Day 198: Halloween

It's Halloween.... the day when the ghosts and goblins come out to play, and grab a little candy.

This is my second Halloween in my house. I've always loved the holiday, there's just something about dressing up that makes me feel like a kid again.

I always avoided handing out the candy until I met Mr. Wonderful.

He loved doing it, but thought dressing up was a bit silly for adults, so every time I dressed up he thought I was a bit crazy... but he dealt with it.

I think he just really enjoyed seeing the little kiddos and I loved seeing his paternal instincts kick in.

Because of him, I now tend to think of handing out the candy as a bit of a couple's activity.

Last year I had a good time with my candy responsibilities by myself. I did reminisce a bit about doing it as a couple I was ok on my own, but I remember thinking hopefully next year I would be doing this with someone special in my life.... yet here I sit alone, just me, a glass of wine, and my 2 cats.

To top it all off, it was way past dark and I still didn't have a trick or treater, so to top it all off I was feeling rejected too!

I wasn't quite sure what was going on. There was the first of it's kind block party down the road, but I decided not to go.

I just hate going to family events by myself. There's either no one for me to talk to, or I end up getting stuck with one person all night long and I can't get away. Not to mention it didn't seem to be the most organized of events and so I held off.

I also hate the questions 'do you have kids? are you married?' I know they are logical questions, but I'm really just over it all. Why are those the things people always ask about?

It's like you aren't a real adult unless you've experienced them. You can't just be a well adjusted adult who decided it wasn't the right time or the right person or had some unusual circumstance that prevented it.

I seriously think it's better to be a baby mama than it is to be a single woman who's never been married and has no children in todays world.

Maybe next year when I'm 40 I'll give it a whirl if I'm feeling I won't be ridiculed for my single status, or perhaps I won't be single... either way I'm guessing by the lack of trick or treaters the inaugural event was a big hit.

By 7 when I'd handed out 1 piece of candy and downed 1 glass of wine, I was starting to think maybe I should have gone to the party... solo or not.

But the regret wasn't enough to get my butt off the couch, so I waited it out.

Then the floodgates opened and the kids came out in droves.

By 830 it was all over and I was left with a half bottle of wine, and an extra bag of candy.

But I had survived another Halloween on my own.... and I guess it wasn't half bad.

Day 199: Peter Pan goes for sushi

Early this afternoon I got a call from the Encourager.

She was meeting a small group of friends for sushi then heading to a work Halloween party. She invited me to come along.

At first thought I was going to stay home. She didn't give me much notice, about an hour and a half to be exact, and once I hit a certain point in the night if I'm home... I'm home.

But the more I thought about it, the more I decided I needed to go. I was just complaining about doing nothing or having everything all at once. And I had been at home all day cleaning, and just keeping to myself.

I was in, then it was time to figure out a plan.

What was I going to wear? I wasn't going to the party so there was no need for a costume... or was there?

The more I thought about it, wearing a costume would mean I wouldn't have to worry as much about all the things that usually bog me down and make me late.... finding a cute outfit... getting the hair and makeup right... it's exhausting.

I might as well take advantage of the situation and find a costume.

Ok, done... time to go into the vault and see which one to wear.

I love Halloween so I always have a few costumes sitting in the closet.... just in case. Today was one of those days.

I pulled out the Peter Pan costume, complete with a tiny Tinkerbell on the shoulder. I haven't worn that one in a while.

Tights... good... it's got a hat.... I won't have to worry about the hair... good. As long as it still fits we have a winner!

I gave it a quick try and I was in luck. Although it is a bit shorter than I remember, it still works, but thank goodness there were tights.

I hopped in the shower, did a quick retouch on the makeup because Peter is a boy so no need to go crazy there, pulled the hair back and voila! I was ready for a night out on the town.

I knew there was a reason I loved Halloween! Outside of being able to be someone else for a day, you have a ready made outfit which is pretty cool too.

The Encourager can run late from time to time, so I sent her a quick text. 'Please I beg of you, let me know if your'e running late'

I pictured myself sitting in the lobby of a nice restaurant, the only one in costume, waiting for the rest of the group to get there, while the all of the customers stared at me like a caged animal.

She said she would text me when she was leaving so I felt better.

Ends up we both arrived at the same time, and I was pleasantly surprised the employees at the restaurant were dressed up too!

What a fun night! At one point during dinner the Encourager looked at me and said 'you're so cute! you have a sparkle in your eye, you really love this don't you?'

She's right., especially the Peter Pan costume. It was my favorite story growing up and it still makes me happy. Not to mention it's terribly appropriate since I feel the need to hold on to my youth for eternity.

Another point in the evening I turned Tink's head toward the conversation at the other end of the table. When the Encourager noticed she laughed hysterically.

Having Tink on my shoulder like a guardian angel or a tiny companion. I know I sound like a weirdo but when I'm wearing the costume I do feel like I need to acknowledge her in some regard, and include her because that's what Peter would do. hee hee

After a few rounds of pictures, we were walking to our cars and the Encourager was beside herself with happiness. The entire evening was a bit of an afterthought but it all worked out.

She called me last minute and I still made it out in costume, one of the other girls had just returned from a week in Ireland the day before and she made it, the 2 other girls happened to be free and were able to come too. Sometimes the best plans are the ones that aren't planned at all.

On the way home I was turning a corner and the bells under Tink's dress made a noise, I was reminded I wasn't alone.

It also took me back a few years to an encounter I had with a tarot card reader, who told me I would know the next person is the right one 'it would be like Tinkerbell' she said.

I must have had a strange look on my face, because she went on to further explain herself, 'he may be wearing something with Tinkerbell on it, or maybe he likes Tinkerbell' at that point, I tuned out and discounted the experience.

I'm pretty sure I'm not even going to look twice at a guy wearing a Tinkerbell t-shirt, and if for some reason he waited to break it out until I knew him better, I think it may just be a deal breaker.

I laughed to myself thinking about that experience, yet also thought somehow Tinkerbell may have something to do wit it somehow, just not in the way she was thinking.

Day 200: It's Friday!!!

Today was a bizarre day. The portions of the show I expected to be shorter than I had them planned for went long... and the ones I thought would go long also went long.

You don't have to be a math genius to figure out that spells trouble.

I had so much work to do today I could hardly stand it. As soon as the show was over it was time to hit the keyboard again.

My new favorite thing at work is Applebees Carside to Go. Since the deli across the street closed we've had to find other ways to get a quick meal.

A few weeks ago I called in an order, and 15 minutes later I drove there to pick it up.

This may become my new Friday ritual. I decided it was a great option today for 2 reasons... 1) I was starvin' marvin and needed a lot of food to tide me over and 2) it was a beautiful day which means I could put the top down on the drive to the restaurant.

Sold! I called in my order for Cheeseburger sliders and they did not disappoint, and neither did the short drive there.

I am always amazed at how the smallest of things can make the biggest impact on my day. Simply getting out of the office for 15 minutes and putting the top down does amazing things for my attitude.

Not to mention the Cheeseburger sliders were delicious! I was full, but I couldn't stop eating them. I ended up gorging myself. I was fuller than I've been in a really long time.

Once back at work I was ready to finish up my show, and help with another show in our department. I was revitalized by the fresh air, sunshine and delicious food.

Looking at this from an outside point of view I have to say if this is what I'm getting excited about I really need to get out more.

But getting out more will have to wait for a while at least. I've had an exhausting week and I need to relax and that is exactly what's on the agenda for tonight.

Next week is going to be really busy too, and I'll need to be well rested to get through it all. Getting old and being responsible sucks. Ten years ago I would have just said I'll worry about it when the time comes... not even thinking about the days ahead let alone planning for them.

There has got to be a healthy balance of work, play, rest and home life. I just don't know how to get it. Either I'm at home way too much in the week and I feel like I'm leading a boring life, or I'm away too much and I feel overwhelmed.

Eh.. thinking about it too much makes me tired so I'm going to relax and do what I want when I want and if it works out that I'm boring so be it.

Day 201: Two worlds collide

Today my two worlds collided, my work world and my personal world.

When I first met the wine guy I told him I would give him a tour of the station, and he took me up on the offer.

As the day arrived and the time grew closer, I grew increasingly nervous. Mr. Wonderful never even made it past the parking garage at my work, and a few very small work gatherings. I think I tried to protect him as best I could. We're kind of a bunch of circus freaks.

But I decided to offer up the tour anyway, because somewhere along the way someone suggested I have the boys I'm dating see me 'in action' at work.

They said I should do that because most people would consider my job impressive. I suppose I can see that side of things, but to me it's just the job I love to do.

I told the Coffee Fairy he was coming and to let me know when he arrived.

I don't know why I thought it would be a good idea to merge my two worlds. It stresses me out and then I get super nervous. Sharing a piece of my life should not be this hard or cause so much anxiety!

I just hate that people may be judging me or talking about me, but I did hear once that you're full of yourself if you think people are thinking about you that much. But I don't think the person who coined that phrase ever worked at a tv station!

After the show I took him into the studio for a quick tour. He was running around like a kid in a candy store, jumping behind the sets, and envisioning funny on air scenarios.

Giggles was laughing at everything (because that's pretty much what she does) but it was funny. The more she laughed the more he goofed off.

At that moment I kept thinking of my favorite phrase from my mother 'if you think they every grow up you're sadly mistaken.'

Yes, mother dear... you are right once again.

