Day 137: Preparing for Prince Charming

My mission for the first part of the day.... to find something to wear to the party tonight.

I have a pretty good idea of what I want to wear and even a few stores where I know I can find it so this should be pretty easy.

For the first time ever, I went in a different entrance to Macy's which is my usual starting point. It felt a little awkward, but also a little liberating as if that tiny step was a bigger indication of the change I could impart into my life.

The quest began, I took a quick glance through Macy's and found a cute shirt... not one I could wear tonight but down the road so I grabbed it and checked out and continued on my way to the next store.

There it was right where I left it before Christmas, the sequined tank top that will go perfectly with my black mini skirt, tights and stiletto booties. Score one for Cinderella!

I was starting to get tired, so it was perfect timing. I had plenty of time to get in a quick nap before getting ready.

Then the phone rang. It was Mr. Wonderful's mom. She was heading to our favorite little watering hole with her daughter and her daughter's boyfriend and she wanted to know if I could join them.

I knew it wasn't the best idea, but I couldn't say no. I haven't met the boyfriend, and I haven't seen his sister in a really, really long time.

Our standard operating procedure is to get margaritas, but I decided today it may be in my best interest to have beer since I had a long night ahead of me.

When I walked in, they were all sitting there with a table full of margaritas and I knew I was in trouble.

I immediately caved and ordered a margarita.



One led to two... which led to three. Before I knew it, it was time to head home to start getting ready.

On the drive home I started to feel the exhaustion set in, but I knew I had to power through.

Before I knew it the Pixie had arrived, looking fabulous in her stunning fits like a glove Michael Kors dress and we were off to the party.

Both of us were excited about the possibilities the night had ini store for us. When we arrived there was a house full of people, and surprisingly I didn't recognize as many as I thought it would, which was a bit of a blessing.

I used to work with the hostess and I started thinking it could end up being a big work party, and I'm pretty sure Prince Charming isn't one of my co-workers.

We found the bar and started mingling. The more I looked around, the more I realized it was a house full of families and couples with a handful of single guys throw in for good measure.

Most of course were guys I know from work so I had a feeling my Cinderella evening was not going to happen.

Then around 11pm the place cleared out and the Pixie and I knew we had a decision to make. If we were going to get a New Year's kiss and have even the slightest possibility of finding our Prince Charming's it was going to have to be somewhere else.

She immediately texted our driver to see if he could pick us up and take us somewhere else before midnight. There was a short back and forth exchange and then he made the decision for us.

'I will be there close to midnight'... and that... my friends.... was the deal breaker.

We couldn't be driving across town at the stroke of midnight... that certainly wasn't very Cinderella like. Well I suppose that is sort of the definition of Cinderella, racing away in a 'chariot' as the clock chimes 12 times.

Nonetheless it wasn't our idea of a Cinderella moment so it wasn't going to happen. We were going to stick it out... kiss or no kiss.

As we made our way into the other room for some munchies the hostess introduced us to some late arrivals. As one of them shook my hand, he took an immediate and what I felt was a very obvious look at my left hand.

The guy nearly bowed... at the very least bent over to get a good look. He was wearing glasses, they should have helped him see without going to that extreme.

What is it with guys today? I suppose it could be me just noticing something that has been happening all along, but come on if you're going to look at least do it non-challantly. Glance... look away and then look back. Someone should teach a class on this!

The conversation was cut short, and we made our way to the other room. Before long the d.j. announced 2011 was just 4 minutes away.

I looked up and caught the glance of guy I work with, we made out once a while back, and for a brief moment I thought maybe he could be my New Year's kiss but then quickly dismissed it as a really bad idea. No point going down that road again.

10.... 9.....8... As the countdown began there was awkwardness in the air, I had to come up with a way to ease the tension for myself and for everyone at the table.... 7... 6.... 5.... think quick... 4... 3... 2.... 1... grab the champagne glass and toast! Yes! That's it! Toasting is a universal gesture that everyone can get involved in. Perfect!

And that... was that... I poured myself another glass of wine and chalked up my Cinderella moment to something that would happen in 2011.

Day 138: New Year's Eve... Eve

Forget sleeping in today, I forgot I scheduled a massage for 9am, which means I need to be awake no later than 8 to start getting ready.

Perfect. Not that I'm complaining about a massage but in hindsight my planning could have been a little better.

After the rub down and adjustment at my chiropractors office I decided I needed to be productive so I stopped by my local home improvement store.

It's a cold day here in the desert and I knew I didn't want to leave the house so I thought working around the house would be a good way to spend the day.

I've been putting off re-grouting the floor of the shower in my master bathroom since I bought the house nearly 2 years ago, and today is the day.

I grabbed all the necessary equipment and set out on my mission for the rest of the day.

Once I was home I went right to work, trowel in hand.

For some reason I was fighting a headache and spending the day on my knees bent over the floor of a shower scraping grout didn't help the situation at all but I plugged away. Slopping, shoving, scraping and cleaning. Outside of the headache it really wasn't all that bad.

I let it dry and realized I had a few areas I needed to go over a second time. I quickly did that, and then read through the instructions for what was I'm pretty sure the 4th time.

When I got to the bottom the last line said 'Do not grout when the temperature is below 50 degrees.' Crap.

Out of all my 16 years living here I don't know if we have ever had a day when the temperature was below 50 degrees... until today... and of course this is the day I chose to re-grout the bathroom.

Not only that, but how many times did I read the instructions and miss that crucial detail??



Ok so in reality it's not that big of a deal, because inside the house it's 70 degrees, and it is close enough to 50 outside I think I'll be fine but it was still pretty funny.

I know my handiwork doesn't look that fabulous but trust me it is better than it was before. The entire floor needs to be redone, but I'm no where ready for that, so baby steps it is.

About the time I finished, I got a text from the Pixie. 'Can you meet for a drink tonight?'

I was still battling the headache but decided it was a good idea anyway. I had enough staring at the shower floor and laying on the couch.

We met at a local wine bar where they pour a ginormous glass of wine for the price, and sat back to chat about recent developments in our lives.

We went full circle from our most recent dreams and goals, to our love lives, astrological signs, even excitement for what is to come in the new year.

She is my 'plus 1' for tomorrow's New Year's Eve party. We both have a really good feeling about the night but as always, especially with New Year's you can never tell.

I have found I always hype up the night to some ridiculous level and it never lives up to my expectation.

This time may be the same, but... and there is a but.... I'm going to a party and the hostess is the gal who recently got married.

