.

At least I know I'm ok with tomorrow's get together with the might be gay guy. He is in his early 40's so at least I'm safe there, well at least that's one thing off my check list.

Now if only I could nail down whether he's straight... ugh... this is exhausting!

Day 294: Quick trip to bobcat-ville

So all day today has been leading up to my 'drinks' with Fargo.

I was so busy at work I forgot for a while, then I got a text at about 3:30.

'Are we still on for drinks?'

I resonded with 'yep, if you're in I'm game'

His response 'Sure! I've got an appointment at 5, and basketball at 8, will 630 work?'

My response, 'Sounds good. Where do you want to meet?'

Him 'The sushi spot by my place'

Me 'perfect, I'll see you there at 630'

I held up at work for a while, chatting with the Encourager about a project we're working on together, then freshened up and headed to the sushi place.

Along the way I called Sunshine. She interviewed for the open producer position in my department and got the job, but I wasn't able to say anything until she knew she had it.

At about 630 I hung up and walked into the sushi bar. About the time I got a table I got a call from Fargo.

His appointment was running late and he wanted to switch the venue to a restaurant across the street, apologizing several times. I agreed and hopped in my car.

I pulled up and walked in, and saw him at the bar.

I sat down and it was a lukewarm reception. I'm sure if I planted one on him he would have been ok, but we opted for a hug with an air kiss on the cheek.

Then he introduced me to the guy sitting next to him... who was the guy he had the business meeting with.

I was a little taken back, but then realized that guy was also with another couple, but I still thought he may have switched the venue to stay in the 'safe zone'.

As I sat down we started up the small talk. He asked how my weekend at home was and I responded with 'oh it was eventful' and proceeded to tell him about my brother dating a much younger girl.

He said 'oh wow ok so how old is she?' I replied with 'I'm not sure... 23? She graduated in 2005'

He said 'So, how old do you think I am?' I said 'I don't want to guess I'm really bad at those things'

And he quickly comes back with 'so are we just going to go on pretending we don't know how old each other is?'

And I said 'well you know how old I am, you asked me that night we met, and I have no idea how old you are'

And so it went... until I finally broke down and guessed his age based off on conversation about a month ago.

I said 'I am going to guess 31?' I was erring on the lower end of the spectrum, although I doubted 32 was a reality.

He laughed and said 'no.... I'm 24'. I was stunned.... seriously?! Twenty.. f-ing 4! Are you kidding me?! My mind was racing... all I could think about was the 26 year old a few months ago... what in the world was going on?! I thought that was a fluke... and I certainly didn't think I'd ever date anyone younger than that!

He settled me back into reality with 'does that freak you out?' All I could say was 'uh... no... I don't think so' as I stared a hole in the bar in front of me and became very thankful there were 2 glasses of wine sitting in front of me.

Wow.... I thought about the 26 year old... and tried to convince myself it wasn't that much different... but wow... all I can say is... wow.

Saved by the bell... or the vibration at least... he got a call from his brother and went outside to take it.

I immediately hopped on my phone to text a few of my 'besties' that I had let in on my drinks date.

'OMG He's 24!! Seriously?! I don't know whether to be flattered or go into a deep depression!'

They all started to text back... 'that is freakin' funny'.... 'OMG you ARE a cougar!' all I could do is laugh... seriously... is this my life right now?! I guess so.

So we keep chatting and he orders some food to go and asks if we can come back to my place. I agree... reluctantly... I think it was the wine talking.

But I also know I can hold my own, and I'm not afraid of doing it.

So we headed back to my place... he headed into the bathroom and I didn't think much of it.

Then I went in and looked on top of the dirty clothes hamper... where I occassionally throw my dirty clothes and what do I see?? I pair of my granny panties!

Seriously? I freaked out a little... I had them on yesterday because I was in complete comfort mode after the big party. I was mortified. At best I would hope he didn't see them, but if he did, there was nothing I could do about it.

I came out of the bathroom and we proceeded to make out a little.

He kept trying to push things to 'the next level' but I perservered. I know my will power is stronger than most and I am fine with keeping things in check.... and I did.

At one point, I noticed he was wearing Christmas boxer shorts! Again with the weirdness in my life... he didn't know about the Christmas in July party until I met him at the restaurant tonight.

What are the odds of that? So freakin' strange! That has to mean something... right? Or is God just laughing at me?

Things calmed down and he looked up and saw a picture frame on the wall.

It holds a picture of Mr. Wonderful, and it says 'When someone you love goes to heaven, a little piece of heaven is in your home.'

He saw it and asked who it was that I lost... and he kept on with the questions. I was surprised, he wasn't freaked out about it at all.

Surprising... of the few guys I've told, most are pretty awkward and freaked out about it. And rightfully so. I can't imagine being on the other side of that conversation, even after being through it, but Fargo seemed to 'get it'.

We talked, and he had lost someone close to him as well, so we seemed to bond a little.

Then we turned to the awkward place. He asked if I was freaked out that he was 24. I tried to play it cool.. I told him I dated a 26 year old last year.... and then asked how he felt about it.

His response? 'Can I be honest?' I replied with 'absolutely'... and he came back with 'it kind of freaks me out'. I laughed... and agreed.

My trip to bobcat-ville was short lived today... just a pit stop for a quick snack... no real time to stop and stay... wow... Twenty f-ing 4!

So we discussed where we go from here. He offered up friends with benefits, which I quickly shot down. 'I'm not that kind of girl.'

He again tried to get me to go all the way with him... to which I quickly responded with 'Nope I'm not that girl' he said 'I know your not.... I don't like those girls.'

So I said 'then why do you keep asking?' His response? 'because I'm hoping you will turn into that girl.' I had to laugh. This is why I like the guy. He's quick and witty and pretty dang funny.... too bad he's not a decade older.

Man what is it with my luck right now?! I guess it's up to the might be gay guy at this point.

Day 295: The post holiday hangover

I have this problem where instead of coming home after a long night, or after a party at my house, I don't just immediately go to bed.

I've gotten into the habit of plopping my butt on the couch and watching tv for a while.

Sure, sounds like a good plan, except that I don't end up watching tv. I end up falling asleep, and that's exactly what happened today.

I fell asleep around 3am, and woke up at about 5... still on the couch. At 6 I decided to make my way to the bedroom (since the sun was rising) and try to sleep until noon-ish.

At 845, I woke up sweating my butt off. What the heck is going on? This isn't the first time this has happened.

I've noticed just this year the morning after I drink a little too much, I find myself getting super hot in the mornings.

I have no idea what that is... it's bizarre. It's like a hot flash but that doesn't make any sense.

I got up to check and make sure the A/C was still crankin'... which I do every time... someday I'll just realize it's me... and made my way back to the couch to try to get some sleep in.

All I wanted to do all day long was sleep. I drew the blinds, turned on the tv and got comfy.

About the time I started to doze off, I got a text. 'had a great time last night thanks for having the party'

This went on all day long.

The Cheerleader texted me and asked if I was hungover.

My initial response was 'no', because I wasn't... or so I thought.

Sure I had a headache, but it could be because I slept on the couch, and for only a few hours in my own bed.

Then reality sunk in, and I texted back... 'I have a headache, I suppose it could be the tequila, beer and vodka.' ha ha

Back to sleep, then I got a phone call from Sunshine, then a call from another one of my guests.

I was super happy everyone had a good time, but for the love of the land, I needed to get some sleep!

I finally came up with the genius plan to turn the phone off. I thought I was home free... nope!

I heard a knock at the door and I thought to myself 'seriously?'

The only people who ever knock on my door are my neighbors trying to sell me something, or my BFF.

Thankfully I recognized her knock. At that point it was about 330 or 4pm, and the baseball game was coming on at 5 so I just decided to write it off.

I was feeling a little bit better and if I sleep any more right now, I won't be able to sleep tonight and then I'll be in bad shape tomorrow when I'm meeting Fargo for drinks.

And I still haven't listened to the message from Starbucks.

Day 296: Merry Christmas!

It's finally here. I can't believe I'm officially having my Christmas in July party.

I've been talking about it for at least 3 years... wow... it's actually hapening.