We went to lunch and on the way back to work I checked my phone. I had a message from work, and one from the Cowboy, asking me out for Saturday.

I didn't quite know what to do. He's such a nice guy, and young. He needs a nice girl. I need to find a way to let him down easy, but I couldn't quite find the right words.

When I returned to work Giggles was there to interrogate me. 'So do you have something going on with that guy? Is he more than your friend?'

'You sound like my mom!' I said. I guess I should have thought that statement through before saying it. Never tell a 25 year old girl she sounds like your 76 year old mother.

I filled her in on a few details, enough to appease her, and we continued our afternoon.

Later that day my director said 'what's going on with you? the cowboy yesterday, the wine guy today, your doing a lot of dating'

Thanks for bringing it to my attention. I do feel like I'm doing a lot of dating and it's a bit much juggling for me.

I can't go from 0 to 60 in 3 seconds.... I need to ease into this new world. So now all I have to do is find a good way to let the Cowboy down in 160 characters or less... (sigh)

Day 202: Putting on my big girl panties

I started to get nervous today when I thought about going to lunch with the Cowboy.

He's a perfectly nice guy, but I'm just not interested.

About 15 minutes before he was going to pick me up I got an alert on my computer, I had a safety committee meeting today.

Crap! The head of the committee always has a way of hunting me down and making me go to the meetings. He doesn't do it to anyone else... just me.

So I told my director what was going on and she told me I needed to bail. Great plan... but how was I going to do it?

The meeting was in a conference room very close to my desk.

I grabbed my purse and hugged the wall into I made it into the newsroom.... ahhh I was safe... but in order to get to another 'safe' part of the building I had to figure out another escape.

I walked to the opening which faced the lobby and coincidently was on the other side of the conference room. I thought I could wait it out there, but it was too obvious.

I saw the Coffee Fairy was sitting there so I sent her a text 'I'm right behind you I'm trying to avoid the safety comm mtg'

She turned around and laughed.

Like a super spy I saw another escape route. I darted through the studio past the green room and up the back way to the front entrance... whoo hoo I was safe!!!

When I got to the front entrance I waited for a while and then I realized the window to the conference room where the meeting was being held faced the front parking lot.... right where the Cowboy was going to pick me up.

From that point on, my heart skipped a beat with every movement.

One of the reporters came out the front door and I jumped back up against the wall, false alarm.

Then I heard footsteps down the hall. I thought it was the host, then I realized it was the sports producer.

He seemed a bit confused, so I filled him in that I was hiding from the safety committee meeting and he seemed to understand.

Before long the Cowboy called and I told him to pull forward to the handicapped spaces so I could escape undetected.

He obliged and we were off. Lunch was nice, but my heart wasn't in it. He's a nice guy but I'm just not feeling it.

Maybe he's too nice, maybe I'm not capable of 'playing the field' and dating more than one guy at once. It's possible he's too young... I did get that vibe.

He dropped me off and I was pretty happy he was driving a mini-van and there was a wide gap between the seats, not to mention he was late getting back to work so I said 'thank you' and jumped out of the car and headed back into work.

On my way home I thought about the call I was going to get from the setup guy and I couldn't bear it.

I started to think it would be a good idea to do a pre-emptive strike and tell him I couldn't go out with him because my heart wasn't in it.

But I didn't want to do it over the phone, I just couldn't have that conversation.

Normally I would have called and gained a consensus of my friends, but this time I just did it.

I put on my big girl panties and I typed him a quick message and laid it out there. I said it wasn't fair for me to go out with him when my heart wasn't in it... and that was that.

He was thankful I let him know and said if anything changes to let him know. Oh and he passed on a little 'good luck... but not really (just kidding)' back which made me laugh.

Now that I had given him the message all I had to do was call the BFF and let her know what happened, so she could be fully armed in case it got out of hand (which I sincerely doubted would happen).

But on the off chance the setup guy called her boyfriend and said 'what the heck?? she is dating someone? why didn't you tell me?' I wanted her to be prepared.

I was pleasantly surprised by her reaction. It could have gone 2 ways... very proud for being an adult and addressing a situation... or really by text message?? what were you thinking??

She was like a proud mother... 'I'm so proud of you! You're growing up! How old are you?' I had to laugh out loud because I know just how juvenile I can be.

All in all it was a relief to not have to think and stress about it.

Now all I have to do is let the Cowboy down easy.

Day 203: Ready for what's in store

The best thing about a long day is the quiet night at home that follows.

Today is Sunshine's last day before a week vacation, and my boss has to go to an out of town work conference next week leaving me all alone.

To top it all off, the news department needs some extra help for elections so I may have to jump in there too.

I'm exhausted and frustrated before any of it happens.

I know I shouldn't worry about impending doom but on some level if I don't I could get blindsided and that could be even worse.

I was running around all day and didn't have time to think, and I'm so exhausted now I can hardly keep my eyes open.

When I got home I was hungry but I didn't want to cook, so I loaded up on Pirate's Booty and crackers and dip while I cooked dinner.

Not a good idea. There is certainly something to the saying don't fill up on snacks or you'll ruin your dinner, because as I'm sitting here I'm so full I think my belly is going to burst.

Now that's a genius plan that went down the drain quickly.

I have no idea what got into me... outside of the Pirate's Booty that is.

As I'm sitting here watching Brother's and Sisters I am noticing several messages.

Kitty lost her husband and is dating again. She ends up with a guy who is totally not her type and her brother calls her out on it.

It struck a chord with me, because it reminded me of when I jumped back into the dating world and started my trip to Bobcat-ville about a year ago with the kindergartner.

I haven't thought about him in months, and then this past weekend I was adding something to my calendar and there it was staring at me like a neon sign.... his birthday.

I have no idea how it got in there. I think it links to a BlackBerry somehow, because we certainly didn't date long enough for me to remember it.

Even though it wasn't more than just a few dates I am glad I did it, I had to test the waters, and I suppose there is no better way to do it than with a 26 year old where you know it's not going to go anywhere.

After her brother called Kitty out on the guy not being her type he followed it up with 'It's ok, I'm just happy you're jumping back into it.'

And I am too, as much as I think about the life I could have had with Mr. Wonderful it's time to put it aside, which I have done.

Later in the show Kitty's mother quoted Joseph Campbell saying 'you have to give up the life you've planned to find the life that's waiting for you'.

That's exactly what I'm doing. I have no idea what is in store for me but I'm ready for it... I think.

Day 204:The lack of communication age

To put it bluntly... Monday's usually suck, but today was different.

Perhaps it was from the lack of sleep or because I was in a good mood from my date last night, but for some reason I was in a very calm and serene mood instead of my usual 'I need a vacation mood'.

These days don't come around very often so I decided to go with it... no questions asked.

Work was a well organized 3 ring circus of chaos, but it was good. It was a well orchestrated plan that I didn't have to do very much to coordinate, because Sunshine took charge of everything.

That's a good thing, because the day after tomorrow she's leaving on vacation and I'm on my own for week and I can use the calm before the storm.

On my way back to the station from lunch the phone rang... it was the Cowboy from the bar over the weekend, so I decided to pick up.

I have to say it was a pretty lopsided conversation. He wasn't doing very much talking, and I had to pick up the slack to avoid any long... uncomfortable silences.

I get that texting is the way of the world, but come on people... you have to talk to get through life!! It should not be this hard!

Am I that intimidating?? Surely not? I'm just a small town girl from the midwest and some of these guys can't even form a sentence without typing it into a phone.

Surely I'm not the only woman in the world who has noticed this trend. I don't need a phone call all the time, but if you are going to call, don't freeze up. Have a list of questions to ask... something... anything... I beg you!!!

He seemed to calm down a bit after I kept talking to avoid the awkward silence(s)... and eventually asked if I wanted to go to lunch someday this week.

I agreed... mostly because lunch has a specific time frame and I know there will be an eventual escape.

Although if I have to do all the talking I could starve to death, and I have to say that's not exactly the way I want to go.

'Oh she died of starvation on a horribly painful date where she had to continue talking to keep the conversation alive'

Too bad we can't have a cocktail, that always seems to ease the tension a bit.

I am starting to feel a bit out of control right now. I really don't think I have ever dated this much in my life!

I don't know why I feel the need to be this crazy in the dating world, all I can say is it must be my age and the looming threat of 40 that is fast approaching.

When I mentioned all of this to the Coffee Fairy today, she said 'you should try to go on a date every day next month!'

I quickly shut her down on that point. There is no way I have the energy to do that, but I like her spunk and enthusiasm. Ten years ago I may have been up for the challenge but not these days.

Day 205: A comfortable Sunday

I woke up a woman on a mission.

I had to get an iced coffee from a specific restaurant in town.

I had been craving it since last night when the BFF mentioned she and her boyfriend may go grab one.

I fed and medicated the cats and took off.

It was a beautiful morning so I put the top down on the car and took my time.

This particular restaurant has 2 locations, so I of course headed to the closer of the two.

I had never been to this location so I pulled into the shopping center and tracked it down, but when I walked up to the door it was locked and it was dark inside.

Immediately my heart sank just a little bit. Did I want to drive all the way to the other location when there was a Starbucks a stones throw away?

I decided it was worth the trek... I was worth the trek. It was a beautiful day why wouldn't I take advantage of it?

Once I had my coffee I headed home to relax a bit before my side project with a few chefs I know.

Then the phone rang, it was the guy the BFF's boyfriend tried to set me up with a month ago. I hadn't heard from him in a while and I have to say I was ok with it.