At her bridal shower I sat down and faced the quote from Cinderella, just a short time after the tea leaf reader said I was Cinderella during my reading. Then there is the whole midnight connection in the Cinderella story and New Year's Eve.

Could it all be coincidence? Sure. I guess I've got a little more than 24 hours to find out.

Day 139: The joys of flying

Time to head home... or I guess I should say my second home. My parents house still feels like home to me and it may always be that way.

It was smooth sailing this morning. I started the day with another of my dads fabulous omelets, which would hopefully take me through my long day.

My mother always thinks I need to be at the airport 2 hours before my flight, I always disagree, but she always wins. It's been so bad, there have been times I've arrived at the airport so early the airlines haven't even designated a gate yet.

Today I wore her down and agreed to a 1 and a half hour pre arrival time, and today was one of those times when she was right.

We live about an hour from the airport and on our way there we looked up at the flashing highway sign saying there was an accident up ahead.

Great. We were right on track, but if we get stuck in traffic for 30 minutes I'm going to be in big trouble.

My brother took a short detour and since I'm Paranoid Perry, I jumped on the navigation system to make sure I would get to the airport on time.

My dad was in the back seat and I'm pretty sure he could have cared less if I got stuck or not, because it would mean I could stick around for a few extra days.

But the lady in the box said I would be there with plenty of time and I believed her so I was able to relax a little.

There were some big lines at the airport, but while I was waiting to check my luggage I received a text saying my flight was delayed, so I knew I had some extra time, and of course I made it through with plenty of time.

It was a good flight, a quick flight, but all that changed when we touched down.

I immediately went down to wait for my luggage, and I waited... and waited.

It was going on 20 minutes and there was still no sign of our luggage.

We were directed to carousel 2, where I witnessed a flurry of suitcases and bags flying down the chute... waiting for their rightful owners to recognize them and take them home then.... nothing... it stopped.

The computerized announcer guy kept reporting bags were arriving, with the exception of our flight, on the carousel but there was nothing. The sign on the carousel said 'all bags delivered' for several flights but ours sat like a lone soldier on the board 'awaiting bags' amid a sea of 'all bags delivered'.

In the middle of the waiting there was a brief moment of levity when the announcer would page fictitious tv characters... 'Gregory House you have a message waiting at the white paging phone'.... 'Michael Weston you have a message at the white paging phone.'

Then we heard it, like a beacon of light on a dark and dreary day... or a voice from above... our luggage was arriving on a different carousel. The herd all migrated one carousel over and waited patiently for our bags.

There were a lot of families and older people traveling, and while I was waiting for my bag I smelled a fart. Seriously could this get any worse? I've been waiting for 30 minutes for my bag, all I want to do is get home and now I have to sit through a gas attack while waiting for my suitcase?

Sure I suppose I could have moved but it would have meant jockeying for a new position next to the carousel and it wasn't worth it to me. I would weather the storm and be fine.

Thankfully my bag was one of the early bags, I was able to remove it, get out of there quickly and head on my way home.

Day 140: Just like old times

Today was reminiscent of the days growing up.

We all had dinner together, and it was a typical meal for us growing up.

Dinner was steak, potato, salad and a vegetable. As always the last one to sit at the table is responsible for the prayer.

Tonight we had a quite a bit of leftovers but it was delicious as always.

After dinner I sat down with my dad to watch the college football bowl game.

As usual, we got aggravated with our team when they made stupid mistakes but then immediately turned around and cheered them on during the next play when they did something we approved of.

The game started late for us, 9pm, and by the time the first quarter we were both dozing off at different times.

I would yell when we did something good and wake him up, and he would do the same to me.

It was nice just sitting there... correction... laying there.... without a care in the world.

But sadly it must come to an end, tomorrow I'm heading home and back to my reality.

Day 141: All about mom

Yesterday was all about dad, and today was all about mom… well kind of.

The day started with a hearty breakfast of 'egg concoction' as we like to call it in our house.

It's basically cleaning out the leftover and extras in the fridge and throwing them into an egg mixture, this is always done with dad.

More recently he has taken on an affinity for omelets, so that's how they are created now.

It was slim pickins' today, our selection of ingredients included green onions, green peppers, and wild mushrooms he picked from under a tree in the backyard.

Evidently he picked up a book on wild mushrooms that identify which ones are edible and which ones will make you really sick.

As he brought them out and told me what they were I said 'are they going to make me see funny things?"

He replied 'ooh, not any more than me!'

Keep in mind I have eaten a lot of things in this house that normal people would not have ever even considered.

My dad is a resourceful man and will find ways to make meals out of nearly nothing.

Here's an example. As a young teenager I was visiting a friends house a few miles further out of town than where we live, since I
wasn't old enough to drive I was relying on my dad to drop me off and pick me up.

On the way home he pulled off on the side of the road. I didn't pay much attention to what he was doing, because he's always finding special little 'treasures' whether it's a hubcap, or a piece of wood he thinks he can use somewhere he's always coming home with something.

But this day was different… much different. He opened the door on my side of the car, threw something on the floorboard, shut the door and walked to the driver side.

When I looked down I saw a squirrel! I immediately pulled my feet up into the seat of the car afraid the thing was rabid and would come back to life and start gnawing on my ankles.

When he got into the car I said 'what's that?!' and his response was simple 'dinner'.

And sure enough it's what we ate for dinner. At the time my mom was working out of town several days a week so I knew we were 'fending for ourselves'.

This is just one example of the craziness encompassing food in our house growing up. I could go on and on… from snapping turtles in our pond, to our stray goose that briefly became a sort of family mascot, to the canned salmon I thought was cat food… it never ends.

So today when my dad said 'wild mushrooms' I just gave in, I'm too old to fight it now, and besides I figure I've built up an immunity to most of it, or at least an iron stomach.

After my omelet feast I headed to my mom's office where I helped with the filing, and did a little computer work. We spent the afternoon talking and working and once again it was nice to have some one on one time.

Of course the conversation turned to dating, as it always does, she is so concerned I'm going to end up an old spinster.

She has her own 'style' of doing it but every time it has the same feel... awkward.

Today it was 'so do you have a boyfriend?' Sometimes it's 'is there someone special in your life' or 'are you dating?'.

Normally I would just say 'no' but knowing she is just concerned and not prying for information I told her I have been dating but there is no on special to report.

That seemed to do the trick.... this time.

Thankfully the phone rang and I was saved by the proverbial bell. Sometimes she has a really good memory and picks up the conversation after the phone call, but today I was lucky or smart.