I woke up energized and ready to hit the ground running.

As I was getting ready I felt as if Mr. Wonderful was with me in spirit. He loved Christmas so it wouldn't surprise me in the least.

A quick brush of the teeth and I was off to Walmart to grab some last minute items for the party.

I got a bit of a late start, but considering I had 9 hours before the party I thought I was doing ok.

I think I walked 2 miles inside the store. I was criss crossing, and running in circles looking for certain things and thinking of other things that weren't on my list.

At one point I asked one of the workers, an older man, I'm guessing he was about 70, to help me find temporary hooks so I could 'hang my stockings with care'.

As I asked the question I noticed his eyes moving downward and landing on my chest. I was stunned! Mostly because I wasn't wearing a low cut shirt, just a t-shirt, and of course he's an old man.

Of course he asked if he could show me where the hooks were, I figured he was harmless so I let him. Wow, what a shocker... I guess you could call it a Christmas surprise! ha ha

Back and forth, here and there, my biggest dilemma was in the Jello aisle. I needed red and green colors, green is a given, but red... now that's a little tougher.

There's raspberry, cherry, and strawberry... I couldn't decide. Strawberry is safe bet for everyone but I'm partial to raspberry which is where I landed. If its my party I'm going to get what I want.

I even picked up some mixed berry for the 'token jews' who were attending. Now, don't think I'm a racist. That's the Cheerleader. On the RSVP, she wrote yes she would be attending with her husband and they would be the 'token jews'.

I came home and made the shots, cleaned up a bit, and then it was off again for another round of errands closer to party time. While I was out on the last minute run, the phone rings and I look down and it's Starbucks.

I thought maybe I'd heard the last from him, but I guess I was wrong. I legitimately was busy, so I didn't answer. He left a message but I haven't listened to it yet.

This party was meant to be, I've never had a party where I wasn't rushing around at the last minute getting ready or cleaning while my guests were arriving.... Today was different.

Maybe Mr. Wonderful was helping me along, whatever it was, it was nice to not be rushing that's for sure.

Once the party started, we had a small group sitting around and somehow the conversation turned to boys they all wanted to set me up with.

It was like a competition. The Cheerleader had the Snowman (he's the guy from Colorado that I had to 'friend' on facebook a while back), and then there is the Golf Guy.

I felt like it was a poker game. I'll take your 5 foot 11 web guy who lives in another state and raise you with an atheletic guy who lives locally.

All night, the Cheerleader's husband kept texting the Snowman. Every once in a while he would ask me a question... 'do you like the beach?' I replied with 'absolutely!'

I have to admit it was pretty nice to have everyone thinking of me and weeding out the bad guys to set me up with some winners.

More people arrived and that was the end of that conversation.

I had a good turnout and I think everyone had a good time. It was a big success, so I've decided I'm going to do it again next year and make it an annual tradition.

At one point, someone even said, ok so when's the New Years party? We joked that someone else was responsible for the New Years in August party.

I'm so glad I decided to have the party instead of just talking about it. 39 is turning out to not be that bad after all!

Day 297: Christmas in July Eve

It is Christmas in July Eve and I'm beat.

It's a good thing I've been working on the decorations for a week otherwise it would be a sorry state of affairs at the party.

I did manage to plug away at the decorationg. Out came the two rubbermaid containers full of holiday decorations.

I started to pull them all out, the rotating Christmas tree powered by candles, the Rudolph character set, Herbie the stuffed animal, candy containers, you name it, I broke it out.

And I have to say it's starting to look a lot like Christmas!

I went to lunch with the Cheerleader today, and she asked about the boys.

I gave her the quick rundown of what was happening with each, and then asked for her advice with Fargo next week.

Her response? 'Just do what's natural.' Genius! I know that's the right answer but I also want to branch out and try something new.... break out of my comfort zone.

I have to say I'm also starting to get super irritated with mini-vans.

One cut me off on my way into work yesterday, and then today I had one pull out in front of me only to go about 25 miles an hour in the 45 zone... I was probably going at least 50 when it happened.... grrrrr!

Seriously what is it about the people driving these heinous vehicles?? It's like they think they own the world and everyone should get out of their way.

Just because you have a child doesn't make you king of the world. Ok, I'm done with my tirade.

I know not everyone who drives a mini-van is like that (because I have plenty of friends who drive them too), but it sure seems like the ones I've been running into lately have been.

Maybe it's a sign? Am I supposed to slow down so I can have my own family? Nah, I'm sure that's not it, because I am having a great time running and gunning right now.

Although it is making me tired, and I'm not sure I could handle a family.

Day 298: Men and the makeup counter

I always do my best thinking on the way to and from work and today was no different.

On the 20 minute drive I started thinking about Fargo, and how I would approach our get together for drinks.

Should I go for it and overtly show him I like him by planting a kiss on him when I see him? Play it safe and wait for him to make a move? Or... go middle of the road... get a little flirty to show him I'm interested and wait for him to make the move?

I know how I would normally respond, and that's to play it safe but nothing ventured nothing gained at some point I'm going to have to take a risk in love... but is this the right time?

I suppose even if it doesn't work out this time, I still make progress and gain practice toward future risks.

After all of this internal dialogue in my head I was hit with my favorite phrase 'I will not obsess... I will not obsess... I will not obsess.'

And I have plenty of time to figure this out, because I have bigger issues to worry about over the next few days... first and formost getting my Christmas in July party ready.

I've been decorating all week, but I also keep feeling the need to procrastinate all week so I'm definitely not as far ahead as I'd like to be but that's par for the course.

At lunch today I grabbed a few things the host of my show was letting me borrow, and took off to run a few errands.

One of my tasks was to stop by the doctors office and pick up some products for my face.

While I was waiting to check out I looked over and saw what looked like a Halloween decorating sitting in one of the chairs in the waiting room.

It didn't make sense to me, so I did a double take, and realized it wasn't a decoration but a real person!

It was an older woman slumped over in the chair wrapped in a plaid blanket of some sort, but her face looked plastic or like wax. When I first looked at it I thought it was a jacket a farmer or someone in a rural area would wear.... it completely threw me off but luckily I figured it out before I left because I think it would have baffled me for a while.

Then it was off to the mall to grab some powder.

I decided to ask the girl behind the beauty counter about different foundations, and she proceeded to take me to 4 different cosmetic counters and show me all the different products that were available.

This one has this, this one has that, this one has both, by the time I went to pay for my powder I was so completely confused I didn't know what to do.

As I walked out to my car and sat down I thought to myself, the cosmetic counter at the department store is a lot like men.

There are so many different places to get your makeup, all sell the same products, but each brand is a little different.

Just like you can find a man at the grocery store, church, or a bar.

Even when you find the place you like to get your products there are so many different variables within those products it's hard to know which one is right for you.

If you've had good luck with men you've met at church there's a pretty good chance you will find another one, but which subtle difference would you like this time? And which one is going to be the perfect fit for you?

It's all so confusing. No matter how much you trust your gut, sometimes it all comes down to timing.

What works for you now may not work for you in 10 years... it's exhausting.

Day 299: The mini-payoff in the game of chance

It's no surprise, but work has been terribly crazy recently.

I've been talking about it for days. Dont get me wrong I'm ok with it because I do think we're all moving in the right direction.

I feel like I've been released from prison... at least partially. I do still feel like there's a string on my back that could yank me back at any point in time.

Do you ever have one of those days where everthing is just a little 'off'?

That was my day today. It started off ok. I had my iced coffee made last night so all I had to do was grab it and go.

I woke up in plenty of time, managed to dry and straighten my hair, and make a sandwich and I was only a few minutes late for work.

But it all started when I got to work. It seemed like everything started piling up around me.

I delegated a few things and managed to make it all work, then after the show it all started again.

I was feeling overwhelmed and needed to get out of the building for lunch... even though I made my lunch. Thank goodness I have a cat who needs medication. Write the day down... I never thought I'd say that one that's for sure.

I took off and went to pick up the medication, while I tried to scarf down my sandwich on the drive.

A few cars pulled into the pet pharamacy... oh yes there is such a thing... at the same time I did.