I'm not really attracted to him, and I certainly don't want to get myself into a sticky situation where I will cause a conflict with him or my friends.

But he is a nice guy, and I suppose you never know what will develop. On the other side of the coin, at my age, I'm pretty secure in knowing what I like and what I don't like so why waste my precious time on someone I just don't think I'll ever be interested in?

it's not like I'm 20 anymore and I can get away with dating someone for a month or two just because, not that I've ever been that girl. I'm in or I'm out, I'm not a serial dater.

We agreed to catch up in the middle of the week and see if we could work something out to get together, and then I was off to my chef podcast pet project, which turned out to be a bit of a disaster.

The interview wasn't great, the chef kept getting in the way of all the shots and the recipe turned out to be a flop that needed to be remade. I kept thinking to myself 'we'll fix it in post'... oh I hope I can fix it in post.

How do 5 pastries turn into 15 in the oven?? Only time will tell how that one will work out in the editing process.

But despite all the drama of the podcast today, I have something to look forward to.... I get to see the wine guy again tonight.

We decided to head to the ever appropriate 'The Social Network' movie.

We got there a little early so we headed to a nearby restaurant to 'slam' a beer.

After the movie... gelato... mmmm...more conversation.... and more kissing in the parking lot by the car.

It was a comfortable date and that's good.

I have to say it's kind of nice to be taking things slow, and not feel pressured to jump into anything too serious so quickly which seems to be the way the world works these days.

I think that's the part I hate the most. How can you know in a matter of a few dates if this is someone you want to date seriously? It's not that simple... at least for me it's not.

We all know date #4 is the big one, in fact I found out recently it's now date #3. A sign of the times I suppose, but how can that be? Call me old fashioned, that's just way to soon for me.

I'm perfectly fine on the slow road to where ever... I'm not one to make hasty decisions with anything and I suppose relationships are no different.

So dating I will do as long as I'm comfortable doing it. I think Yoda said that? ha ha

Day 206: A flood of mixed emotions

My friends put with a lot from me, including, but not limited to my sports fanaticism.

Today I had some good quality girl time planned with the BFF, nothing extravagant, we were grabbing a bite to eat and then going shopping.

It also happened to coincide with a pretty big football game I needed to watch.

What's a girl to do?

I convinced the BFF to go to a restaurant where I knew there was a really good chance they would have the game on.

It worked for about half the game. Toward the end of the 3rd quarter she was done, and said 'this is a good time to go, come on'

She was right. I could have sat there until it was over, but I had put her through enough for one night.

We hopped up and went shopping. We both found a few bargains before closing the store and heading home.

As soon as I got in the door I flipped on the tv and started watching the final quarter of the game (which I recorded).

The game was tight, it was neck and neck the whole way with my team leading.

Then my team made a few fantastic plays taking advantage of some missteps by the other team and we scored twice in a row, pulling out in front.

It looked like we were going to win... beating a number one team. Could this really be happening?? My little underdog was about ready to upset the top seed in the country??

Yes!! I was jumping up and down, and yelling, the cats were scurrying like cockroaches in the light because of the abnormally loud noises.

I was so ecstatic I couldn't contain myself!

My gut reaction from my extreme happiness was to call someone that would understand so I could share that joy with them and then it hit me like a ton of bricks... and I immediately started to tear up.

The person I wanted to call was Mr. Wonderful. He would have been so happy to see me that happy, and I can't call him. Why did he have to leave this world so early? Why didn't get have more time together?

It will never make sense to me, just like the extreme highs and lows that seem to come upon me without notice will never make sense to me.

It has been almost 2 1/2 years, why is this still happening? Especially now when I feel like things are going my way.

I know you never lose that sense of loss and I've heard from several people you never know when it is going to sneak up on you and I guess they were right.

Of all the things that could bring me to tears with what has happened, I can't believe this is what did it. Not a friend having a baby, or getting married, it was a football game.

Wow, if this is what happens with a football game how will I ever know when it will hit?

And how will the next guy feel about it if it happens when he's around? It's not exactly an easy thing to deal with from their perspective. Why is she crying over a guy who hasn't been in her life for years? You can't explain it to someone unless they've been through it.

I know these are the things that build character, but it's tough for sure. About the time you think you're over it, you realize you're not and you may never be.

Maybe it won't happen when I'm with someone long term, but how will I know until that time comes? Until then, I suppose I better add one more thing to my criteria... understanding.

Day 207: A pirate and a cowboy walk into a bar

The older I get the more amazed I am by the ability of kids today to believe they can change the world.

I was in charge of interviewing intern candidates, as I talked to each one I realized they each had this exuberance about them. They were so excited to learn anything and everything about the tv business.

I remember being there, wanting to be a sponge and soak up all the world had to offer. After spending a few years getting beat up in the business I lost that feeling.

Although after talking to these kids, it was starting to come back to me.

Their energy was contagious! It made me want to rethink my life and how I approach pretty much everything.

I need to go at whatever it is I am doing with no holds barred. We'll see how long that lasts.

After work, it was off to happy hour with Mr. Wonderful's mom. We met at a Mexican place for margaritas very close to our favorite 'hole in the wall'.

Anytime we get close to the 'hole in the wall' we end up stopping by for a few minutes or a cocktail whichever comes first, and tonight was no different.

After a few margaritas, quesadilla, and guacamole our bellies were full and we set out to our favorite place.

It was crowded but thanks to the kindness of a stranger, we were able to get a few seats.

A guy in a cowboy hat got up and showed us to a few seats in the corner and allowed us to get past him to sit there.

Once we sat down I noticed a guy wearing an eye patch standing at the bar directly behind the cowboy. I couldn't help but laugh a little to myself as I heard the joke starting to form in my head... 'a cowboy and a pirate walk into a bar'.... ha ha. I didn't know what the punchline was, maybe there doesn't have to be one.

The cowboy offered to buy us a drink since he blocked us into a corner. It was a nice gesture, but he actually did us a favor getting us seats, so it didn't make much sense to me, but who were we to complain about a free drink.

We decided on a beer and kicked back to listen to the live music.

Mr. Wonderful's mom started in, 'he's kind of cute right?' 'I wonder what's going on underneath that cowboy hat? Do you think he has bad hair or he's bald?' 'you should chat with him'

She is relentless sometimes, but she pushes me a little outside my comfort zone and for that I am thankful.

So we chatted up the cowboy, and before too long he asked me to dance.

With the exuberance of youth in the back of my mind, I agreed even though I was wearing a pair of 4 1/2 inch platform stiletto's. 'Only if you're gentle with me, I could break my ankle in these shoes'.

He agreed and off we went, swing dancing to an Elvis song I think. I made it through unscathed and we went back to the table to chat a little bit more.

I found out he's a midwestern boy who has been out here for 11 years. He came out for school. I'm no math genius but I'm getting pretty good with these calculations this past year and my guess is he's about 29 years old.

I suppose I shouldn't complain about guys 10 years younger than me trying to pick me up but it is a little frustrating.

Before too long the band took a break and my eyelids started to get heavy. It was 9 p.m. (boy does that sound lame) and I was tired. It has been a long week and I needed to get home.

As we were getting up to take off, the cowboy gave us each a rose that he bought from a roaming flower salesperson that makes their way in and out of bars all night long.

I always ignore those guys, and so do the people I am with, but it was a nice gesture from the cowboy for several reasons. He was helping out the poor guy who works really hard for his money, and that he thought to give us a flower.

Then he asked for my number. Since I am all about living to the fullest I gave it to him.

I called the BFF on the way home to firm up our plans for tomorrow and told her about the events of the evening including my calculations on his age. She said 'he could be 30'

To which I replied '29, 30 does it really matter?'

She quickly retorted with 'well at least it doesn't start with a 2'

sigh

Day 208: Out again

I'm on a roll, I've been out for 3 nights in a row and I have to say it is really starting to wear on me.

It was a little tough getting to the event tonight, but I made it. Sunshine and I RSVP'd and if I wasn't going she wasn't going and vice versa.

Both of us decided it wasn't good to RSVP and not go so we put a little pep in our step and got moving, and we were glad we did.

It was a reception held by local resorts for media people, there were small plates of some of the most fabulous food I've ever eaten, and free drinks. You can't go wrong with fabulous food and drinks.

On the way there I was reminded how annoyed I get by big vehicles driving during what is our bad weather. Why is it the ginormous trucks and SUV's go the slowest over speed bumps and puddles?

That's what was happening tonight. I was behind a big truck that was gingerly going over each speed bump, like a surgeon meticulously making an incision. Seriously? All I want to do is get in and get out, and I'm behind Mr. Putt Putt to the Pizza Hut.

It also happened to be raining, which reminded me of the way these vehicles do the same thing when it rains and it's absolutely maddening! Isn't that why you have the SUV?

We finally made it there, despite Mr. Fancy Pants in his big truck, a little later than we would have been otherwise but there nonetheless.

When we walked in we immediately found some old friends and then we were on our way, scallops, lamb lollipops, venison, strawberry caviar, and I could go on and on and I pretty much did. Eating my way through the entire event.

What started as a quick lets stop by for a few minutes... turned into a 3 hour event. Way to stick to our guns.

Media people are a rare breed. Everyone was running around like they'd never eaten before, loading up their plates like gluttonous vultures.

'Yes I'd love to have 14 of those fabulous steak tacos.... do you have a to go container?'