I picked up a catalog and quickly changed the subject when she was done. If only I could do that every time the subject comes up then I'd be fine.

Day 142: Dad time

Home is always a good time to decompress, unwind and relax.

Sure I could go racing from house to house visiting all my friends from high school, but I'd rather just sit around my parents house in my pajamas and watch tv, or enjoy my time with them.

If there is one thing I have learned over the past few years, it's that life is short, and as my parents get older mortality is more and more evident to me.

I certainly don't want to be the child who regrets not spending enough time with them. Although I don't think I will ever spend as much time as I would like especially because I live so far away.

But today was different. It was all about dad time, there was no one around just me and him and the football game.

In so many ways it was like time had stood still and I was back in high school, but yet it was so much different.

After the game he pulled out a box that was sitting next to his recliner and he started going through it.

It was a treasure trove of memories.

Inside were pictures of my aunt and uncle from 50 years ago, his Army dog tags, pictures of his first car, and a car he bought when he came back from being in the military.

There were pictures of my mom, of him in the Army, military letters and certificates, and even a few 'antiques' as he called them.

I even learned the meaning of a 'dance card' straight from the source, although admittedly his was empty because as he says 'I wasn't much of a dancer'.

Not surprising, I don't know if I have ever seen him cut a rug in my life.

There were a few fancy lighters in the box, one is a small Coke bottle. He asked if any of us kids collected Coke stuff and I told him no, and then he just gave it to me. It is at least 50 years old, he assumed it is worth something but I have no idea, and I don't intend on looking into it.

Then as he dug deeper into the box he found an old tripod still in the box. He bought it when he was in the military serving in Germany in 1953, and he said 'do you want this? I don't know if it's ever been used but your the most likely to have and use it I'd say'.

I had to agree, I am the photographer/videographer out of the 3 of us kids. So I snatched it up. It's so cool to have this really old piece of equipment that he held on to for so long that was a part of his life (even though he didn't use it).



He always had a big camera when we went on vacations and photography was something he did quite a bit of when he was younger so this memento is very cool to have.

Although I am a little weirded out that he is doing all of this. It's like he knows something is going to happen and he wants to make sure he tells his history and his 'treasures' are going to be well taken care of.

He initially started looking through the box to find a letter his mother had written to him when he went in the military. His parents were older when he was born and since they didn't know how long he was going to be gone, she just wanted to let him know they had done the best they could and they wished they could have done more for him.

He kept looking for that letter, he had seen it recently but couldn't remember where he had placed it. It's like he wanted me to read it because maybe in some way it summed up how he feels about himself with us kids.

Either way I don't like where any of this is going and how he is acting. It's weird, and even though I know I'm going to have to deal with it eventually I don't want to think about him not being in my life.

Day 143: My new BFF

I slept in but not long enough. My mom must have anticipated I would be in bed until noon because I think she was a bit surprised when I came downstairs at 9:30.

She was making homemade sticky buns… I can't remember the last time she did that. Being the only kid at home certainly has it's advantages, it's like she's catering to me. I love it!

At first it was weird having my parents all to myself. It happened for the first time earlier this year. Since I'm the youngest it's something I've never experienced.

It's not like I've felt neglected or anything, I just didn't quite know what it was like and it is nice to be able to talk to them without interruptions and to just have that real one on one time.

I took advantage of that today, we sat around all morning and just talked. It's sad it's taken this long in my life for that to happen.

As the day turned to late afternoon we got a call from my brother. He was on the way out to the house with his girlfriend and her son.

They arrived with loads of loot. From the little boys new toys he brought along to play with, to more presents to put under the tree.

It didn't take long for the little guy to latch on to me. I have no idea what is happening to me this year, but children seem to gravitate toward me.

It's so very strange. It never used to happen at all, in fact only one of my friends children ever took a liking to me. He's now 16 but way back he would ask his mom if she would allow me to play dinosaurs with him.

Today was no different. The 5 year old immediately busted out his dinosaur to show me what it would do, and I played right along.

Before long, he moved into the family room with his mom and they were going through a picture workbook together. I came in to give her a much needed glass of wine and he immediately started calling for me as I walked out of the room.

I grabbed my wine (I had a feeling I was going to need it too) and headed back in. After the workbook we started in on our marathon of play time. We played the Scooby Doo match game, and prepared another game to be played, before the lego set.

This little guy has quite the imagination. He was building a club house with bombs, missiles and propellers…. because we had to protect it from the Monkey Boys.

He kept saying 'you have to watch out for the Monkey Boys'…. 'they are robots and they have lasers for eyes'.

I had absolutely no idea what he was talking about but chalked it up to a mind in it's purest most creative process.

Then at dinner after he got a little pouty and made my brother and I switch chairs so he could sit in between his mom and I, he referenced the monkey boys again.

His mom was confused too, and then Toy Story 3 came up. He said the Monkey Boys in the movie were scary. I said 'well I haven't seen it I guess I should make sure I have someone to protect me when I do.'

He replied 'well uh yeah, I could do that'.

I had to laugh it was so stinking cute!!

By the time the night was over, I think my brother was a little hurt because I had become the new best friend. Although I knew I was just the new toy, and we all know kids always head back to their old standbys after the newness wears off.

Day 144: It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas

Clumsy and absent minded might as well be my middle names today.

I had a late flight which left me plenty of time to clean up the house, run errands, pack and get ready for my flight.

The day started at the jam packed Starbucks by my house. I stepped up and ordered my grande peppermint latte and waited.

When the drink came up, my clumsiness kicked in, I knocked the side of the cup and before I knew it… the lid popped off… and I had created a peppermint latte tsunami across the counter.

The barista was oblivious because it was so busy. I was completely overwhelmed. I knew napkins weren't going to help I needed a towel, but I couldn't get one until the barista noticed.

In the meantime a chivalrous guy grabbed 2 handfuls of napkins and I began sopping up my cup full of deliciousness but it was
only a slight help. Before long she handed me a towel and another guy pitched in… probably because it was impacting his drink.

They made me a new drink, which was really nice, and I was on my way, but my clumsiness was just beginning.

When I was getting ready I nearly knocked over a shelf in my bathroom, then when I was getting my luggage in the car, I
accidentally hit the 'panic' button on my keychain remote so the horn was honking and the lights were flashing.

I was a little afraid as I heeded to the airport, then the absentmindedness kicked in. I got about a mile away from my house and I realized I forgot my coat!

In most cases that wouldn't be such a huge deal, but I was heading back to the midwest where there were 6 inches of snow on the ground. Not exactly a place where you want to be 'coatless'.