One grabbed the quick 15 minute parking, the other took one of 3 remaning spots along one side of the very tight and small parking lot.

I pulled into the one next to it and looked up to see a sign that said 'Reserved for x'. Sure I could have stayed there, but knowing my luck the guy would pull in and get pissed off so I decided to move.

Since it is a small parking lot, I was now required to do an 8 point turn to get out of the parking space and turned around so I could find another.

I honed in on the last remaining spot in the parking lot and took off hoping to beat anyone else to the punch.

I made it and hopped out of the car, only to see the other 2 cars pull out of the lot. They didn't even go inside! Really? When does that happen?

I went inside picked up the drugs and it was time to head back. I knew it was a tight parking spot when I pulled in, but little did I know I was now required to do a 12 point turn to get out of the spot I pulled into.

It was a miracle, but I made it happen without hitting any other cars. Whew... I was home free! So I took off... only to run over a curb... twice. Again I thought to myself... really?

Oh well hopefully the worst was over, and I think it was for the most part.

But that event pushed me over the edge. All I wanted to do was get out of the building and try to de-stress... but instead I was starting to feel trapped.

So in my infinite wisdom I decided this was the perfect opportunity to text Fargo. I know.. I know... let them chase you... well today I didn't care, and I knew he would be up for a drink.

I just kept saying this one phrase to myself... 'what would you do if you knew you could not fail'.

It's one of my favorite phrases and I've held it close to my heart these past few years because in most cases it hasn't let me down.

So I texted... 'I am in desperate need of a cocktail. Want to meet up after work for a drink? No pressure... but I think you do owe me for a ride the airport ;)'

It was perfect... cute... kind of sassy... and friendly. How could he say no?

Well he didn't... but it didn't happen today. He's booked for the next few days and I have so much to do for my party that we settled on early next week.

Hmmmm... I'm still not sure exactly what to think about it all. I'm pretty sure he's not terribly interested because if he was he would have contacted me sooner but I'm also not convinced it still couldn't happen.

However this phrase is also close to my heart, 'If they want to see you they'll make time to see you it's as simple as that'.

Meanwhile, the might be gay guy also emailed me back, and we're all set for late next week.

So one confirmed, and possibly 2 dates next week. Not bad.

Although one could be an obligation date because of a ride to the airport, but I'll take what I can get right now because thats the one I'm most interested in.

Again it's also the one that is probably the least intersested in me... but that's pretty much how it works.

Either way, I'm still proud of myself for listening to my gut and sending the text. It did pay off this time... it may not in the long run, but that's ok... because its all about living and taking chances.

Day 300: Crazy boob day

Oh my God do I need a cocktail... STAT! The word for today is 'crazy'.... in every sense of the word.

There was a lot of running around from one thing to the next one task to the next.

It was one of those days when you don't have or make time to pee.

Seriously! I've said it before, but how does life get so out of control that you can forget a bodily function?

Part of the day, and reason for the word of the day were the pictures of boobs.

Yes, once again we have a plastic surgeron paying for a spot on the show and they are using pictures.

And once again, that means I get to sit in a small dark room staring at pictures of boobs.

Big ones, saggy ones, flat ones, and of course the 'afters' which are all perfectly perky.

The photos we've received in the past were already censored, with black bars in the necessary places and it was up to us to crop them and add more black if needed.

But not today, we're talking full frontal nudity for the most part.

So now I find myself sitting in a small dark room with a sliding glass door looking at pictures of boobs.

If anyone looked in I'm sure they would have called HR.

I thought about putting up a curtain or something to block the view into the room, but that creeped me out more than the thought of someone looking at me while I was looking at boobs.

I felt like adding the curtain would be like sitting in a peep show!

Adding to all of it... I didn't know how to add the black bars, so I had to ask for help from one of the guys in our department.

He is married so it's not like there is awkward sexual tension... its more the awkwardness of being in a room with a boy looking at boobs at work.

Some of today's photos needed some censoring... which I needed help with... and that meant I needed to call in one of the guys in our department to train me.

Talk about inappropriate and awkward work conversations. I kept saying 'seriously in what work environment is this normal?'

Our conversation progressed and we determined it depends on who you were talking to as to the response you would get.

For him... most of his friends would probably react with 'really?! You get to look at what all day?! Are they hiring?'

As you can imagine, my friends would have a different response.

Adding to the boob drama, I felt it was courteous to ask my new boss if he wanted to see the edited photos before we put them on the air.

I asked not because I wanted to show him boobs, but because these types of photos have been a topic of discussion and analysis frequently in the past.

When asked, he responded with 'hey, I've seen them before. I'm a guy you're asking me to look at breasts? I'm ok with that, but I trust your judgement'.

Well, thanks for that.... I think?

This is just one of the situations where working in tv is not like any other business on the planet.

Day 301: Stop thinking!

I emailed the might be gay guy today about getting together for our date.

I was supposed to email him last week when I got back into town, but I was so busy I couldn't fit a happy hour in anywhere.

I know... I know... its a tough life I have... but it is my life at least for the moment.

I don't ever remember being this busy in all my life. I guess establishing myself in the same city for 15 years really has started to pay off a little bit.

Anyway, I finally sent off the email today saying I could get together in a few days if he's available.

So we'll just have to wait and see. I know I keep calling him the might be gay guy, so you're probably wondering why I even agreed to go out with him.

In fact, I wonder sometimes myself, but then again you never know who "the guy" might be unless you give them a chance, so that's what I'm doing.

And obviously he's not gay (or at least he doesn't know it) if he asked me out.

All that said, of course I am cautiously optimistic... and a little concerned I'm going to dig myself into another hole like I did with Starbucks.

I have a problem thinking too much about what or why something isn't going to work unless I'm already convinced it will. And that also gets me into trouble. When I think something is going to turn out a certain way and it doesn't I get a little bummed out.

The Coffee Fairy said it best today "I need to think less. I'd be a lot happier". I couldn't agree more. Thinking gets me in trouble.

I always over think everything to make sure I have the best possible answer to every possible question, when in reality, if I just relaxed and 'went with it' I'd be much better off.

Which is probably why I always seem to do better with the guys I don't think I care about. They're the ones I don't get worked up about, and I'm most like myself and vice versa.

Some of the best times I've had in my life were unplanned, and come from 'real' moments.

I'll get to practice my new way of thinking... or I guess I should say NOT thinking in a few days.

Day 302: Trimming the tree and other home improvements

Christmas in July is coming together quite nicely.

I put up the Christmas tree today, and pulled a few decorations. I want to make sure I'm in the holiday spirit before the party.

I also wanted to do a few fix up projects before my guests arrive.

I woke up early and got right to work. I have a misting system I bought last summer but never put up. Now I decided was the time. I had to make sure my guest are comfortable I thought.

It's been really hot the past few days but since I was up early I thought I could get it done before the triple digits set in.

It was pretty easy to do, which makes me wonder why I waited so long to do it. Attach the hose and nail the brackets around the hose... easy. I got it up and turned it on to check out my handy work.

It looked pretty good. But there was one that was dripping instead of misting. Instead of turning off the water I decided to work on it while the water was flowing.

The result was me getting soaked, but I did get it fixed and now I'm feeling like Superwoman.

With the misters and the chaise, I can actually enjoy my back patio which didn't happen last summer... there's nothing stopping me.

A pool would be nice, but that's not exactly on the agenda... and not something I can do myself so I guess it'll have to wait.

From there it was off for a little cat sitting for the BFF, then on to the grocery store.

I have been gone so much the past month I didn't even bother buying groceries. There was no point, because everything would have gone bad.

I have to say, there is something liberating and freeing about actually having food in the fridge to eat.

Sounds kind of funny, but it's true. When there's something to eat in your house you aren't a slave to the scraps that have been left over from the past 6 months.... or what may be open when you decide to eat.

The past week, when I've been hungry I've had to eat almonds and toast with butter because it's all I had left in the house.

I was starting to feel like I was being held hostage, but it's pretty much all my own fault. But its not anything I would change.

So now it's time to wind down and get ready for the week ahead of me. A week that seems promising. We should have an answer to who will be working with us in a matter of days.