'How about a case of red wine and 12 Stella Artois and can you get someone to carry it out to my car?'

Ok so that was a bit of an exaggeration but I'm so super sensitive to my people being ungrateful and overbearing, that's sometimes how it plays out in my head.

All of us should be so thankful to be afforded all of the privileges we receive all too often, and for the most part everyone is... its just those few bad apples that ruin it for the rest of us.

Throughout the evening I ran into a gal I used to work with who is a few years older than me, and she showed me her keys... because she just bought a Porsche!

She said she wasn't sure if it was a mid-life crisis or just feeling free after her divorce... funny because I was just looking at cars and thinking the same thing the other day. They weren't Porsche's but that's just fine with me.

Everyone eventually went on their way and on the way home I got a message from the wine guy asking if I was free this weekend.

I have a few things to do, but I want to see him since our dinner Tuesday turned into a bit of a debacle, so I agreed with the caveat that it will have to fit in between my other activities. Thankfully his schedule is flexible so I think it will actually work.

Day 209: Oh the predicaments

As I was getting ready for work I heard my phone go off.

I immediately thought it was someone from work, because the timing was right on the money.

I was really, really trying to get to work on time today so I didn't immediately go look at it. I figured I would look at it on my way into work.

But of course like a kid on Christmas I couldn't wait so I ran out into the living room while I was brushing my teeth to see who it was.

It was the wine guy saying 'good morning'. It's funny how something so small can brighten your day.

When I got into work today Sunshine asked about dinner last night, so I filled her in on all of the either natural or manufactured awkwardness.

It's how you look at things and react to them that makes the difference, but what's done is done. I was awkward because it felt awkward to me and that's that. There's no going back there's no changing it.

Adding to it all, late afternoon I received an email from the PR gal from last night.

During the dinner I had asked who some of her other clients were, in hopes of keeping the conversation alive.

Since my relationship with her is strictly professional that's the route I took.

She mentioned a few clients that piqued my interest and today she sent me an email to see if we could get them on the show.

It's all perfectly logical.

The email read, 'what a nice surprise to see you at the dinner last night. I hope you had a nice time.'

Ok, there is nothing wrong with the words, but in my head all I can think about is her seeing us kissing by the car in the parking lot.

Yeah, sure I had a nice time.... but then again I guess you probably already know that don't you? Ugh!

Then there's my response back... 'yes thank you. It was nice to see you too. I had a good time.'

Well, of course I did, I'm pretty sure she knows that after her trip to her car.

How in the world do I get myself into these predicaments?

Maybe they're only predicaments because I make them that way. I should just own the fact that I was kissing in the parking lot. There's absolutely nothing wrong with it. It's not illegal. Hey some people probably wish they could go back 20 years and return to high school and do those kinds of things!

So that's it. That's where I stand with it. I'm down with it and I don't care. It happened and that's all there is to it. Easy to say because I know the worst is over at this point.

What's funny is the place where I get awkward is when work and personal collide, but I should take a work approach to my personal life and be confident and not worry about everything else.

If only it were all that easy.

As much as I'd like to think as you get older you stop thinking about those things (because that's what I've been told) I also believe a lot of it is ingrained in you to a certain extent.

I guess one thing is for sure, I am living it up in the last months in my 30's.

Day 210: The work dating blend

About mid-afternoon today I started to get a nervous feeling in my stomach.

It was because I was meeting the wine guy for a specific wine dinner.

I was a little confused because I hadn't really been nervous up until this point, so I wasn't sure what was going on.

Did something change with what I was feeling? Was it my intuition trying to tell me something? Only time would tell.

I walked into the restaurant and took a quick look around the bar, not knowing exactly where the dinner was taking place.

After explaining to the hostess what I was there for, they escorted me back to a small room.

I walked in, but the lighting was dim and I couldn't see very well. Add to it my nerves, and my fight or flight kicked in, and rather than be embarrassed in the wrong room I was ready to take off!

But I didn't because I saw a guy that kind of looked like him but he was sitting with a woman so I was thrown off my game a bit, my eyesight isn't the greatest either so add all of it into the equation and I was pretty much screwed.

Then he got up and I realized it was him so I walked over.

Turns out the woman he was sitting with is the public relations person for the restaurant which I have worked with on occasion in the past.

She didn't recognize me off the bat, but I knew who she was so I refreshed her memory.

I have to say the dinner was a bit awkward. Since I know her from a work perspective I didn't quite know where to direct my attention.

On one hand I wanted to just be with the wine guy and ignore everyone else or pay them little attention, but since I knew the PR gal I couldn't quite do that. I had to remain professional.. and act in the best interest of my place of work.

I also try pretty hard to make sure my work and personal life don't cross over unless I want them to. I don't date people from work, and I don't let the people I date get sucked into my work situation if I can help it.

The bottom line is the only serious relationship I've had since being in this position where I need to be social and attend events has been Mr. Wonderful and since he was a doctor it didn't really matter where I took him, no one knew him so I didn't have to worry about my 2 worlds colliding.

Not to mention since we were serious I didn't care one way or the other. It wasn't like people were going to start talking.

That's my comfort zone. This intermingling of worlds is a bit trying for me. I'm a pretty private person... which is kind of surprising since I'm putting my life out into the world via this blog... but it's true.

I'm very guarded and this was just down right awkward on a lot of levels.

After dinner the head chef for the national chain came over and sat at our table. It was a little odd that no one was spinning their pitches to me, because I wasn't the one on their radar, I was just a 'plus 1'.

I was totally fine with it, but after being in work mode with the PR gal it was a little odd watching it from the outside in.

I was the one with the rock star. Now I know how my guests must feel when I bring them along to these events. Yikes! And here I thought all along I was doing them a favor. I may have to rethink my next invite!

All in all it was a very strange experience for me.

After the wine guy dropped off his 'loot' as his car he walked me to mine. When we got there, it was the usual chit chat and then the goodnight kissing began.

At one point I heard the doors of the car next to mine unlock.... nice.

There's really nothing like kissing in a parking lot and getting busted by someone else to make you feel like you're in high school.

Which is exactly what he said 'do you feel like your in high school right now?' and surprisingly I was thinking the exact same thing.

A little later the PR gal came out, and we waved and said have a nice night.... again with the awkwardness.

So strange... so strange... but it is a small world and this city doesn't help so I shouldn't be surprised, especially after living and working here as long as I have.

As I drove off into the night I thought of 2 things. Was I nervous because I could sense the awkwardness that was going to set in? And how do you blend the work and dating when your worlds cross over?

I suppose the answer to both is 'don't worry about it'. Things happen the way they are meant to and thinking too much doesn't help.

Day 211: Ahhhhh Texting (sigh)

It was a little rough getting into work today.

I ditched the idea of straightening the hair, and just got down to the business of getting ready... no fancy stuff, just get 'er done.

After staying up a little too late last night, because of a little over-indulging with the wine, I was struggling to get ready, and today I had to be out the door super early to drop off the car at the shop.

Of course I was late getting the car to the shop, because Monday wouldn't be Monday without a trip to Starbucks.

Throughout the day I waited for 'the call' from the shop. I was hoping to get 'him' (the car) back before lunch. I don't like to be without 2 things... my car and a tv.

There's something about not having them that makes me very anxious. I think it must be the lack of control with the car, and I can't venture a guess to the tv.

Then it happened, the phone lit up and I recognized the number as the shop so I picked it up hoping for the best.

When I answered it wasn't exactly the news I was hoping for, instead of saying 'your car is ready!' there was a list of other things wrong that needed to be fixed... just a few non-neccessities like the brakes! Bottom line, my bill more than doubled.

With an 11 year old car my thoughts immediately swing to, why do I keep this car? Oh yes, because I love it... that's right. When the massive repair bills come I'm not convinced I love it. At this stage of our relationship, it's certainly not an unconditional love I suppose.

The bright spot in the day was some texting with the wine guy. We had a pretty good back and forth going... the banter was light hearted and filled with some laughter... on my part at least.

And it ended pretty well, he invited me to a wine dinner tomorrow night. Wine and good food are hard to pass up, so I quickly rearranged a last minute happy hour I had planned

Our texting happens through twitter, which is a bit unconventional. In the past I've had a hard time getting used to the idea of being asked out via text, but for some reason while this is exactly the same in theory it doesn't seem like it.

Maybe because that's how we met? I'm not sure but when I think about it, it's kind of strange to not have someone's phone number. Welcome to dating in 2010.

At least I was eased into it, I can't imagine having to enter this crazy world after being married for years and years.

Who am I kidding? I had a 26 year old ask me out via text not too long ago. I wasn't eased into this, I'm just used to it now. I guess it's a sign of the times, and I'm ok with it... at least for now.

Quitting time rolled around and I started to think about how to get my car from the shop. Sunshine wasn't leaving for a while so I decided to call and see what time they closed.

The guy on the other end said '5 minutes'. CRAP! Ok... THINK!!! Who can you get to take you? They offer rides but at 5 minutes before quitting time I was pretty sure that wasn't going to happen.

The Coffee Fairy was leaving in 5 minutes, I could check with her. I ran to her desk and she was standing up getting ready to take off for the day.

Out of breath I asked if she could give me a ride, even though I knew she was heading the other direction. She said 'absolutely! can you leave now or do you need to wait?'

She is so sweet to be willing to wait for me even after her quitting time.

I responded with 'no I'm ready, let me just run back and get my purse,' which I did and quickly met her at the front door.