At this point I was running late, but I had to go back, no doubt about it.

On the flight I ended up sitting next to a flight attendant for another airline who was heading home to her family. She was an older lady, in her 60's, but we had a great time chatting about everything from their lack of a contract to the personalities of people from different regions of the country.

We also talked about dating, and relationships. I mentioned my dilemma of feeling lost somewhere in the middle of the dating pool, with younger guys seeming too young, and older guys seeming way too old. She chimed in with stories of her children and her nephews and their girlfriends.

With about 45 minutes left in the flight I saw her catch a glance at my left hand, I knew she was looking for a ring. Earlier in the conversation she had asked if I had kids, and I told her 'no', so I knew she was up to something. Then when I looked at her face i saw a twinkle in her eye.

She asked for my business card, and then asked for my cell phone number. Then she hinted that we may have to go for a drink when she's in town sometime, and she would invite her 42 year old nephew who lives in my town.

The magic of the season had me believing it may actually work, but then again, I've had a few of those experiences and they either never pan out, or the guy is single for very good reason.

We landed and said our goodbye's and went our separate ways. My brother sent me a text saying he was coming to pick me up with his girlfriend and her 5 year old son.

Great, I thought to myself, now I have to sit in a car with an anxious and excited 5 year old boy for an hour on Christmas Eve?!

At least I had an hour to get myself prepared for it… because when I landed my brother still hadn't left my hometown, which was an hour away, and it was snowing, sleeting, something which would make the trip even longer. But that was fine I'd rather them be safe instead of racing to get me and getting hurt.

So there I sat in the airport at 9:45 p.m. I looked around and I saw a few airport workers, sweeping the floor, emptying the trash, and performing security, beyond that there was myself and a lady and her son. It was a little creepy. To see what is normally a place full of life and energy be so quiet was a little eerie.

I hopped on my phone and sent some friends some birthday messages on Facebook and tweeted a few messages to pass the time and before I knew it, my brother and the 'gang' showed up and I have to say I was pleasantly surprised.

The 5 year old was sound asleep in the back seat of the car. I didn't even know he was in the car until I turned around, and he slept the whole way home.

As we got closer to the house the snow started piling up. There was more in my hometown than there was in St. Louis and it looked like a winter wonderland.

The snow covered the ground, and the limbs on the trees…. it finally felt like Christmas.





When I walked in the house my mom came out of the bedroom to give me a big hug. She said my dad told her he heard a 'burglar' in the house. He was right I did plan on stealing some food.

It's kind of the running joke in the family. My dad likes to call me the 'good eater', because evidently I'm a garbage disposal. I ran into their bedroom to give him a hug and a kiss on the cheek. It's good to be home.

Day 145: My date with Santa

Today is Mr. Wonderful's birthday.

In years past I would have sat at home, and enjoyed some wine in a very melancholy state, but not this year.

Earlier in the week, the Encourager suggested we get together and sit on Santa's lap, and I thought it was a stupendous idea so of course I jumped on board.

Tonight when the time rolled around, she headed over to my place and we took off for the mall. We were hoping there wasn't going to be a line, but you never know. Santa is a popular guy 2 days before Christmas.

As luck would have it we hopped in line and there weren't that many kids in front of us.

As we looked around we noticed we were (of course) the only 2 without children in the line.

We stood, and waited, and after moving a good 10 feet the Encourager brought my attention to a young child behind us in line.... because she was throwing up.

Yes.... vomiting... not once... but multiple times.

Do you think the mother got out of line? No.. absolutely not that would be the common sense thing to do. She did let a group past her.

Then a short time later we heard her ask if she could regain her spot in line, directly behind us to which the others agreed.

At that point, the Encourager and I inched ourselves closer to the people in front of us.

I didn't know what to do. All I could think about was that child projectile vomiting on my Michael Kors leather jacket.

The Encourager cannot stand the smell of vomit so she was beside herself as well.

At one point I thought it might be a good idea to let the child go ahead of us, if she was upset maybe getting her in front would protect us from any bodily fluids.

Then I thought twice... if that little girl did let one fly and she was in front of us... I wouldn't be able to sit on Santa's lap.

We were in a no win situation.

We kept looking at each other hoping to read each other's minds. I was hoping she would notice and give me a warning if she saw the vomit heading our direction. She was looking to me for support and acceptance to pretty much inch up directly behind the group in front of us.

What a nightmare!

We managed to make it through the experience unscathed... then it was off to do some shopping.

Once again, I proceeded to purchase things for myself and not anyone on my list. I guess that would just be my brother at this point but he still needs something.

I did try though. I went into a few stores, and even called my mom for inspiration. She sees him every day and she has absolutely no idea, so I guess I shouldn't feel so bad.

When the night was through, I had a picture of myself with Santa, a sweater, shirt, bracelet, and earrings. Not a bad night for me. I can't say the same for the little kid behind us in line.

Day 146: Restricting the dating pool

I'm starting to get some grief for eliminating a guy from my dating pool because of his name.

The Pixie sent me an email today and said 'are you seriously not dating a guy because of his name?'

Damn straight I am! I've had years of grief with boys named Mike.

Whether it's their first name, middle name, or a part of their last name it has been nothing but trouble for me.

Perhaps it's just 4 letter names, and that is the most common one... who knows? All I know is... it is not a good combination for me.

Seriously I think I've probably dated 6 guys named Mike in my life.... for some reason they are drawn to me... or vice versa... like moths to a flame.

When I sent the Pixie my response, she came back with 'that's hysterical!'

I couldn't resist. I took a quick break and headed up to talk to the Coffee Fairy to get her opinion on the matter.

I just love her... we are so much alike in so many ways. She completely agreed with me, then informed me she too has had problems with guys named Mike.

She doesn't have nearly as many Mike notches in her belt as I do, but still her experiences have not been good either.

So she reconfirmed my sanity, which is a good thing.

After work I headed over to the BFF's house for a holiday dinner with her and her fiance.

I brought up the name thing and the BFF was on board immediately. She knows my history and with absolutely no other information on this new potential suitor beyond his name, she quickly put the hammer down on a date of any kind.

Personally, I think she just doesn't want to hear me complain about yet another one.

For me it's much more than that.

I just can't do it. I know at my age I shouldn't be restricting anyone for simply their name alone, but it's what I'm doing.

If I had enough information otherwise to sway me in a different direction I may change my mind, but it's not there, and neither am I.

So onward I go, waiting for my Prince Charming.