I'm actually energized about work right now. I can't believe it's only been a week with my new boss, and the dramatic difference in my attitude.

I am excited to get back to producing again, and happy to be going to work for someone who appreciates me and the work I do.

What a difference 4 days makes. I feel like I've been let out of prison! And its transferred to my private life as well.

Here's to a new lease on life!

Day 303: The chaise lounge

Being single without any real support can be hard, but it's also kind of funny sometimes... like today.

I was driving around running errands picking up stuff for the Christmas in July party when I ran across a gorgeous chaise lounge at TJ Maxx.

It was wood, I'm guessing (and hoping) teak, and it was $75! How do you pass that up?! It matches my outdoor furniture, and I've been looking for something like that for a while so I thought 'what the heck?'

Then I realized I was going to have a slightly difficult time getting it home. I drive a convertible, which means there isn't a whole lot of room for much of... well... anything. I've had the car for 11 years so I'm pretty used to it by now, but that doesn't mean everyone else is.

Case in point today, after I bought the chaise. The guy at the store who was going to help me get it in the car asked me to pull around I giggled to myself a little bit knowing he had no idea what was in store for him.

As pulled up I could see the guy start to laugh as his hand made its way to his head to run through his hair. He had absolutely no idea how he was going to get it in my car.

But it was not my first rodeo. I've been single off and on for quite a while, more single than not anyway, so I'm pretty good with getting things in my car and getting them home by myself.

After some maneuvering we managed to get it in the car and I was on my way home. But only after snapping a quick picture on my phone. I couldn't help but think to myself as I was standing there how it kind of sucks that I don't have a boyfriend or family to help me with something so simple.

But this is my life, it's the hand I was dealt so I just need to accept it and move on which is exactly what I did.

I hopped in the car with the top down, and the air cranked to the max because it was 115 degrees, but thankfully I live close. On the short drive I laughed a little to myself knowing I look like a complete idiot with this ginormous piece of furniture sticking out of my car.

As I got closer it hit me... crap... now I have to get it out of my car by myself too. How is that going to work?

Again, its not like I havent' done this before, but I don't like to fool myself into thinking I will be able to do it by myself every time.

If I can't do it by myself, I don't know what I would do? Ask the 70 year old who lives next door to help me? Or leave it my car for a few days until I can get one of my friends to help?

Once at home I gingerly pulled and tugged the chaise out of the car and managed to get it on the back patio.

Then it was inside for a little rest... and a shower. Did I mention it was extremely hot today?

While I was flipping through the channels I ran across the movie P.S. I love you.. on Lifetime.

It's one of those movies I always said I wouldn't watch, but for some reason I felt compelled tonight.

I only caught about half of the movie, but what I saw rang very true with me. In some way I think Mr. Wonderful is guiding me on my journey and this could be his way of making sure I start to live again.

If he is, I'm ok with it because I'm starting to feel so much better about everything now days. It's like the train is back on the track and heading in the right direction instead of being derailed and leaking hazardous material.

Day 304: Big Winner!

Work is so much better than it has been in the past 3 1/2 years I have worked in my department.

I feel like I've been freed from prison! It's unbelievable, but I still feel cautiously optimistic that everything will stay the same.

After work the Cheerleader, and one of the other girls at work headed out to a spa event.

We grabbed our goodie bags, and went in to check out the raffle items.

I decided to put my ticket in for a liquor basket (surprise) and a gift certificate for an event planner.

The event planner is not something I would have chosen, but I do have a 40th birthday party to think about, even though it's 10 months away.

I was one of 3 tickets in the running so I figured 'what the heck?!'

It was time for the drawing so the crowd started to form.

They started calling numbers, and as my prize started getting closer I look over at my friends and I see the Cheerleader say 'we need to pray for her to win the event planner'.

I laughed a little and they did too as the Jew and the Mormon joined hands and prayed for me to win the big prize where I had a 1 in 3 chance.

They drew the number but sadly I wasn't the winner. I blew it off and just figured it wasn't meant to be for me on this one.

None of us won anything so we went into the gift shop to take a look around. Not too long later the girl doing the drawing sought me out and told me the girl who won turned in her prize and she was giving it to me!

Whoo hoo!! Winner winner chicken dinner! Now I have to throw quite a shin dig for my 40th birthday party because I have a party planner.

I guess it was in the cards for me this time.

Maybe I should hire her for Christmas in July party which I haven't even remotely planned. Yikes! T-minus 1 week and counting for that one.

Day 305: Mars v. Venus

It looks like another one bites the dust.

I tried to recover with Fargo, but apparantly it didn't work. He hasn't exactly been quick on the responses... but neither have I... and I haven't heard back since my last text yesterday.

Perhaps texting is the problem, or maybe its the age that is the bigger issue.

This is a bit of what happened with the 26 year old.

I suppose it's only fair I'm getting blown off, because it is what I have done to the Starbucks guy. I guess that'll teach me, karma does come back to bite you in the butt sometimes.

I'm also starting to think that younger guys may not be the best bet for me. But I am stuck in the middle somewhere.

I feel young, and I want to hang out with young guys because guys my age seem old.

I just can't be with someone who seems or feels old.

I met up with some friends tonight for happy hour. Back to Blue Martini and back to the Skinny Bitch martini, which is quite tasty and evidently not too horrible for the waistline.

I met up with my PR friend, my BFF, and a fellow producer at a competing station. The other producer has been dealing with a break up since I met her a few months ago.

My PR friend kept bringing up all these books she said I told her about a while ago. I was so confused... Mars and Venus... He's Just Not That Into You.. all the relationship analysis books.

It all started coming back to me, I do remember reading and analyzing those books, and passing along my expertise to my friends if they could benefit.

Now I'm sitting across the table realizing I need those books again while I'm looking at my friends who are married, and in a serious relationship. The hindsight is 20/20 thing is so true.

While we were there, I was the only one at the table who didn't get hit on. Talk about feeling like chopped liver! Wow! When did that happen?!

Although I did decide as we were sitting there listening to an 80's cover band, that I will try to give a fake phone number the next time I'm not necessarily interested.

That number will be the number from the song 'Jenny', 867-5309 and see if any of the guys recognize it. If they don't, maybe they are too young to know the song, or just won't pick up on it.

Either way I guess it won't matter because the reason I'm giving them the number is because I'm not interested.

Who knew a simple happy hour could be so enlightening for dating?

Day 306: Big star.. big movie

Work is buzzing about Zac Efron coming on the show tomorrow.

People asking if they can bring their kids, others asking if he can see him, coworkers are posting it on facebook, and the phones at the front desk are ringing.

Most of my day was spent tying up loose ends and trying to make sure our i's are dotted and our t's are crossed, preparing for any potential crowds.

After work it was more Zac Efron, I was meeting up with the Cheerleader for a special preview of his new movie Charlie St. Cloud.

We are often invited to watch previews of the movies before the guests come on the show, I have to say it's a perk of the job that I greatly appreciate.

We sat down daydreaming of 2 hours of beautiful abs and spent a few minutes catching up.

Then the movie started, and I don't think either of us was prepared for what we were about to experience.

The movie is a drama and one that impacts everyone in a different way. Early on there is a tragic moment, and we both cried... and most of the theater did too I'm sure.

But as the movie went on, we kept finding ourselves crying more and more.

It wasn't a continual cry, but there were moments that would catch us both off guard and it would start up again.

She would see me cry and knowing my history, she would cry for me, she would also cry for her own reasons, then I would see her crying and know she was thinking of me which made me cry more. We were a mess!

We ran through the napkins we grabbed for the popcorn, then I broke out the tissues I had in my purse.

When it was all said and done and the movie was over, both of us were still sitting there crying together while the rest of the theater cleared out.

After the lights were raised we were still sitting there trying to 'get a grip.'

I believe 'we're idiots' cam out of both of our mouths repeatedly, because no one seemed to be a visibly moved as we were.

At one point she looked at me with tears in her eyes and a tissue in her hand and she said, "Our lives should be a "f'n reality show."

We both laughed, because she's right, and it was pretty funny.

Two grown women feeling like a couple of perverts expecting to watch a teen heart throb with his shirt off for 2 hours, ended up like a couple of hormonal old cougars with red eyes and mascara running down our cheeks.