I am so thankful she was willing to take me, I absolutely hate the idle chit chat you have to come up with a complete stranger in a car driving you to the repair shop.

It should be outlawed. I suppose I could just sit there in silence, but that could be worse. The awkwardness waiting for the other person to speak, wondering what they're thinking.

It's just a bad situation all around, and I"m happy I don't have to sit through it.... today at least.

Texting seems to be a much better way to approach what could be an awkward situation, maybe repair shops can work that in somehow to avoid the random chatter?

I guess that wouldn't work with all the driving going on, but it would make for a more pleasant experience for the customer and isn't that what's really important anyway? Ha ha

Ok so maybe not... another genius idea foiled by practicality.

Day 212: Midlife crisis or do I need a vacation?

I want to run away.

It started in Vegas and it's continuing today. I feel trapped in my job, my house and my other responsibilities.

I don't want to go away forever, just for a little while.

Dropping off the face of the planet for a few days has never sounded so good to me.

But unfortunately it seems like there is always something going on that won't allow me to do it.

I had hoped to take a day off this week, but that's not going to work. Corporate is coming to town the middle of the week, and my boss wants me to help with intern interviews at the end of the week.

I can't turn down the offer to interview the interns, because they are an integral part of what we do, and it looks good on a resume.

So here I am stuck again without being able to take a day off for my sanity.

Sure I could just call in sick, but I'm too honest, and I couldn't do it.

Sometimes being a responsible adult really absolutely sucks. And I'm not even a real adult! I don't have kids or a husband, it's just me a job, and 2 cats. That would be a breeze for most people.

So maybe it's a midlife crisis. Laugh all you want, 39 could be middle aged. People die at 78 all the time.

I'm hoping I've got a few more years left in me beyond that, but I don't know. How do you know if you're going through a midlife crisis or you just need a vacation?

I did look at sports cars online the other day. Ok... so I looked at Mustangs, which is what I currently drive, because my car is 11 years old and has been in the shop a lot recently and I'm weighing my options.

So I guess that doesn't count.

This weekend has been a bit like a vacation for me. I've been secluded in my house, with the exception of the computer shopping spree, relaxing, sleeping in, and pretty much doing nothing, but somehow it doesn't seem to be working.

I want to be away from everything, with no one to worry about but myself and spilling my margarita, is that too much to ask?

Evidently it is at this stage of the game. I'm just going to have to ride it out for a few months to get through the holidays and hope to take an amazing vacation at the beginning of next year.

Day 213: Customer service bliss!

I woke up intent on being lazy, and that's exactly what I did.

I slept in, and when I woke up I immediately camped out on the couch.

I started flipping through the channels and found my college team's football game... SCORE! I had enough ammo to tide me over in relaxation mode for a few hours.

They did not disappoint, crushing the other team. But of course I couldn't just sit there idly I had to do some research on a computer.

I've been avoiding buying a Mac but unfortunately I think I'm going to have to cave in.

They have the best consumer video editing software I can find and the closest thing to it in the PC world would require me to buy a new computer to support it and the software would be a gamble.

So I decide to jet off to the store after the game is over.

Either it was slow when I walked in, or I had a determined look in my eye, because I've never been given such great service.

I immediately ran into the guy who offered to 'translate' for me a few weeks ago who quickly ran to grab the guy I didn't need to translate to.

We talked about the Mac computers while another guy listened in (I guess there was some sort of review situation going on), he seemed a little flustered when I looked right at him when he interrupted to explain something in greater detail.

When I walked up to purchase the Mac one of the first guys I talked to a few weeks ago happened to walk by and say 'hey, so what did you end up buying?'

I had no idea I had such power. People I've worked with for years sometimes don't recognize me, what's going on with the guys in the store?

Then I went back to a conversation I had with the wine guy. He said all the techy geeks were probably so stunned to have a cute girl standing there speaking their language and giving them the time of day they were mesmerized.

Maybe so? I suppose it didn't hurt, because again... I've never had such great service, normally they just ignore me.

When I got home I tried to set up my wireless connection and that's the point I realized I'm pretty much an idiot.

I managed to screw up the existing connection to my current computer and now I was stuck. I couldn't do any research on either computer to try to figure out what went wrong.

So I called the experts for some more customer service. I ended up talking to a lovely girl in the Philippines who talked me through the entire process.

Basically I spent my entire Saturday night on the phone with tech support, where has my life gone?

Maybe it's gone where it needs to be, relaxed and at home. Nah, forget that! I need to live while I'm still able to live!

I know being 40 doesn't mean I'm dead, but there is something about it that really bothers me.

It's like I'm converting to a new religion.

Somehow the thought of turning 40 while dating someone in their 30's kind of weirds me out. I'm not sure why exactly a few years age difference is all it is, but it seems like so much more than that.

I think it's that I don't want them to see me getting old and 40 seems old.

Then again I'm not exactly sure I want to date someone who is in their 40's so I guess I'm kind of stuck in this sort of age purgatory.

Day 214: Easing into the weekend

All I can think about today is getting through to quitting time.

I was exhausted when I went to bed last night, and when the alarm went off this morning I had that moment of sheer bliss when I thought it was Saturday and I forgot to turn my alarm off.

I was ready to roll back over and go to sleep and then it hit me... oh crap! It's Monday!! I decided that also required a snooze or two.

I finally figured out on try number three that today was actually Friday. Now there's a reason to get out of bed, at least there's light at the end of the tunnel!

Unfortunately, by the time I went through all of those scenarios in my head I was exhausted and I hadn't even got out of bed yet!

All I could think about at work was getting through the day, which meant I wasn't the most productive person on the planet but that's ok.

Everything that needed to get done was done.

True to form, about 3pm Sunshine says 'what are you doing tonight? are you going out? meeting someone?'

I haven't felt the most social all week so I told her just that, and I was looking forward to going home and relaxing but I appeased her by saying I may go to a station party tomorrow night.

I really didn't think I would be going but these days I never quite know what I'm going to be doing until I'm doing it.

Once I got home I realized it was one of the best decisions I could have made.

I laid down on the couch, and before I knew it I was dozing off.... I think it was 6:30!

Talk about getting old! One late night and I'm down for the count. What happened to me??

It was a really late night. I ended up talking to Perky on the phone for an hour and a half after the dinner. She was in charge of it and was letting off some steam and frustrations.

Of course when I got off the phone I couldn't wind down and go to bed, so I think it was 1am when I finally settled down and got some sleep.

But still, that's no excuse. I used to work 2, 14 hour shifts in one weekend and still manage to go out. Ok, so that was in college but still... how can things change that much?

I guess it's time for me to face the facts, I'm not 22 any more and I'm not going to be. I need to know my limits and enjoy myself within those limits.

That means no late nights, trying to put off the inevitable (going to work), or no staying up late on a school night unless it's for a good cause ;) and there are a few I would consider, but they would have to be strategically planned so I could sleep the next night.

So maybe planning is the key. Hmmm... not exactly my strongest trait, but I suppose I could buck up if the occasion called for it.

No point worrying about it until the time comes, but I certainly learned from the lesson of last night... at least while it's fresh in my mind.

I can't say I'll remember it in 2 weeks when I'm tempted by an offer to stay out late and do something fun!

Day 215: Candy necklace survival

Talk about feeling like Cinderella.

I know I really need to let that go, the prediction has come and gone, but somehow the symbolism remains.

We had a high end jeweler on the show today and his security guard brought plenty of extra jewelry.

The Cheerleader had some on, Sunshine was sporting some, and by the time the show was over one of the other guests was wearing some too!

My director and I sat in the control room feeling like we were second rate. We decided we could work much more effective and efficiently if we were wearing those diamonds too!

Later in the day Sunshine got an email from the security guard (I think he has a little crush on her), he sent her pictures of her wearing the jewelry and she sent them to me.

They were lovely, and she looked gorgeous in $350,000 worth of jewels.

But something in those photos made me want to look in my snack drawer. I needed candy... something sweet... I needed something to comfort me.

I opened up the drawer, and there it was... sitting next to the Hershey bar, and candy cigarettes. Staring at me as if mocking me and the events of the day.

A Flintstones candy necklace.



I grabbed it and ripped it out of the wrapper, I had to eat it today, it was too funny!

I gingerly pulled the string elastic to its max breaking point and gently slid it over my hair and onto my neck, and then I got Sunshine's attention.

Ok, so it wasn't gorgeous diamonds, ruby's, and emeralds but... I could eat it! Which is much better, at least for the moment.

She laughed and then I took it off and started to work gnawing away, savoring each sugary bite.

After work I headed to a new restaurant opening to try the food and wine pairings.

Unfortunately it wasn't a plus one situation so I was going to have to make friends.

When I walked in I was immediately grouped with 2 other people. One was a guy I worked with 8 years ago, who didn't immediately recognize me and the other was a producer from a competing station.

When our tour was over we started with the small talk. I refreshed the memory of the guy and he said I looked familiar, and the girl started asking questions about one of the other shows on my station.

I'm a pretty reasonable person but I am also very loyal, so when she said our new show was 'unwatchable' it was all I could do to bite my tongue.

Thankfully I was having a pretty good day, and I hadn't had more than one glass of wine.

Who says that to a complete stranger? I couldn't believe what I was hearing, especially because the show she works for isn't exactly an Emmy award winner if you know what I mean.

But I decided against it and remained polite for the sake of my friend who was in charge of the get together.