Day 147: The cute.. and young.. hockey guy

After the show today I was back at my desk when I got a call from the Coffee Fairy, she wanted to let me know the hockey guy was there to drop off a few things we were using in the show.

I didn't expect him to ask for me, but I was ok with it, because he's pretty cute.

So I popped up to the lobby to greet him and he was looking especially hot today. Ok so it's only the second time I've seen him... the first he was wearing a suit, but this time he was in his casual traveling clothes and I have to say they were really working for him.

We chatted briefly about work and then he was off, but before I could make it back to my desk the Coffee Fairy chimed in... he's cute isn't he?

Me: Yes

Coffee Fairy: Do you like him? He's just your type.

Me: He is cute but he's a decade too young, I'm pretty sure he's in his 20's.

Coffee Fairy: who cares?! Besides that's just what you need!

Me: I care!

Coffee Fairy: I think he likes you (she thinks everyone likes me)... he was a little awkward.

Me: I'm sure he was awkward because he felt like his mother was flirting with him

Coffee Fairy: No absolutely not!

Me: Goodbye... I'm going back to my desk now.

But I didn't get a reprieve there either. I started telling the Cheerleader what I had planned with the things the hockey guy had dropped off, then she started in on me too.

Cheerleader: Do you think he's cute?

Me: Yes

Cheerleader: Well?

Me: Well what? He's young... too young!

Cheerleader: Age is just a number.

Someone else listening in to the conversation... it doesn't matter how old you are when the lights go off.

Ok... that's enough. It was time for me to put an end to the conversation. What a crazy bunch of ladies I work with!

I know I really should embrace it but it is really hard.

Besides, I'm not asking for much, just a guy in his late 30's or early 40's who doesn't look or act like he's in his 50's... is that so hard?!

Evidently so, but I'm still holding out hope that he's out there, and who knows? Maybe the hockey guy just looks freakishly young for his age?

Or perhaps I should just give in to my cougar cravings and go with it?

I think I'd have to pretty much be drunk the first few months of the relationship in order for me to get past that much of an age difference. Then I'm sure I'd sober up and put an end to it all, so what's the point?

Day 148: Al Capone's vault? Nah just my oven...

I still don't have a good way to let him down. I suppose I could just let him read this but that's a little rude and uncaring.

You'd think at this point in my life it would be easier but I guess dating doesn't get easier, no matter what age you are, it's always going to be awkward.

In the meantime, I've pretty much been surviving on cheese, crackers, summer sausage, and wine the past few weeks so today I decided to break out of my box and well... break open a box... of frozen pizza that is.

All that salt has me bloated like a tick but I just can't get enough. I should probably just invest in a salt lick from the farm implement store. It might be more cost effective, but it definitely wouldn't be as much fun, so bring it on.

I've pretty much resigned myself to leggings and tunics for the next few weeks so I might as well pack it in and work it all off in 2011.

As I was putting the pizza in the oven I decided to do something I haven't done in a long time, perhaps ever, and that was to look in my second oven.

Yes I have a double oven in my kitchen, for what reason, I have absolutely no idea, because as my grandmother used to say 'you don't cook much do ya?'

She is right. I've lived in this house for nearly 2 years and I'm not sure I've ever opened that oven door.

In fact, the other day I was talking with someone and I told them about the second oven and they looked at me strangely, knowing of course that I don't cook, so I replied with 'yeah I know, there could be a dead animal in there and I wouldn't even know it!'

That had me thinking, so today, I decided to check it out.

While the pizza was cooking I pulled open the oven door, and while there was no dead animal lurking inside (thankfully), I did see a big cloud of dust 'poof' out of the roof of the oven and settle in on the pristinely cleaned bottom.

Well at least it's clean, I thought to myself, that's one step in the right direction. I suppose when the top one gets really dirty I can just start using the bottom one, or I could use it as more storage space, the options are endless!

If only it could magically wash dishes, you see I neglected to check a few details when I was buying the house and what I ended up with is... ovens 2... dishwasher 0. Live and learn.

After checking out the bonus oven, I breathed a quick sigh of relief and sat down with a glass of wine, and my cheese and crackers while I waited for the pizza to finish cooking.

Somehow I guess this whole dating thing with the name guy isn't bothering me too much. I managed to fall asleep on the couch at 9pm.

Day 149: Let the shopping begin!

Fresh off my newfound holiday inspiration, I am ready to shop!

I decided to get a jump start on the stores and do a little research online before heading out to brave the crowds.

Instead of research I found myself shopping, from my couch in my pajamas.

There is something really liberating about avoiding the crowds and shipping gifts back home to my parent's house.

I took care of my dad's big gift immediately and then started in on a secondary gift... a book on winemaking. It's amazing what these stores are doing now. I was able to find a book and have them reserve it at the store for me, so all I had to do was pull up walk in get in line and swipe my card.

Of course that's not what happened. Since I have a lot more gifts to buy I have been perusing the stores looking for inspiration, which kind of defeats the purpose of having items reserved but it's all part of the experience.

No luck at the bookstore, but I did manage to get a few things for me.

Cruising around, top down, Christmas music playing, I definitely felt like Santa Claus... in a warm climate.

At the big warehouse store, I made out with 4 bottles of wine and 2 pounds of cheese and some crackers. No I'm not going to a party, or even throwing one, it's all for me, and I'm going to enjoy every delicious bite... and sip.

Although I'm pretty sure I'm not going to enjoy working it off when 2011 starts.

At the electronics store I picked up a laptop bag, a computer mouse and a gift card for my brother's girlfriend.

As I was wandering around looking for inspiration, one of the sales people walked up to ask if I needed anything, and he immediately recognized me from one of my earlier shopping extravaganzas.

He said 'oh its you again', ok wow, what did I ever do to this guy to elicit that response?

In an instant I remembered who he was but I was still confused as to why he was less than thrilled to see me.

He was the guy who said he could 'translate' a few months ago when I was inquiring about video editing software. Problem was, I had a greater knowledge and just needed someone on my level to talk to. I wasn't rude to him, but I suppose not patronizing him and his lack of knowledge on my topic was emasculating and he didn't appreciate it.

I asked him my question about the mouse and we quickly went our separate ways. I was a little surprised he even remembered me because it has been a few months, but I guess I made quite the impression.

When the shopping spree was over I felt like I'd done a ton of shopping and made some good progress on my list, then I got home and realized I had only purchased things for myself.

I've got a bit of one for you.... 2 for me going right now but I'll get down to business once I figure out what I want to get the rest of the people on my list.