We also talked a little about why it was so emotional for us. The movie is about dealing with death and finding love, two very emotional topics for me.

I thought I had gotten past a lot of it, but the dialogue in the movie was quite powerful for me.

At one point in the movie Zac's character "Charlie" is talking with his brother "Sam" who is dead, when Sam says "I feel like I'm losing you -- your moving away from me, I can feel it when you don't think about me as much."

That moment was very intense for me, because I can definitely relate. It's hard to let go of someone you love, you don't want to let them go because you feel such a close connection to them. You also feel a sense of guilt by moving on because there is a sense that it means their life was not insignificant.

But in reality you do need to live your life... something I'm just starting to do again.

Day 307: Busy... busy... busy

Back to the grind. After 2 days off, and 2 co-workers missing from my department, life was a little tough today.

The day was like a blur, moving from one task to the next just trying to get everything done, all while fitting in a meeting with the new boss.

I feel pretty good about the transition, and I'm looking forward to finding and utilizing my creativity... again.

He's already starting to interview for the open producer position which makes me feel pretty good. Since Sunshine is looking for a job, I told her I would 'walk' her resume into his office. By the end of the day he had already called and scheduled an interview for 2 days from now.

She immediately texted me and said 'dude! what did you do?! I have an interview on Thurs!' I have to admit her resume did all the talking, all I did was get it in front of him.

We grew up together at our old station, so it would be nice to work together again in this capacity. But I guess we'll just have to wait and see how it all plays out.

My personal life is starting to feel a little like the professional life.

I need to schedule a date with the might be gay guy, which will hopefully be tough because Fargo will want to spend time with me, go see the new Zac Efron movie for work, happy hour with a friend, and plan a party that's a week and a half away.

I have so much to do, I can hardly see straight. The invitations are out for the Christmas in July party, so now all I have to do is get the menu set.

Jell-O shots are definitely in order, beyond that I'm at a bit of a loss, but I'll figure it out.

Beyond that today was pretty low key. I didn't have time to think about anything beyond work.

It's so bad right now, that I don't need to buy any food to have at my house because it will just go bad because I won't be here.

That was a tad bit problematic tonight, because I don't have any food in my house and I struggled to find something to eat. Thank goodness for spaghetti and marinara, it saved me tonight and allowed me to keep my pj's on once I got home.

Now its time to kick back and watch the All-Star game and hope the NL can pull out a win.

With all of the craziness I'll still take busy over slow any day of the week... although a little down time is always nice to catch your breath.

Day 308: Ghosts of boyfriends past

Flying home always ends up being a full day of travel.

Because we live so far from the airport, the day ends up being a late morning followed by breakfast and lunch at the house, then its time to head to the airport.

That's exactly how it all went down today, with one exception.

When we left today, my mom got really emotional. It's so unlike her, so it upset both my sister and I. She's a rock, and we've never seen her like this so it was gut wrenching.

It was so odd to be standing on the other side of the emotion. It wasn't that long ago that I was the emotional one, with friends and family surrounding me, giving me the love and compassion I needed to get through losing Mr. Wonderful.

Now I was on the giving end, and seeing how it felt to have the person apologize and want to walk away, while I didn't want to let go.

We eventually set out on the road, but I couldn't stop thinking about it. Maybe that's why I was more emotional than usual today.

During the flight I turned on the mp3 player and hit shuffle. As the songs came up each one reminded me of a different former boyfriend.

Dave Mathews Band.... smooching under the Christmas tree 15 years ago.... Sheryl Crow.... the same guy when he moved away... Tom Petty.... a short lived romance a long time ago... Rod Stewart singing the classice... Smothered Boy... Leona Lewis... Mr. Wonderful.... the songs kept coming and at one point I found myself getting a little teary thinking about what I had with Mr. Wonderful and losing it.

It took me a little off guard, and I didn't know what to do. Thankfully the guy next to me was snoring, and the Glamour Girl on the other side was also asleep so I was able to easily wipe the tears and compose myself.

To make matters worse, when I got off the plane I had a facebook email from a guy I used to work with asking whether I was still with this total jackwad I used to date 10 years ago.

Wow, that was a blast from the past. I had completely forgotten about that guy.... and for good reason. Did I mention he was a jackwad? To give you some idea of how much of a jerk he was I'll tell you one quick anecdote.

After dating for 2+ years, he decided to break up with me over the phone on my birthday... while I was at work during a ratings period (which is a very stressful time in my world). Oh yeah... and he got married 6 weeks later and was a dad 9 months later. You do the math... women are actually pregnant for 10 months. Uh... yeah... did I say jackwad?

I'm really not bitter, I could care less about the guy. In fact, if he fell off the face of the earth I wouldn't even know or care but I do like to tell the story because I like people to know how much of an ass he really is.

But on to bigger and better things. It was so strange to hear all those songs, and feel the way I did.

I know the senses can bring back some strong memories and occassionally a song will bring up a quick thought, but today it was much different. It was like taking a trip down the boyfriends lane.... some were rundown beach houses, while others were homes that looked great from the outside but had major issues going on inside... and of course the house that is the perfect fit for you that gets away.

It's time to get out there and continue down the path, and that's exactly what I intend to do... as soon as I can free up some time in my schedule.

Day 309: Aaahhh family time

Sleep was the name of the game today. After getting to bed at 3am last night I was due for some much needed beauty sleep.

Seriously what is going on with the 3am? I can't believe I've had yet another 3am night. This is getting out of control. When I get back home I'm going to have to settle down, and I'm pretty sure I'll be able to do that.

I would have been happy to stay in pajamas and lay around the house all day, and when I realized the baseball game was on... I was pretty much in heavan.

There's nothing better than laying around on a lazy summer day watching baseball while you're dozing in and out of consciousness.

To top it all off... rain was coming into the area. I haven't seen rain in so long, it's always a welcome sight.

After lunch the Glamour Girl decided to jet off to see some more high school friends that weren't at the reunion, which gave me some family time.

Our family time is never much to write about. We just lay around and hang out, chatting and catching up.

This trip however was going to be about planning my dad's 80th birthday party coming up in a few months.

Unfortunately we never really got around to it. I guess I thought we were all going to get together to do it, minus dad and my brother didn't show up until later.

My dad is a bit of a character... ok... so he's a big character. One of my favorite sayings from my mom is 'if you think they ever grow up your sadly mistaken'. That is a direct reflection of her experience being married to my father for more than 50 years.

He is the eternal child, and I always look forward to hearing the stories about his antics.

This weekend was no different. As I got home, my sister proceeded to tell me I need to ask about the purple oppossum. Yes... the purple oppossum.

Little did the creature know what he was getting himself into when he stepped foot into my dad's garden. I guess the little guy got in there and started eating my dad's corn, so he set a trap.

He ended up catching the critter and decided he was going to take him further out into the country and let him go, but before he did he wanted to make sure the oppossum didn't come back... or I guess if he did... he wanted to know it was the same one. So you guessed it, he spray painted a stripe down his back.

In case your wondering, so far no sign of the little guy.

This is just one small story to sum up my father. Needless to say I'm a little concerned about bringing a boy home, if and when I do find one. He's a wonderful man, just a little eccentric... although that is what we love about him.

Fargo did send me a text a few days ago, asking about my week. I told him I was back home and that was pretty much the end of the texting. I guess that means the balls in my court.

As I walk around my parents house and think about the little I know about him, I think he would get along really well with my family.

I realize I'm putting the cart about 2 miles ahead of the horse on this one, so don't think I'm lining up to marry the guy, but I am thinking about the characteristics he has and his personality. If it doesn't work out with him, I'll know what to look for in the next guy.

Although being Irish may be all it takes.... Fargo is Irish.... and so is my dad. I think there is something about the Irish that makes you a little bit of a prankster and comedian. I have to say I like it.... but we'll just have to wait and see what happens.

Day 310: The reunion

So here I sit... again.... at my second high school reunion in 2 years. Same high school, same people, just a different year.