When it came time to sit down for dinner I have to say I was pleasantly surprised that I didn't have to sit next to her.

Instead I was parked between 2 women with a wedding magazine... perfect.... and another magazine editor.

At one point in the evening one of the women was having conversations about my former bosses 'ugly divorce', and talking in general about some current and former co-workers.

I looked the other direction hoping for some sort of excuse to join their conversation... they were talking about planning a wedding.

Great... that was the point I decided to stare at the wall straight ahead and enjoy the rest of the wine that was placed in front of me.

Thankfully I'd eaten every ounce of that candy necklace! I think the sugar helped make me a little sweeter.... or the sugar coma I was in earlier returned.

Day 216: Where's the cougar belt?

Where's my cougar belt when I need it?

Shortly after I got to work today I got a call from the Coffee Fairy. She simply said 'thank you'.

I had no idea what she was talking about, so I said 'o..k.... why?' She responded with 'for having male models on the show' Again I was confused.

I knew we had a fashion show, but male models didn't quite seem right so I took a quick look and noticed there was one male on the list.

I confirmed with her that there really was only one, because a gang of male models would require some extra attention on my part.

When it was appropriate I took a quick run through the studio and greeted some of our regular guests, all the while keeping a close eye out for the 'hottie'... but no luck.

After the show started I saw him, and surprisingly I recognized him from fashion week. He was adorable, tall, dark and handsome with sleepy bedroom eyes and a pouty little mouth.

I have to say the mouth didn't quite impress me, it almost looked like he'd had some 'work done' which is kind of creepy on a dude to begin with add a young dude into the mix and it's even weirder.

But it wasn't a deal breaker that's for sure. All I could think about was, 'where is that belt when I need it?'

There's something about it that makes me feel like I have some superhuman power. As if I can take on even the youngest (not too young) and hottest of men without batting an eye or breaking a sweat.

For some reason it gives me a sense of confidence in some weird way.

Clothes can definitely make or break your attitude that's for sure, but I never thought a belt could have that affect on me alone.

My timing must have been off because I wore it yesterday. I pointed it out to my director because I knew she would get a kick out of it, given my recent history with young guys.

During the show she said to everyone involved with the show, 'hey everyone check out her belt, it's a cougar!'



Great... now I'm going to feel the need to explain my inside joke with the rest of the world... or not. I suppose I could just laugh it off and call it a day and that's what I did, because I was feeling a little grouchy.

It's not a belt that literally says 'cougar' but it does have a design of a cougar or some other feline type animal on it, so it's subtle... like me :) No need for explanations.

I can't quite put my finger on why I'm so grouchy today. I guess it doesn't matter why it happened some days you just have a grouchy day, and this was one of them.

It was so bad I adopted a Grinch finger puppet I received in a press kit as my mascot. Somehow seeing him made me feel a little better, like we were kindred spirits for the day.



His fur comforted me and seeing his grouchy face was comforting. And when I made him dance for Sunshine that cheered me up a bit too.

Later that night, I sent the wine guy a message, despite not really wanting to talk to anyone. He was super nice and sent me a link that he uses to cheer himself up. It was absolutely hysterical! Once again with the humor,

I'm a sucker for the humor mostly because it's rare I find someone with the same type of humor or someone who 'gets it'.

Day 217: The post day 61 hangover

It's Sunshine's birthday and for the first time in a long time I'm actually prepared for a birthday.

I've got the card for everyone to sign, balloon, flowers, cupcakes, and I'm going to stop at Starbuck's and grab a coffee for myself.... and a gift card for Sunshine.

I hoped to get to work before she did, so I could surprise her by having her desk decorated when she arrived.

Sadly I ran into some major traffic. They have been doing construction off and on for the past month or so and it kicked in again today.

I didn't care, I needed to stop at Starbuck's because I was exhausted and it was the only way to get through the day.

Once I got to work and saw her car I knew I had to have a different plan of attack.

That plan was not a very good one... it was basically to just hand her things as I could... holding off on the card and the cupcakes.

So I immediately tied the balloon to her chair and then went back to grab the flowers and the vase I'd left by the back sink.

She was so surprised and happy it made me happy, even though my planning was bad.

Every time she would get up to go to the bathroom or take a phone call I would slip another surprise onto her desk.

Right before the show the Coffee Fairy called me over to my desk to tell me someone had dropped off a bunch of food from a local restaurant.

Perfect! We had Sunshine's birthday lunch taken care of!

As I was carrying it back to my desk for safe keeping, she saw me and asked what I had.

I told her I had her birthday lunch catered... she said 'really? Are you serious?'

I quickly replied with 'no, they just dropped it off but it's our lunch'

This isn't even something I would categorize into the accidental genius column, but it was pretty cool.

After lunch I looked down and noticed the cupcakes under my desk... crap!

I busted them out and shared them with the gang.

I ended up going with the cupcakes with the bright colored frosting and farm animals on top.

My choices were transformers... iCarly... and female Disney characters... so I decided the farm animals were the best choice.

I don't think anyone got any work done today. I was busy making sure Sunshine got all the goodies I had planned for her... and at one point our boss came out and said 'when is your birthday happening again? this was fun!'

He's right. It was fun, and it took my mind off the post day 61 hangover I was feeling.

Seeing Sunshine enjoy her birthday as much as she did, made me happy.

But at the end of the day I did get a lump in my throat when she said 'you know where we need to go for my birthday drink?'

I knew the answer... she wants to go to the bar where the old owner asked me out.

I love her to death, but I'm not sure I'm quite ready for that one yet.

She thinks I should just pretend like I never got the message. I'm not so sure about that... but at least I have a few days to figure out a plan.

Day 218: It's day 61

I tried to get a good nights sleep just in case the tea leaf reader was right, but sadly it didn't work very well.

I woke up early which was a good thing, because I had to straighten my hair and get the cute outfit I had already picked out on before heading to work.

On the way in, I tried to think about who may be on the show today. It wouldn't be the first time I have met someone through the show and gone on a date with them.

It is pretty rare, but not unheard of.

All day, I waited to meet someone, to lose a shoe, to get a phone call, or an emailm anything that might be a sign.

But nothing.

After work I decided to head to the mall to grab a motorcycle jacket I've had my eye on. It was the last day of the sale and I needed to grab it if I wanted it.

Now I didn't expect to find Prince Charming in the middle of the women's department at Macy's but you never know.

Once again... nothing.

I was so crazed I even wondered if my car was going to break down and some man known or unknown would come to save me.

From there it was off to the grocery store. I had a craving for pot stickers and I needed to grab a few things for Sunshine's birthday.

Once I got there of course I started scoping the territory while I was scouring the freezer section for the pot stickers.

I was loaded up with an arm load of goodies. I had a bundle of flowers, a balloon, birthday card, pot stickers, cupcakes, and a stromboli without a basket.

What was I thinking?! At one point I dropped the pot stickers and I was waiting for my knight in shining armor to rescue me.... but nothing.

By the time I was on my way home I had been out and about for about 12 hours and not so much as a flirtatious look... text... comment... or phone call in my direction.

It could be the rash of zits on my face or that I look like a crazed lunatic trying to find whoever might be coming into my life.. or staying in my life.

I'm not convinced Prince Charming is a stranger, he could be someone I've already met.

So I thought maybe I would hear something from the wine guy that would push me over the edge, some other acquantance or the matchmaker... who knows?!

But I got nothing.... not even an email from my bug guy!

Now that I've made it through the day I need to just relax and get on with my life and realize it's out of my control.

I was given the prediction, and it wasn't set in stone.

She said 'it could happen early next year, but the cup says 61 days' almost like she didn't fully believe in the 61 day timeline herself.

I'm ok with that.

Now I can obsess and get into shape, and take care of whatever else it is I think I need to do before 'he' finds me.

I guess that means I just live my life, which I'm ok with.

Day 219: Preparing for the big day

For the first time in weeks I finally managed to sleep in.

I considered getting up early and going for a hike, but I needed some real down time today.

I have a lot of stuff to do around the house, granted it's boring stuff, but it needs to be done... wash the dishes, do some laundry, clean the house... ugh.

Besides I have to get ready for tomorrow.

Based off the timing of the tea leaf reader's prediction, Prince Charming is coming in 61 days, which is tomorrow.

I've said it before, but I will say it again. I'm not holding a lot of stock in the fact that it will happen tomorrow.

I think she is right, and it will happen sometime soon, but nailing down the exact day seems a little freaky to me.

Now if it actually happens tomorrow I will be a believer for life, but until then I've definitely got a wait and see attitude about it.

I have to say it's perfect timing too. I never break out but I currently have about 3 zits on my face.

I suspect a few culprits, the 7 layer dip facial... or maybe it was the waxing... or perhaps just hormones.

I thought it was going to be a good thing to get my skin glowing for the big day but maybe I should have put a little more thought into it.

Somehow getting rid of teh peach fuzz on my upper lip seemed like a good idea when I was in the facial but I'm not sure I would have agreed knowing the payoff would be a few zits. It's a tough call at this point.

So tonight here I sit, enjoying a glass of red wine, obsessing about my zits and wondering what the future might hold for me.

I have to say it's a little frightening, knowing something is going to happen but not knowing when, who, or how.

Not frightening in a scary I think he's going to kill me way, but more in a I don't have control way.

I kind of like my life right now, adding someone into it full time would be a bit of a chore.

But isn't that how and when it always happens? It always has in my life.