I suppose I deserve them, but its definitely not the Christmas spirit I thought I had within me. It is hard to pass up the bargains this time of year!

So here I sit, putting all of the things I bought for myself to good use, while I try to research what to get the rest of my family in the next few days.

Then I got an email from the guy I met a week ago. He wants to meet up for drinks. He seems like a nice enough guy but he's definitely not someone I can see myself with for many reasons.

One of which is his name. I vowed a long time ago not to date anyone with his name. Primarily because I have dated 6 of them (on the low end of things) in my life and every one of them has been a jerk.

But that's not exactly a reason you can tell a guy... I know because I tried... and failed miserably. In fact that was Shit-head and I dated him for 2 years! You'd think I would have picked up on the name thing a little sooner with him. Eh? Live and learn I guess. He was definitely the last.

Now I'm not trying to stereotype this guy into the others, but I have noticed a pattern of behavior with this name and I am not willing to take a chance.

Not to mention, I just don't feel the need at this stage of my life to date just to date. So now comes the creative way to let him down easy.

That will have to wait until tomorrow. Why do today what you can put off until tomorrow?

Day 150: The Christmas spirit is alive and well

Christmas is just one week away and I haven't bought one present, in fact I haven't even remotely thought about what I'm going to buy anyone.

But now that I have the CD of happy Christmas songs, and a bank account with a brand new paycheck, I feel energized and ready to shop.

But first I have a holiday party to go to, and this one calls for the Encourager to attend.

One of my friends is having a holiday party tonight and I just know the Encourager will absolutely love it.

I have been invited to the party for the past few years, but once again, I haven't felt like I could go and have a good time, but this year is different.

The Encourager and I set out on our trek across the city with visions of sugarplums dancing in our heads. It was a 40 minute drive one way, but the party did not disappoint.

The hostess' husband puts up an amazing model train set every year, and this was going to be the last time they would be doing it in our city.

They are buying a house up north where he can put it up permanently.

The Encourager absolutely loves Christmas and I knew seeing the 'winter wonderland' would bring out the childlike spirit that lives just beneath the surface, and I was absolutely right.

She was enthralled from the moment she walked into the house and saw the setup. Her face lit up, well... like a Christmas tree!

We ate, we drank (diet coke and water), and we were merry enjoying the company of our host and hostess, and we did not leave empty handed.

The hostess kept saying 'your taking a plate right?' The food was so delicious, our responses were 'absolutely!'

With full bellies, we hopped in the car and attempted to stay awake on the drive home.

Right around the corner from my place, there is a house that looks like Christmas threw up on it. No joke, this place looks like the Griswold's in National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation.

Lights on the roof, the entire front yard filled with carousels, skiing snowmen, reindeer, and Santa's. I knew the Encourager would absolutely love it!

As we rounded the corner there were nearly tears in her eyes, she was so happy. Like a kid at Christmas she was so excited to stop and see the haven for all things holiday.

I did a u-turn and and we stopped at the house.

We started walking and as we got closer her exuberance became even more evident as she saw Santa standing in the driveway.

She immediately started up a conversation with him and before I knew it we had a new friend.

When the evening was over, we had made plans to sit on Santa's lap at the mall and personally I can't wait.

What started off as a ho-hum holiday has really turned into a magical winter wonderland.

Day 151: My how far we've come

An early morning and a lot of work await me today.

But the work was pretty amazing. I found myself speaking my mind, and being the cheerleader for the audience of our show.

I also found myself not being afraid to grab the microphone and talk to the audience. I didn't end up doing it, but at least the thought didn't strike fear in my heart, and making it beat out of my chest, like it has in the past.

I owe all of that to the conference last weekend. I can't believe how much of an impact it has made on my life.

After work I had plans to meet with Mr. Wonderful's mom for a holiday dinner. It's something we've done for the past few years, and it's always been a tough for a number of reasons.

One being Mr. Wonderful's birthday falls a few days before Christmas, and it was undoubtedly one of his favorite times of the year. Songs on the radio, or just the feeling in the air conjure up memories more for her than for me I'm sure because she had many more Christmases with him.

This time there was a different feeling to our dinner. I didn't realize it at first, it was just our usual get together, catching up on recent events and talking about future plans.

I brought up Jimmy Buffett playing in Australia, and she was excited to jump on board the trip with me and my brother. We talked about the rest of her family coming in for the holiday, and me going home to visit mine.

Then it hit me, this year was different. I said 'Look at how far we've come. A few years ago we were crying over this dinner, but now here we sit, laughing, and smiling. I'm even happy for the first time in a long time.'

She replied back with 'Yes I'm really blessed. I had a wonderful son for 40 years.'

I remembered back to my drive to the restaurant to meet her and surprisingly I thought the same thing. Just a short few hours ago I thought about how lucky I am to have such a great job, and to have done all of the things I have been able to do in my life.

So many people go through their life staying in one place, going to work and returning home, over and over again.

I've had amazing adventures and gone on some fabulous journeys in my few short years.

I've been to a World Series game, I've swam with dolphins, and gone to see my favorite artist play in an amazing destination. I've experienced great love. What more can someone ask for?

While I am happy to have experienced all I have in my short time on this earth, I believe there are more great things ahead of me and I can't wait to experience even more.

After dinner Mr. Wonderful's mom gave me a Christmas present and a CD of her favorite holiday songs. When I got in the car i immediately put it in the CD player.

True to her energetic and infectious spirit, the CD is filled with happy, upbeat and inspirational holiday songs. I can't stop listening to it!

Up until tonight I hadn't been feeling the holiday spirit, in fact, I haven't been feeling it the past 2 years, but these songs are the perfect remedy.

This relationship, and experience with his mom is just one more amazing journey I can add to my list. I am one lucky girl.

Day 152: The matchmaker (part 2?)

Every day starts with work so it only makes sense that there is the possibility I will find love there.

I've dated at least one guy who came on the show, and it didn't work of course, but it is a good place to network and meet people so you never know.

Not that I'm using my job as a dating service, that would be wrong. But if a handsome young doctor happens to come on the show, of course I'm going to get my 'flirt' on.

For some reason though everyone I work with seems to be on a mission to find me a husband. (Which by the way is still really hard for me to write.) and we have a golden opportunity.

We are helping to promote a local bachelor/bachelorette contest here in town and part of what they will win is a consult with a local matchmaker.

All of the sudden from behind me at work I hear the Cheerleader say 'we need to find someone to go through the matchmaker process' so we can tape it and put it in the show.... and then it got silent.