I am here to support the Glamour Girl. We are just a year apart, and in my tiny hometown a lot of people from our class ended up married to people in this class. So I was hanging with a lot of the same crowd from last year.

She was fine, just like I knew she'd be, so I sat back and chatted with some of my former classmates... once they recognized me.

In high school, I had curly brown hair and glasses, now I try to straighten my hair which is now blonde to try to 'camoflage' the gray and I don't wear glasses anymore. It doesn't sound very drastic but when you haven't seen someone in 20 years it can be hard to recoganize the face.

As I looked around I could see all the familiar cliques starting to form... again. While everyone has grown up, some things never change.

I understand some of that is natural, but here, it's absolutely out of control. Everyone seems to want to re-hash it all, instead of taking a trip down memory lane, and quite frankly I'm over it.

At one point, one of my friends posted a picture of me on facebook, and a classmate who wasn't able to make it in from out of state wrote back asking if I was in town. She proceeded to tell the small group we were talking to that he had a crush on me and kept asking if he could marry me last year. Perfect. the only problem is... he's gay.

One of the guys from my class looked at me confused? So I quickly responded with 'now if only I could get a straight man to think that way!' I had to come up with something to ease the awkwardness.

This is why class reunions are a bad idea. I know a lot of people can find someone at events like this but here... its a different story.

Before I left, a few of my friends said 'maybe you'll meet someone'. A lot of them were the same people that said the same thing last year when I came home. I swear if I hear one more person say that to me I'm going to throw them off a cliff.

I tried to explain to them what this world is all about because they have no concept, and most people don't unless they have lived it.

You can't equte being from a small town to any other experience. The cliques continue long past high school, and everyone is in everyone elses business.

A lot of the people I went to school with dated each other in high school and got married. Some of them also got divorced (a few times) and then remarried each other's spouses... so its got kind of a round table of wife swap going on.

I don't know how this type of behavior can continue, because in a few more generations everyone will be related somehow.

The people here are lovely, genuine, and deep down good people, but they don't have a lot of ambition. Most stay close to home, and that's just not for me.

The closest major city to my hometown where I could work is 80 miles away, and most of the jobs these people hold are not things that can be done in the 'big city'.

Don't get me wrong I love it here, I just couldn't live here.

As the night started to draw to a close, I look over and see my brother walking into the bar with a girl.

I assume this must be his new girlfriend. In all my years I've never known him to have a serious girlfriend, so this was a new experience for me. I'd heard some casual conversations with her name thrown into it, but nothing was ever said about her being his girlfriend.

I think to myself.. so... here we go! I wave to him and he comes over, a short time later, she comes over and introduces herself. We chat briefly, and I determine she seems nice... nice enough for my brother? At first inspection... I'll give her the ok.

Honestly, as long as he's happy, we're all happy. That's just kind of how we operate.

Day 311: Its good to be home

Today is the day I flew back home with my high school friend the Glamour Girl for her 20 year reunion.

Yes I said 'her' 20 year reunion, because I went to mine last year. She didn't actually graduate from my school but was invited back to reconnect.

Once again I procrastinated the packing, I swear if I get any worse I'm going to be buying clothes and a suitcase when I get to my destination.

I decided to get up early and pack this morning. Since I'm staying at my parents house I can use most of their toiletries and I'll be in good shape. I also didn't need to analyze the wardrobe too heavily. I am heading back to a town of 2,000 people in the middle of the country. A few pair of shorts, a few t-shirts, flip flops and I'm pretty well set for the weekend.

It seemed like a good plan, but thank goodness I had extra time. I don't even know how it happened because I'm always cutting everything too close. Somewhere, someone was looking out for me today because when I got within 30 minutes of leaving (which is usually the time I'm frantically running through the house trying to gather everything) one of my cats got stuck in the handles of a paper shopping bag.

This isn't a tragedy by any means, but it freaked the little guy out. He was running hysterically around the house with the bag trailing behind him. All he wanted to do was get away from it, but he couldn't because the handles were struck around his torso. He ran in circles from the kitchen to the living room down the hall to the bedroom and back out... then back into the kitchen where one side of the bag finally ripped off when he ran past something but half of the bag was still attached,.. and still making noise.

While it was going on I tried to get him to calm down so I could help him, but it was pointless, so then I started to think... maybe I should get my video camera? I could win some money with this video... no... I had to help the little guy.

He finally settled under the bed, which is too tight a space for me to get under so I did the next best thing. I took the bed apart. Off came the duvet... and the pillows.. then I shoved the matress off , when I got to the box springs he sauntered out and I was able to help him out of his situation.

I have no idea how it happened, but I still managed to make it everywhere with plenty of time even after the fiasco!

After a long flight, and a day of travel we were finally home. It feels nice to be here. There is something about being here on this trip that seems different to me and I don't know why. My sister is back too, so the entire family is here, along with my friend who is staying with us.

It all seems more familiar. We got to my parents house and got settled, and then ate a typical meal for us. Meat, potatoes, some other veggies, a salad and dessert. We all sat around the table like we always do, and like we always did growing up. My friend, the Glamour Girl, looked at me during dinner and said 'do you do this all the time?' and I said 'yes', because this is how it was when we were growing up.

It seems so hard to fathom right now, because it has been 20 years since it's happened consistently, but yes.. this is how I was raised... and it was good. Not many people can say that, and I'm proud I am one of them.

The conversation centered around fun Christmas stories growing up, and some of our own eccentric behaviors, but it was all good fun and filled with laughter. The baseball game was on the tv in the background, life was good.

The Glamour Girl and I decided we would head off to meet up with one of our other high school friends who still lives in my hometown and I went outside to let my family know.

They had gone down to the pond behind my house to feed the fish... which is a bit of a ritual around here. While I was walking back up the hill to get in the car it hit me again.... it is really nice here. That's not something I say very often, but today it seemed more true than usual.

The cool humid air at dusk, the moist cool grass, and the lightning bugs were all around. All symbols of my childhood and all were back for me to reminisce.

Once we got to the bar and started catching up with our friend, the flood of memories came rushing back. We were reliving all of our crazy, and not so crazy antics. It was so much different than my reunion last year. I think this should be the reunion. You should just find your best girlfriends from that time and make a point to get together and hang out. That's what it's all about, not sitting around asking people you haven't seen in 20 years whether they got married, had kids, or what they do for a living.

Tonight was real.... and it was nice. When we got back home, there was one last reminder of the simple place, and simple time I come from... and it was directly above us. We looked up and there was a blanket of stars shining down upon us. Here, I swear, you can see all of them. There are no lights to distrort their beauty, just black night, and the twinkle from above. Absolutely stunning.

Day 312: Time to pack.. break out the wine!

Time to pack for another trip.

I feel like I've been gone most of the last month, but that's not the case.

As much as I like to travel, I do need to slow down and stay put for a while.

With packing of course comes wine. Surely I'm not the only one who does this right?

I could however have wine on the brain after my lunch today.

We went to our favorite wine cafe for my fellow producer's last day. It's the same place as my date with Starbucks guy a few days ago.

It's hard to go to a place like that for lunch, knowing you have to go back to work... especially when you have the next day off.

I toughed out and waited until I got home to pop the cork.

So here I sit, watching 'So You Think You Can Dance' seeing all these amazing dancers with such passion. It's like a constant reminder for me to find my passion again. I guess it never hurts to have a weekly reminder.

While I'm watching they introduced a performance from the original broadway cast of 'In The Heights'. I was instantly excited, because I saw the touring production a few months ago in Denver for work.

I know! Great job right?! I got to go to Denver to watch the production and interview the cast to preview their tour in my neck of the woods.

While I was watching I saw one of the guys I interviewed. It was so exciting to see him on national tv. I know it sounds weird. You'd think since I work in tv and meet famous people all the time, and hang out with people who are on tv, that I wouldn't get excited to see someone I met on tv. But I was. I can't explain it, because I certainly don't understand it myself.

I really don't get star-struck very easily. It pretty much has to be a sports personality for one of my beloved teams. I've met Charlton Heston for goodness sake! It was great to shake the man's hand, but I didn't even bat an eye. So why was I so excited to see Rogelio? I have absolutely no idea. Maybe because I feel like he's a regular person because I've met him unlike the mythical figures that seem larger than life on the big screen.

