Day 259: A woman on a mission

I woke up today with a mission in mind, I needed to return the ticket to the Jimmy Buffett concert in Los Angeles.

A guy I work with gave it to me as my birthday present, and as much as I love Jimmy Buffett I just can't bring myself to go.

This is the guy who never really 'mans up' and asks me out, he only sends subtle messages and for good reason, because I would shoot him down.

I am only interested in being friends, but when I do that, he thinks otherwise and it gets weird... and this is one of those occassions.

You don't just get a ticket for a concert that is hundreds of miles away with someone of the opposite sex and expect them to go with you.

I suppose he just 'maned up' and threw subtle out the window. The problem is this has been going on for years.. and by years... I mean 5... before I met Mr. Wonderful.

If I haven't jumped on the bandwagon yet, I'm not going to... and my mission today was to tell him that... well... kind of.

I woke up late... again... I know this really shouldn't be a surprise to anyone at this point, I don't even know why I mention it anymore.

As I was running out the door I had to run back in and try to find a non-descript note card that I could write a message in.

I ran across a box of blank ones with images of Monet paintings on them... BINGO!

I grabbed one and ran out the door.

When I got to work, I pulled the notecard and the ticket out of my purse and put it on my desk as a reminder.... then I cringed as I heard his voice.... CRAP! He was already there!

He normally works an evening shift, and I was hoping to sneak it on his desk before I got there.

Oh well, I'm flexible, that just gave me more time to think of something to write and I can leave it after he's gone for the day.

The problem was... I was now paranoid that he was working a 'double'.

At the end of the day I showed Sunshine the ticket and she gave me an evil little laugh because she knew what I was doing.

I told her the situation, and she offered to do a little reconnaissance operation for me.

She came back after her stealthy maneuvers she gave me the all clear.

While she was gone, I quickly wrote my note in the card.

I've been thinking a lot about this, and what I need to say. I think I need to keep things simple and short so I land on 'Thank you, but I can't. I'm sorry.'

That's all I would say to him face to face, so I think it's appropriate... sure it's a little chicken but it's still a step for me.

In the past I would have just held onto the ticket and ignored him for months on end until the concert was over then go from there... so believe it or not this is progress.

So once I knew the coast was clear I was off on my mission for the day.

I walked to an area my department uses, that is located near his desk.... even though Sunshine gave me the all clear I was still a little nervous.

Then I made my move... I walked over and stood next to a shelf on the opposite side of his cubicle and I flung the card. It landed right next to his keyboard, and I'm pretty sure no one saw me... then I ran away like some school kid who did a door knock ditch!

What is wrong with me?! I'm a grown adult, why do I do these things? I know why I do them, to avoid an awkward conversation that would end with me getting stressed from guilt and manipulation.

Yes, this is better. Forget the golden rule... or maybe not? Again I may want to have this happen to me instead of an awkward and embarrassing conversation.

Whatever, what's done is done and the rest is soon to be history.

After it was all over, I called Sunshine to tell her 'mission accomplished', her response... 'I'm so proud of you!'

I replied with 'Really? Why?? For being a sissy?' because that's how I feel. She said being weak would be not doing anything and going to the concert... I suppose she is right it's just a different tactic than most adults would take.

Then I texted the Coffee Fairy because she's been in the loop on the whole thing, and she said 'Congrats! Don't you feel fantastic?'

Truth be told, I don't... I feel a little happy, and a little guilty because of the whole golden rule thing and I told her that... she made a good point and said I shouldn't feel guilty because I'm the one being manipulated and I don't owe him anything.

Ok... so only one more person to inform... the BFF. Who this guy did the same thing to years ago... when I was with Mr. Wonderful... although he was much more overt professing his love to her.

I told her, knowing she would respond with 'what?! you haven't done that yet?!' first... then give me a bit of moral support... and I was right on track.

She said the same things as the other two girls and added in a bit of 'you can't help how you feel, and you can't help how he feels.'

Now I just get to sit back and wait to see what will happen from here.