I knew they were all looking at me.... 'oh crap' I thought to myself.

It's all fine and dandy that they want me to be a part of it, I'd be lying if I said I wasn't interested in having a matchmaker set me up with a wealthy man... I am Cinderella for goodness sake... but putting it on tv?? really?

Come on guys, isn't dating hard enough as it is without a camera being shoved in your face??

I don't need someone documenting me getting crumbs all over the table at dinner, the very... very... awkward end of the first date, and everything in between.

As if that wasn't enough, there is yet another problems with this plan.

The guys recording it are like my brothers.

Would you really want your brother looking over your shoulder while you were on a date? Or even meeting with a matchmaker?? Especially knowing your entire dating life is going to be put on display for the world to see?

I can already hear them laughing at me, in a kind and gentle way of course, knowing it is meant with love.

My mind was racing as my boss came out of his office, then the Cheerleader asked him if it would be ok for me to be a part of it... he said 'yeah if it's fun lets do it'

And somehow, for some reason, despite everything going through my head about being on tape, etc., etc. I still agreed.

What in the world was I thinking???

How am I going to be myself knowing there is a camera turned on me? 'Rock of Love', 'Flavor of Love' even the 'Bachelorette' I know I live in the age of reality tv, but this is so not my life... or is it?

This is so unlike me! It's kind of freaky to me that I've made such a 180 about feeling anxious and nervous about these kind of things, but I know it's happening because it is supposed to.

A year ago as my friends say... I was sprinting the other direction when a camera turned toward me.... now it certainly doesn't cause as much of a concern.

Part of that is the Girlfriend University, where I learned the fear of what lies ahead is never as bad as what you think it may be and I also learned it's just ok to be who you are.

We are all the same deep down so why get so worked up about what other people think of you?? If they have a problem with me, then they are not people I care about.

Day 153: Enlightening conversations

Today is a busy day.

After work I have 2 gatherings to go to.

The first is a reunion for my team from the weekend at Girlfriend University, the second is an annual girls holiday party.

As the night progressed I realized a recurring theme with the evening.

At the reunion I was talking with a woman and somehow we got onto the topic of dating.

I mentioned my recent dilemma of feeling like I'm stuck somewhere in the middle of the dating pool.

She offered up some fabulous advice, saying after she turned 40 she realized she was dating for an energy level more than an age.

I thought that was very profound... if only I could get over my agism.... then I'd be all set.

I have a double standard when it comes to age. I know I'm 39... and I feel like I'm 22... but I certainly don't think the same way when it comes to guys.

They can be 39 but if they feel 22 somehow they are immature... and God forbid if they are 45 and have gray hair... I think they're a grandpa! And some of them are!!

Wow talk about jumping from one extreme to the other... here's a girl who's been single 90 percent of her life now she's a grandma.

Actually that could be a good riddle. A 39 year old woman who has never had a child becomes a grandmother overnight... how does it happen?

Sure it's easy for you now, I just told you how it would happen, but if you didn't know that would you be able to figure it out??

Later when I was at the girls holiday party I heard the BFF mention my name.

I wondered what she was talking about... sure enough she had brought up the kindergartner I met this time last year.

That of course brought up my age to everyone in the room. I, of course, started talking about the dating dilemma that has been on my mind recently and they all started to chime in.

One of the gals is a year younger than me and she's married to a 50 year old guy. I can't even for the life of me imagine that happening in my life. In my head that really is a grandpa.

Another woman announced her husband is 12 years older than she is... again at my age now that would put him in his 50's.

Absolutely not! It's just unacceptable in my book.

Then the Church Lady started talking about her new boyfriend... he's 55 and as she says 'has the body of a guy in his 20's' with a 6-pack and rugged good looks.

Now if she had started the conversation there could have been a bigger shift to the older man thing. Ha ha

The Church Lady also found love for her mother many years ago, and so she said she was going to help me too. I figured it couldn't be that bad of an idea since she managed to snag herself a 55 year old guy with 6-pack abs, then it hit me and it nearly knocked the wind out of me.

For some reason, hearing the word husband really affected me. I'm not sure why. Maybe because on some level I think it is going to happen soon and I'm not sure I'm ready for it. Or maybe I'm simply mourning the loss of my single years knowing this time they will be gone for a long... long... time

I'm not sure how old or who Prince Charming will be, all I know is he is coming and I'm hoping he's on the younger and ruggedly handsome side of things!

But who knows I guess we all need a modern day fairy tail and If I can be a 40 year old Cinderella then there should also be a 40 year old Prince Charming.... who is hot.

Day 154: The dreamy beach house

Today I went into work and I had an email from the Coffee Fairy.

It read as follows:

I dreamt that a long distance cousin willed her estate to you. Why? She shared the same name as you.
It wasn't huge but it was a cute beach cottage somewhere in Cali.
You went out there to live, taught surfing lessons, working part time.
I, of course, leeached on to you and was working as a belly dancer instructor on the beach.
There were lots of cats in the cute beach cottage.
We were both happy and tan.
The end.

It sounded like the perfect plan... the only thing missing was a perfectly tan and muscular surfing instructor who would hang out with us, fan us and feed us frozen grapes! I had to laugh at the dream... it makes me smile.

Meanwhile I'm struggling again with the age thing. Once again I know my age. I know who I should and shouldn't be dating, but I'm realizing I'm eliminating a lot of guys I could be dating because I think they are too old.

I'm looking around at guys who are in my age 'range' and I have to say what is happening in the world?

The guys who are in their 40's that I've met recently seem really... really... old. I just can't see myself with them in any way, shape or form. I'm a young, vibrant, woman full of energy and exuberance. They just seem old to me.

Perhaps I'm just living my own mid-life crisis, but I don't think so. I deserve to be with someone who is young and hot... ok looks young and is hot.

I don't need another trip to bobcat-ville. While I enjoyed it for a quick weekend vacation, it's not where i want to buy a home for the rest of my life.

I also can't wrap my head around guys who are in their mid 30's. They are either too damaged from a previous relationship or they have been bachelors for so long they're stuck with a 20-something mentality... what's a girl to do?!

Well, I don't know about most girls but this girl texted the wine guy.

Sure, I realize he broke up with me a week ago, but he did text me on Friday night. Not that makes it right.

The reason I texted him was not to try to get him back, it was simply a peace offering. An olive branch to show there are no hard feelings.

Besides, I'm riding a wave of happiness and I just felt like I should touch base with him.

Also because he's driving to Canada tomorrow and I wanted to say 'have a nice trip'.