While I sit here and continue to procrastinate packing (like every trip) I am thinking about where I was a week ago... which was visiting my new friend Fargo before his trip.

I thought for sure I'd hear from him today, but I guess I'm not so irresistable after all. Maybe my gut is off? I really thought, and I guess I still do a little bit, that I'll hear from him again.

Even though I probably shouldn't remotely give him the time of day. If he hasn't had the inclination to even contact me in a week, he can't be that interested, so what's the point?

I suppose I should just tackle the boys at hand... Starbucks who is interested to a fault. Almost too much. He did back off a little from the 24 hours after out date, but I'm not interested and that means any contact is too much.

I need to let him know, but it's so hard. I suppose I could probably keep evading him for another week because of everything I have planned, but I don't think he's going to go away without me telling him I don't think we're right for each other. It's too bad, because he's such a nice guy.

Maybe I can set him up with someone.

Day 313: The 'm' word

Today at lunch I overheard someone say '8 years of marriage' and it made me uncomfortable.

I don't know why, they weren't talking to me, or about me, just a general random statement.

It's funny because just the other day I was saying to myself 'I need to settle down, becaues I can't take much more of my recent crazy antics.' But I don't know that I want to 'settle down'.

Even when I met Mr. Wonderful I wasn't set on marriage. After we started dating for a while, I certainly was, and I knew it was right. So I guess I'm back to square one again, and I think that scares me a little bit.

It makes me wonder if I really can find what we had again? Everyone says its possible and deep down I do believe it is, but I also wonder if I'm ready.

Not that I'm going to give up and stop trying because I don't know, but would I know it if I saw it. Or am I distracted by what I think is a possibility, like Fargo.

That's another thing. I started to realize today that we are in different places in our lives. As much as I don't have any idea who this guy is, because I've only known him a total of 72 hours, he is very career driven at this point. He's young and eager and wants to move up the corporate ladder.

I do like a guy with ambition and I think that's awesome! It's part of the reason I'm attracted to him. I, however am in a completely different place in my life. I'm perfectly content with my job, sure I would be happy to move into a senior producer role, but that's it. I do remember those days, and I remember being ready to do what it took to get me to the next level of my job.

I know that's not a deal breaker, but it could cause some problems down the road I would think. But I need to stop thinking about down the road before today has ended.

Unless its thinking about a party! I'm starting to plan my Christmas in July party and I'm getting pretty excited about it.

I have been talking about doing it for years, and now that I'm in the last year of my 30's I think it's about time to get on it.

This way, someday down the road when this becomes a tradition for me, I can say I've been doing it since I was in my 30's.

Back to the plan... I'm thinking I turn the air waaaay down, crank the holiday tunes (Jimmy Buffett Christmas Island seems appropriate), throw a yule log DVD in for effect and get the party started!

Now I just have to work on the food... Christmas cookies and beer doesn't seem to be that appealing.

Two weeks and counting.

Day 314: A new possibility?

Ugh... back to work today after a 3 day weekend.

Why is it always so hard to go back to work after a few days off? There was no use waxing philosophical about it, it had to be done regardless.

Once at work, I cheered up a little bit, after firming up my happy hour plans with the Coffee Fairy. It gave me something to look forward to.

While I was working I received an email from a guy I ran into at the 4th of July party over the weekend.

We have worked together for years, but had never hung-out, outside of work. Throughout the conversation, we all talked about going for margaritas as a group someday.

Then a little later, he came over and we started talking some more. He said 'your married right?' I replied 'no' of course. He responded with 'are you seeing someone?' again I replied 'no'. He said 'I don't know why I have that in my head.'

Probably because the few times I had seen him outside of work I think I was with Mr. Wonderful. Then he said 'well then, we're definitely need to get a margarita and get to know each other better.' I agreed.

On the drive home after our chat, Sunshine and I both thought he might be gay. Not exactly the best sign when your getting ready to go out with someone.

Back to this morning. As I was checking my email, I saw one from him. When I read it he asked if we could get together this week. Unfortunately I have a short week to get ready to head out of town again so it wasn't going to work.

I asked if I could get a raincheck and reschedule for next week. His reply was very sweet, and dare I say... adult?

It was very nice to hear 'I want to learn more about the woman behind the job.'

What a refreshing change from Fargo, although I'm still kind of hung up on the way he challenges me. Although I suppose the greater challenge may be getting him to contact me. I still haven't heard anything. You'd think if he was interested he'd be going crazy to talk to me and would want to at least text a 'hello'. But then again maybe I'm making too much out of it all.

I have also been thinking more about the first meeting with Fargo. He had my number and had already talked about going to a baseball game before we went to the second bar... so if I hadn't been trying to act 26 would the outcome have been different?

Would he have asked me out on a date like any ordinary guy? Don't get me wrong, I don't have any regrets about it, I just wonder if I had taken a different path, would the outcome be different? I do think whatever is going on, is salvagable, but I'm going to have to be the one to do it.

I need to take a look at the magnet on my fridge again 'I will not obsess! I will not obsess! I will not obsess!'

Of course I had to dissect all of it with the Coffee Fairy over a strawberry martini at the Cheesecake Factory. Those drinks are dangerously delicious. We're both a little obsessive, and have a tendency to analyze so it's great to have someone to help each other with that side of things.

She is also a tiny bit older than I am so she great at helping me keep my sanity when it comes to seeing through what I think is the craziness of being 39 and single. Evidently everything I'm going through is pretty common.

Well that's a relief... I think?

Day 315: Makeout magic

I'm still trying to catch up on my sleep from last weekend... and I thought today would be the answer.

Unfortunately I didn't get to bed until 3am.... again.... and I was up at 1030. I'm not complaining, no one drug me out and put a gun to my head, I had a great time, I am just starting to realize my age.

I could have slept all day long, but it wasn't going to happen.

I had to run errands, and take care of a few things before I head out of town again this weekend.

I went to check on my phone about an hour after I woke up and there was a text from Starbucks guy. Why is it the ones you want to text are never the ones who do?

I haven't heard from Fargo since he left on Friday, which is probably a red flag I should take into consideration. If he was really very interested I would have heard something.

I had a bit of an unspokesn deal with myself that if he didn't text on the 4th I would write him off, but of course I haven't done that. I am however, not going out of my way to contact him.

Not that the 4th has any special signifigance with us of course, but I think of it as a romantic holiday. That's because Mr. Wonderful and I would plan a picnic and watch the fireworks go off over our heads. There is also something symbolic about fireworks and the sparks of romance.

I know its a stretch and I shouldn't make that connection with a guy I barely know, but I also know myself and if I don't put some boundaries in place for myself, I'll end up dragging out whatever this is because of what I want it to be instead of what it is.

So far it is absolutely nothing more than a few G-rated booty calls, which is obviously not what I'm looking for.

I have to wonder how some women do it? They seem to have makeout magic. I have a few friends where something that started off as a makeout session ended in marriage, but that has never worked for me.

What starts as a makeout session for me always ends with a guy who just wants one thing, which I'm not interested in doing until I'm totally invested in the guy.

I know everyone is different and what works for one doesn't work for everyone, but its still a little baffling. It's one of the great mysteries of the universe.

Is there such a thing as great physical and mental chemistry all in one package?? I have to believe there is, I've felt it before, but can you find it again?

It took me 34 years to find it the first time, and I certainly don't have that kind of time right now.

Day 316: No fireworks on the 4th

This morning I was cozy in bed, sleeping like a baby, trying to make up for all the lost sleep from the last week.

For once I managed to remember to turn the alarm off, and I was hoping to recharge my batteries.

The phone rings... and I'm in one of those super groggy states where I don't really even know where I am.

I look at the number and it's not programmed into my phone. I decide it must be Starbucks guy. I knew I was going to sound sleepy but I put on my game face and answered. 'Hello' 'hi... good morning did I wake you?'

I was right, it was Starbucks, and he wanted to know if I had plans. I was planning on meeting up with Sunshine for a cocktail and to watch fireworks for the 4th but the middle part of my day was free so we decided to meet for lunch.