When I'm super content and everything is falling into place, the world seems to throw me a curveball.

I guess there's nothing I can do about it, I need to let to and let the universe do it's work.

I think I'll feel a lot better after I get through tomorrow. It's like a cloud that's been hovering over me for the past 2 months, lurking in the back of my brain.

Every guy I've met I've wondered about, it will be nice to just get through it and stop thinking about it.

That is... if it doesn't happen.

Or maybe I need to go back to her for the full length reading. No I'm sure that would cause me to obsess waaaay too much. I just need to let it go... but that doesn't mean I will :)

Day 220: Fashion Week Pt. 2

Today ended up being a bit of a blur.

I had to pick up the cats meds, massage appointment, and lunch with the girls, then fashion week.

There was plenty of time to fit it all in without being rushed, it was just going to be a long day.

I planned to get up early and race down to pick up the kitties medication before my massage.

Problem is, I woke up late. This should not be a surprise to me anymore, but it still pisses me off.

Looking on the bright side, being too late to get the meds made me early for my massage. :)

By the time my massage was over and I was scheduling my next appointment, my therapist dropped the bomb on me.

She said she couldn't find any knots and I didn't need to come back for a month. WHAT?!

I've been coming every 2 weeks for quite a while, with knots the size of a small animal in my back.

How is it that now I'm so stress free she couldn't find anything to massage?

I know I should be thankful, and I am, it's just a shock.

Because I was running late I had to push lunch back an hour which got pushed another hour and before I knew it I was heading home with an hour and a half to spare before I got gussied up and left for fashion week.

Aren't weekends supposed to be relaxing?

I tried to rest for a few minutes, catch the end of Project Runway (it only seems fitting before fashion week right?) to get me in the mood for a little runway walking, and get ready and leave.

I decided to go with a striped dress with sequins on the top, black tights, and the new peep toe stiletto booties I bought today... but the outfit wouldn't be complete without the 'cougar belt'.

It's a simple black belt with a cougar design as the clasp.... it's subtle but it makes me smile a little because of the inside joke with myself and my friends.

Fashion week was a great time. There was a huge crowd, and we managed to land front row seats... again.

But this time we were seperated, Mr. Wonderful's mom and the new girlfriend sat on one side of the runway, and I sat directly across, facing them.

At one point an older guy was sitting to the left of me, and it was a bit distracting.

After the show, the girls told me he was all up in my personal space, but for whatever reason I didn't seem to know it. It must have looked worse than it actually was. I think the direct quote was 'he looked like he was sitting in your lap.'

It definitely wasn't that bad, because I would have had something to say about it.

Even funnier than his sitting stance, were his comments to his friend sitting on the other side.

As the male models walked down the runway I heard him say 'that's great. Look at the red piping on that jacket, I'd totally wear that.'

Sure, if they were gay I wouldn't have even given it a second thought, but they weren't! It was the most bizarre things I think I've ever witnessed.

One of the female models came cruising down the runway in a black satin dress with a plunging neckline and it drew his attention (of course it did, God only knows the last time he'd seen boobies).

As she turned the corner and started walking away from us he said 'that was the dress of the night, the black dress with the red Louboutin's... that's perfect.'

Of course I was doing a little people watching, and I saw a guy who looked like a sports guy I used to work with a few years ago.

But the one thing that was throwing me off was the heavy Sid Vicious eyeliner he was sporting.

I texted Sunshine to tell her, because she knows him too, and I'm not sure if she was buying it. But I swear it was him!

Wow... what is this alternative world I'm living in?? Sports guys wearing eyeliner, dudes critiquing fashion like women, and I'm not stressed?!

Even more frightening, it's getting close to the 61 day prediction, and I'm doubting tea cups have a high accuracy rate.

Mr. Wonderful's mom mentioned the prediction and hinted I might find a man at the event, but after my experience during the show I have to say there is no way I will ever date a man with that much fashion knowledge. It creeps me out a little bit.

Day 221: The new girlfriend

At work today I got a call from Mr. Wonderful's mom.

She told me his brother was in town with his new girlfriend. They were all going to dinner and she wanted to know if I wanted to join them because he wanted to see me.

I agreed and after work I took off to go to the restaurant.

I have to say it was a little difficult to see him with a different girl.

When I first met him 5 years ago he was engaged and he has been up until recently.

I feel like his ex-fiance is a part of the family. I always saw them together because they live out of town, so they would come together or he was by himself.

But as I think about it, it will be the same for them when I find someone. Mr. Wonderful's mom has already said she wants to meet him when the time comes, and I'm sure that time won't be easy... for any of us.

In fact they could feel the same way I'm feeling right now.

All that said, it is his life, and I don't know what went on in their relationship, so my philosophy on this one is 'if he's happy, I'm happy for him.'

And he seemed very happy, it was just very odd for me to see.

Although I have a difficult time with change, and I'm a very loyal person. In this situation it's a bit of a double whammy.

But I have to say she is a very nice girl, with a bubbly personality and her energy and enthusiasm are contagious.

During dinner fashion week came up and she said it sounded like a fun event to go to and she would like to go sometime.

Then the brother interjected, you girls should go tomorrow.... and it was on.

We decided to get a plan ready tomorrow since I didn't have the details on the schedule.

I am becoming a fashionista overnight it seems. Now I have to find another outfit to wear.

At least this time I have a full day to pick it out.

Day 221: Fashion Week

I love fashion, but I'm not the best at being the fashionista.

I try, and sometimes I will succeed for a few days but then I seem to fall off the wagon somehow.

Tonight I need to look the part because I am going to fashion week with the Cheerleader.

At work she is talking about the fabulous dress and necklace the designers are letting her borrow for the night.

Great.. I have to compete with that?

It's ok... I have a plan. There are a few things in my closet I can make work... if I pull a MacGruber moment on them.

All day it was pretty much in the back of my mind. If only I could get the shirt and belt I was having altered at the boutique.

When the show was over I checked my voicemail and it was a hallelujah chorus... the alterations were complete and I could pick them up. Whoo hoo!!

Now all I had to do was figure out how to get there to pick them up before they closed.

As soon as quitting time hit, I was out the door like Flash Gordon.

I got in my car and bolted out of the parking lot. I was on a mission... I needed those clothes!

Of course I ended up behind every slow car on the road. You know the ones... they won't even make a right turn on red when it's legal.

They have to wait for the green light even though there is absolutely no cross traffic?! Gggggrrrrr!!

Don't they know I need clothes?!! Come on people! It's fashion week for goodness sake!

I made it to the boutique in the knick of time. I'm pretty sure they had the key in the door ready to turn the lock when I walked up.

Thankfully I know the owner, so she was happy to help me, especially when I told her what I was doing.

She was very happy to help me with my fashion decision for the evening, giving me a few suggestions to get me going.

From there I raced home to start the mad dash to try on clothes to find the perfect outfit.

I had the shirt I just picked up with the new skirt and tights with boots... eh?

The shirt is sheer so I decided to take a picture of myself to make sure my bra wouldn't show with the flash... and it was a big fat fail!

It was on to plan B.... the short skirt with the tights and a different shirt... eh? Just so so... I wasn't feeling it.

So I immediately jumped to my comfort zone... leggings and a long shirt with a belt and my favorite boots of all time.

Ok... so they are my favorite boots of the moment... but they are hot!

Now I was feeling stylish and comfortble... perfect.

I ran into the kitchen to feed and medicate the cats and I was off.

I made it there and caught up with the Cheerleader.

Before too long we were sitting in our seats in the VIP section, and our seats just happened to be in the front row... nice! I'm lucky to have this job.

We watched the fashions commenting on all of them. Some we liked, some we didn't, some we just focused on the shoes because the clothes just weren't our thing.

There was one more runway show most of us decided not to go to, because we were showing our age.

It was past our bedtime and it was a school night.

10 years ago I wouldn't have even thought twice about going. Now I know if I stay out late I'm going to feel like crap tomorrow.

So home I went instead of partying like a rock star... and the best part is I was ok with it all.

Day 222: Date #2

Thankfully today is a half day at work.... or so I thought.

Recently all I have been thinking about is taking some time off. I need it like nobody's business.

I feel like my head hasn't left the keyboard and computer monitor for 3 months, and it's time for a break.

Having 4 hours off today will have to do... for now.

It seemed like a great idea, until I walked through the door and realized I still had 8 hours of work to do in a 4 hour time frame. Crap!

I immediately got to work rushing through all of my daily tasks and I made some pretty good headway.

Thankfully there were no fires to put out today.

After I was done I rushed out the door and headed for a doctors appointment and a facial.... and after that it was date #2 with the wine guy.

I made it to the boutique for my facial and they got to work. It felt a little like a 7 layer dip because it just kept going... and going.... and going. But it was very nice and my skin felt and looked fantastic when it was all over.

During my facial I mentioned the date, so when it was over they also did my makeup.

While I was sitting there I couldn't help but feel a little like Cinderella.

I know... I know... it never would have crossed my mind if the tea leaf reader hadn't said it months ago but since she planted the seed it was there.

Now that I was looking beautiful I was headed out the door and ready to meet the wine guy.

We met at a wine bar... of course... it only seems fitting right?

Again, good conversation, and some laugh out loud moments.

I'm not really a laugh out loud girl... it definitely takes a lot... or a certain type of humor... to make me laugh so that was a pleasant suprise when I looked back on it and realized it happened.