We headed down to a cute little wine cafe... one of my favorite places in town... and the perfect middle ground for both of us.

I had all morning to get ready, but in my true procrastination style, I decided to wait until the last minute.

I could have done a load of laundry, but I decided against it. Thank goodness I went shopping a few days ago and picked up a cute dress that would be perfect for the occassion.

The only problem was it had been in the shopping bag since then and it was wrinkled. Sure I could have dusted off the iron, but that wasn't going to happen. I couldn't tell you the last time I ironed something.

It was on to the second best option, Febreeze! Spray... and brush out the wrinkles... spray... brush out the wrinkles.... and on and on until the dress was wrinkle free. Unfortunately I was now high on the fumes from the spray, not to mention I was now going to smell like Febreeze when I went on the date.... not the most alluring of scents.

I have to say I was a bit nervous going on the date, partly because I had downed a small pot of coffee and hadn't had anything to eat.

I walked in sat down and the date began. We talked, enjoyed a few glasses of wine, and noshed.

The conversation was pretty good, as long as I was asking the questions. Don't get me wrong, he wasn't the guy who wasn't asking questions because he wanted to talk about himself, or because he wasn't interested in me... I think he was just really nervous and maybe out of practice.

I squeezed in some information about myself where I could, hoping something would spur him to action... and nothing.

At one point I stopped talking, thinking that might force him to ask me something or bring up another topic to talk about and you guessed it... nothing.

When we left we shared a hug and the obligatory 'I had fun, we should do this again'. You can't just tell someone as your leaving a date that you don't think its going to work out.

I mean you're going to have to be a pretty big jack-wad for me to do that to you. But is it any better to not say anything and then just blow them off? I don't know? I suppose I'd probably like the blow off version better, but I like to live in the land of denial.

It was back home and then off again to celebrate our nations birthday with Sunshine.

Hanging out with Sunshine sometimes gets me into trouble, and I was very much aware of that tonight.

I was driving and I didn't want to get caught, so I was being careful.

We bellied up to the bar and the bartender was smitten... 'what can I get you ladies?'. We both opted for beer, 'Miller Light & a Stella please'

A short time later the bartender turned around and looked at Sunshine and said 'you look like you want a shot!'

True to form, Sunshine said 'you know it's funny you say that, because I was thinking about a shot!' That's the thing with Sunshine, tequila shots always seem to come up when it's time to party and tonight was no different.

The bartender says, what would you like and starts asking to see what they still had left at the bar... then he turns around and looks into a cocktail mixer and says 'how about tequila and jameson?'

I adamemtly say 'no!' but Sunshine says, 'sure I'll try it!' The bartender decides to add some cola to it, to try to make a drink out of it, and he makes one for both of us.

I was leery, because I don't have a great track record with whiskey. The three times I've had it, I've broken 2 toes, and ended up sobbing on the couch because my college boyfriend got into a fight at a party... none of those options was looking very appealing to me.

She tasted first and said 'its not bad, I wouldn't drink it every day, but it reminds me of something my grandfather would drink.' I decided to take a sip and quickly decide that I'm out.

We both had a few more beers and Sunshine kept sipping on her Irish-Mexican cocktail, while we made friends with a few more people including the management.

The manager of the bar asked if we wanted shots, thankfully Sunshine didn't hear him.

Things winded down, and we decided to take off, we got in the car and I looked at the clock... 1:39.

I had escaped a crazy night with Sunshine (not that I mind them, just not when I'm driving), but not another late night, but it was all worth it.

Day 317: Red, White and Blue literrally

Today started like most of my Saturdays, with a massage.

After my relaxing rub down, I decided I would head over to a friends house for a BBQ and pool party. It was nice to get out of the house for a while.

The hostess asked everyone to bring a red white and blue food item. It didn't have to literally be red white and blue in color, it could be bleu cheese dip, you get the picture.

Since I'm not much of a cook I decided to head to the small boutiquey grocery store around the corner from my place. I went in and started looking around for blue tortilla chips, and salsa... ok I was doing well, now all I needed was something white.

I decided to track down one of the workers and see if they could help me. One guy took me to the cheese aisle because it was 'white', then he called over another guy who proceeded to tell me 'mozzarella is the whitest cheese we have... oh here's one but its from Italy.'

I decided these guys just didn't get it... they were even starting to confuse me! No we weren't boycotting other countries for the 4th, but I let it go because the guy found mozzarella from California.

Then they suggested I make a caprese salad. I wasn't planning on making anything for a couple of reasons, 1... I didn't have a lot of time... and 2... I was still exhausted from my week. But I took the bait.

I decided since the cheese was presliced and all I had to do was cut some tomatoes and add basil I could probably handle it.

So I took off and started looking for basil. Much to my dismay they didn't have any fresh small bundles, only basil plants. I didn't need a basil plant... I kill plants!

Not to mention I don't cook, so I certainly don't need an 18-inch tall basil plant in my house. But I also didn't want to stop at another store and put myself even further behind... so I took the bait.

So now I have a giant basil plant in my kitchen, that I'm going to have to try to keep alive so I don't use it.... makes all the sense in the world.

I suppose I could try to find recipes that include basil and try to cook them but that seems like a lot of work.

I think the bigger thing to take away from the day outside of the soon to be dead basil plant... is that men are very literal. Wow, and I thought I was bad... sometimes I have a hard time missing the signs.

Which could be happening with Fargo. I talked to Sunshine today and she gave me some advice her brother passed along to her years ago. 'If he tries to get grabby he's only after one thing.' Words she says have held true her entire life... so I guess it could be right.

Deep down I know that, and deep down I know this guy is trouble, but I still like him. I suppose it could be my inner bobcat talking, because I'm pretty sure he's close to a decade younger than me. I also think it's our chemistry. I really like his sense of humor, which I've mentioned before, I'm also pretty infatuted with the bad boy thing he's got going on.

We'll just have to wait and see what happens. Some of the signs seem to be similar to the 26 year old.

Day 318: Ahhhh... Time to finally relax

I woke up today earlier than usual knowing I was taking Fargo to the airport.

I quickly fed the kitties, and jumped in the shower. I really wished I had more time to get ready and make myself presentable, but after this week it just wasn't going to happen.

I hopped in my car and drove down to his place, picked him up and we were on our way.

On the drive to the airport I realized I didn't give him a kiss when I saw him this morning.

Not such an usual thing, because we're not boyfriend/girlfriend, but in some weird way I think he thinks we are? Or maybe this is just what dating is like now... or maybe its just what dating a younger man is like.

Either way I hoped he didn't think I was upset with him, because I certainly wasn't, I was just completely exhausted.

We pull into the airport and before he grabs his luggage he leaned over and gave me a kiss.

I have to admit it was nice, but again kind of strange from the guy I've known for such a short time.

And hey, as I sit here and think about it and actually do the math, tonight is 72 hours so last night when he said it was 72 hours he was wrong.

Hmmmm.... math has never been my strong suit.... but his comment still makes me laugh a little bit.

I had a few errands to run after dropping him off, and one of them was making sure I had plenty of caffeine to help me get through the day.

So of course I stopped at Starbucks for a venti... anything.

As I was walking out, I ran into none other than Starbucks guy!

I thought for sure he was avoiding me because his ego was hurt after I ran off without giving him my number.

I guess not... because after we exchanged the usual pleasantries, he said 'hey can I get your number?'

I quickly replied 'yes! of course!' He said he would give me a quick call so I would have his number but I still haven't gotten that call, so I hope he got the number right when he typed it into his phone.

I felt like such a floosie! I just dropped off a guy I barely know at the airport and gave him a kiss like we had been dating for months, and now I was giving my number to another guy.

I know that's not a logical thought process, but I'm not usually the girl who is dating more than one person at a time, so it's a little out of my realm of comprehension I guess.

The Coffee Fairy had been anxiously waiting to see how my night/morning went. Of course I filled her in on all the details, and then she said.... 'you know what? The same thing happened to me 2 years ago!'

I said 'you were the same age right? 39?' and she said 'yes! I was!'

So now I fully believe there is something magical about being 39. I'm really getting the hang of really 'living'.... at least this week.