We played a fabulous game called 'Fact or Crap'. Yes that is the actual name of the game. I couldn't make it up if I tried.

We discussed the possibility that someone... or a group of people... got paid a lot of money to sit around and come up with that fantastic name.

I suppose that could have been it's own fact or crap question.

Once again we had a great time. But we needed to call it quits early because it was a school night and we both had to work the next day.

So we said our goodbyes and called it a night and discussed getting together next week sometime.

Day 223: Time to hit the reset button

Have you ever had one of those days where you just wanted to hit the reset button and start all over?

Today was one of those days. I won't even tell you that I was running late, that should be a given at this stage of the game.

I walked through the door and hit the ground running. I had a few things to do with the show to get it on the air.

Before I knew it our first guests were arriving... early.... of course, so I sent the intern out to greet them.

About 30 minutes before the show the intern came to tell me one of the guests was requesting to be in the show earlier than I had her scheduled.

That's one of my pet peeves. I am the one running the show, you are in the show at a certain time for a reason. I'm not opposed to making concessions if there is a legitimate reason, but I prefer to know in advance.

Today the guest wanted to go early because they had a flight to catch. Ok, so that's a legimate reason, but only based on the flight time. So I sent the intern back to check.

I'm not some kind of producer nazi, I just now how people operate after doing this a while.

They don't want to sit around in our green room they would rather sit around at the airport waiting for their flight.

The intern came back and sure enough, the flight is an hour and a half after her scheduled spot on the show and we are very close to the airport so crisis averted.

15 minutes later (yes that's 15 minutes before the show) another crisis pops up.

Sunshine is standing by my desk with a look on her face that I knew couldn't be good... and it wasn't.

She was there to tell me the chef didn't have any shrimp for his shrimp dish. Perfect.

He was rushing out to the store to get some and hopefully... we'll keep our fingers crossed... he'll make it back in time for his first segment in the show.

Great, I think to myself, but what can you do? You can't have a shrimp dish without shrimp, and my job is all about flexibility. This is why they pay me the big bucks :)

I think there was one more thing that went wrong, but thankfully I think I must have pushed it to the back of my brain so it won't come up until I'm in a nursing home later in life and my grandchildren won't know what I'm talking about.

After the 3rd sucker punch less than 2 hours into my day all I wanted to do was throw my towel in the ring and call it quits.

Curling up in my bed and shutting out the rest of the world seemed like a pretty good option. If only I could make it happen... sadly I could not so I took another approach.

One I tend to take more frequently than I should. Ride out the storm.

Everything ended up fine in the end. We had to do some minor last minute adjustments but all in all it worked out well.

By the end of the day I was ready to call it quits, and head home for a quiet night with the kitties.

Unfortunately by the time quitting time rolled around, it was pouring down rain.

It was a big storm, and one we only see every few decades in this area, so I was staying put.

I really didn't have much of a choice. I was being held hostage. My car was at the shop getting the oil changed, and Sunshine was going to drive me there to pick it up.

There was no way either one of us wanted to drive in that stuff so we stuck it out.

I did eventually get home... no worse for wear... ready to hit the reset button and start all over again tomorrow.

Day 224: Difficult break-ups

Today is all about difficult break-ups.

The Cheerleader has been hounding me for the past week to 'break up' with my hair guy, and I just can't find it within myself to do it.

I know going to someone else would probably be a good idea, to bring some new life and freshness into my style, but I've been with this guy for 11 years!

He might as well be a member of my family at this point. I've had him as long as I've had my car and I'm quite attached to both.

Not to mention I'm getting an absolute steal! He cuts, colors, and styles my hair for the amount some women pay for a cut or a style, how can I quit that?

She says I should just go to someone else, then have him do the upkeep on it, or have someone on the show give me a makeover and let him take over.

I can't do that. It would compare it to having to take over my own show after someone did a complete overhaul and did a lot of things I may or may not have agreed with.

I'm waaay too much of a control freak to allow that to happen.

After that long conversation I realized I also have to break up with my cable company, I just can't put it off any longer.

Ok, so it's not as much of a personal connection there but I've still been procrastinating.

Today is the last day of my billing cycle so I have to do it today. I decided to bite the bullet and make the phone call on my lunch break.

At least doing it over the phone is a little easier than face to face.

Wow do I have problems with confrontation. This is just the cable company and I still am getting a little anxious about the call.

I just don't like it when someone won't or can't accept my decision and let it be.

It may take me a while to get to my decision, but once it's made, it's made and there is no stopping me or changing my mind.

Lucky for me today, the gal with the cable company simply agreed with my decision and sent me on my way.

It was so refreshing. If only every break up or confrontation could be that way my life would be so much easier!

I suppose if I didn't give a crap it would make it a lot easier too, but I'm not exactly sure how to make that happen.

Day 225: The coffee date

No sleeping in today, I set the alarm to make sure I was up and ready for my coffee date with the wine guy.

I'm not exactly sure how it happened, but somehow I managed to be late even though I was up 2 hours earlier and I only live 5 minutes away.

I really do think it's in my genes, or at least that's my excuse so it's out of my control which means it's not my fault.

We were meeting at a Starbuck's I used to go to all the time.

And yes, I did go out on one date with a guy a met there one morning, but that was years ago so now it's back in the 'safe zone'.

Is coffee an aphrodisiac? What is my fascination with dating men from coffee shops? Ok, so it's only been 2 guys it just feels like so many more, I think because I'm always scoping out the scene for available guys.

So here I am, on a date, we ordered and true to form for this particular Starbuck's they screwed up my order.

I ordered an iced coffee, and I thought I listened to the barrista call it back correctly and sure enough they made an iced green tea.

When I lived near this particular location and was stopping in 3 times a week they would always screw up my order. They would forget to make it, make the wrong thing, mess up my name, you name it, they did it.

How is it that 6 years later and a complete staff change, they are still managing to screw it up? It's crazy, but at least their consistent right?!

Once I got my correct drink order, we headed outside and found a nice table with some shade and sat down.

We ended up getting lost in the conversation, talking for about 4 hours, rotating around the table like a human sundial.

It was good conversation, with some laughs mixed in, all in all, a good date. It ended with plans to meet over another beverage... wine.

Later I headed to the electronics store to try to catch a guy who knows about video editing software.

I went in the day before and talked with one of the workers who referred me to the guy I'm was heading back in to see.

During the initial conversation yesterday, I had to 'dumb down' the specifics in order for the worker to understand my questions.

He directed me to the guy today who has the same editing skill level I do, and then said 'if you come in around 2, I'll be here to help you translate'.

Huh? Why would I need him to translate? Last time I checked I was translating to him, when all I really wanted to do was talk with someone who understood me.

Isn't that what we're all looking for? Someone who will listen, and understands us without having to translate too much.

Someone with a similar background who just knows where we're coming from without having to explain in excruciating detail what we're feeling.

I know that's the perfect world scenario, and I'm not naive enough to think there will be someone who instinctually knows what I'm feeling all the time, but a good reference point is a plus.

So that's where this stage of the search has taken me, at least for the time being, only time will tell what the next item on the 'wish list' will be.

Day 226: Bizarre cable installation

A late night wouldn't be complete without an early morning phone call to rub salt in the wounds.

All I wanted to do this morning was sleep in and be lazy until my Directv appointment at 1, instead I was jarred awake by the sound of my phone ringing at 7:20a.m.

It was the Directv guy asking if I could push his appointment to 8 a.m. Seriously?! Did he know what time it was? What was he thinking? It's 7:20 in the morning! I was half awake, which is probably why I agreed to it.

Another instance of a time when I should have 'just said no'.

Instead I agreed with one caveat... that he give me at least until 8:45 so I could caffeinate and grab some food to help sustain me until he planned on leaving.

He agreed, and I set out to Starbuck's... of course... grabbed my coffee and breakfast and came home with the goal of watching all my DVR'd programs before he arrived.

Perfect timing. I managed to make it through Project Runway with a few minutes to catch a quick nap before he arrived.

While he was here, we struck up a conversation which is only natural when you have a stranger in your home I suppose.

But the conversation got a little awkward. First he asked me if my husband would mind if he moved a few things on the tv stand in one of the rooms.

Huh? Husband? I thought I heard him wrong so I just ignored it and moved the pictures.

Not to mention the safety factor of telling a random installation guy that you live alone.

A little later I had to make a decision on which room to place the final receiver and I needed some help because I was so exhausted I could barely remember my name let alone a crucial decision about where to put a tv.

I told him I was going to call my friend, and he said 'why don't you call your husband? He would be able to help right?'

Ok enough was enough. This time I told him I wasn't married and he apologized for thinking I was. I don't know why he felt the need to apologize, I'm perfectly happy not being married.

Later, he told me he could help me with my yard, and he could take me to Mexico... that is... 'once we get to know each other better, because it would be a little weird now.'

O... K...? I thought it would be a little weird regardless, considering he is married!

What is wrong with men? Maybe it was a harmless invitation and I'm just too sensitive to it, but I doubt it.

The older I get the more I realize those conversations are mostly intentional, and it baffles me.

Do they think they are so very cool that women all over the world are lusting over them?

Or that we are so desperate as single women in our 30's we'll take them up on their offers?

For my own sanity I'll leave it in the category of men are from mars women are from venus and chalk it up to our innate differences.

Whether it's nature or nurture the events of the day leave me sitting here knowing full well why I am single and being very happy about it.... at least for the time being.