We started a brief texting conversation and I have to say after 20 minutes of pretty average chatter I cut it short and said goodnight.

It's not like I didn't enjoy it, it just wasn't as stimulating as I would have liked.

I realize it's difficult to get into an in depth conversation in 160 characters or less, unless you're really crafty I suppose, but there could have been more substance for sure.

I'm also sure there was some awkwardness because of the breakup, but whatever.... that's the past. That was so last week ;)

It doesn't mean we can't talk about something other than what wine we were each drinking that night, but alas, we did not.... and that's fine.

It is what it is... and if it's meant to be... it will be. Is there one more cliche statement I can throw in there? Nah... I won't go down that path.

I'm not sure anything has changed between the two of us, it's more that something inside me has changed and I want more.

Day 155: Riding the wave of happiness

I woke up today and the world seemed a little different.

It wasn't as difficult to get out of bed... although I still managed to hit the snooze button 5 times. It just seemed peaceful to lay in bed for a few minutes.

The last song I heard on the radio was Colbie Caillat, 'Bubbly'. If Mr. Wonderful and I ever had a song, that was it.

At one point someone told me about 'musical postcards', and i had to believe this was one of them. I felt an amazing energy come over my body and I knew he was with me.

Musical postcards are messages from those who have passed on... have you ever noticed a certain song on the radio at a certain time that reminds you of something special? That's pretty much what they are, and there is a school of thought that they are not a coincidence.

Based off my experiences the past few years I believe that to be true, and it was a great way to start off an amazing day.

For the first time in years, I was happy going into work. I had a sort of inner peace going on. I wanted to hug everyone but realized that probably wasn't the best idea so I settled for a smile and encouraging words.

By lunch I was exuberant! I had no idea why but I was really very, undeniably happy and I wasn't going to question it.

I almost felt like a little kid without a care in the world. I was on my way to grab something to eat and I just wanted to shout 'I am happy!'

I tried calling the Encourager because I wanted to tell someone, I just couldn't keep it inside, but she didn't answer.

It didn't matter, I ended up putting the top down and soaking up the sunshine heading back to the station for the rest of my day.

I haven't felt this way in so long, I have forgotten what it feels like. It was the most unusual feeling in the world. It was like I was completely whole-heartedly in love and maybe I was... with myself! Not in a crazy I'm full of myself kind of way, more in a I rock the world kind of way.

The day continued and so did my natural 'high' after work I was meeting the Cheerleader for a pre-birthday happy hour.

Once again, I continued to hug people. It's so not my style, or I guess I should say it so 'wasn't' my style but I am a changed woman.

I'm will hug people, I will encourage and support them, I will let the past go and I will speak my mind. Oh yeah... and I will be happy!

Day 156: Amazing transformation!

So this is it, this is what I've been waiting for since Friday... the end of my 48 hours of leadership training.

Where will it lead? What will I get out of it?

When I woke up and went to class I had no idea what was in store. When they told us what we would be doing for the day my heart skipped a beat for a minute, but it wasn't anything I hadn't encountered in the past 2 days so I figured somehow I would make it through.... and I did.

I was absolutely amazed at what I was able to accomplish through this experience. If you had told me Friday night, the things I would be doing today I would have called you a liar, but it absolutely happened.

I'm a bad ass and I'm going to let people know it! Politely and nicely of course because that's my nature, but I proved a lot of things to myself during the past 2 days.

I couldn't have done it without the support of my fabulous teammates and some of the most amazing, talented, caring and compassionate trainers I have ever come across.

What an amazing journey. Despite being completely exhausted physically and mentally I feel amazing! I feel empowered, I feel happy, relaxed, and I feel I've really let go of a lot of what has been weighing me down for years and years.

I am transformed! This is something I've known I've needed to do and something I've wanted to do for years, but somehow couldn't figure out on my own. I still have no idea how they did it, but I'm glad they did.

All I wanted to do was go home and put on my pj's and sleep but my day wasn't over.

The Jet Setter is in town from New York for a mere 2 days and I have to see her. She's always jetting across the globe to some fantastic location, and has about a dozen balls in the air so catching up is difficult.... catching up in person is nearly impossible.

I knew it was going to be a difficult evening, because she is full of energy and I was tapped out but she is a good friend and I wouldn't miss seeing her when she's in town.

Adding to the excitement, she was staying with a friend who has 4 children. I walked into the house and immediately gave her friend a hug, I met her boyfriend, and yes, he too received a hug.

After that another guy showed up... yes... another hug. It was so unlike me, but I made a promise to myself after my training that I would hug everyone and I was taking it to heart.

We were celebrating the Jet Setter being in town, but also her birthday. I don't know whether it was the cookies, the jello or perhaps some new energy I was exuding but the kids wouldn't leave me alone.

One was in my lap, another one next to me, one wanted to take her picture with me. They were trying on my shoes, my jacket, you name it.

At one point one of the girls actually held onto my leg and wouldn't let go. The Jet Setter asked what in the world I may have been talking about during my training... 'are you sure you didn't say anything about a family? or kids?'

I quickly replied with 'oh yeah, those words never came out of my mouth' but I they did say that people important to my life and my plans would start coming up to me because I now have an open heart.

Sure, it couldn't be a hot single guy, instead it's a child latched on to my leg but I'll take what I can get at this point.... baby steps.

We had a low key evening hanging out at the house, and heading to a local outdoor watering hole for a few drinks.

During an intermission with the live (1 man) band I heard my good friend Jimmy Buffett playing. It was his Christmas album I recognized it immediately, and I said 'this is perfect! it's like the night was meant for me', even though it was my friends celebration.

What an amazing day, capped off by time with good friends. I couldn't have asked for anything better.

Day 157: The big day

There's not a whole lot I can say about today.

I'm in the midst of my mysterious leadership training at Girlfriend University, and it is tough.

The Amplify U class is one of the hardest things I've had to do. I've been through a lot in these past few years and a lot of it was out of my control. This too, is out of my control, but at least I could run away if I really, really wanted to.

I know I won't though, because I know there is a reason I was invited here. I don't know what it is, but I do know I can't quit because I would be letting a lot of people down.

Not to mention what would I be missing out on? The spa girl who nominated me said she has been so happy since coming out of the experience, and if there is one thing I owe myself at this point, it's happiness.

So I trudged on through the day not knowing what to expect next and wondering what the outcome would be.

So stay tuned for the end result. I'm excited to see what happens.

Day 158: The best intentions

Today is the day. My big and oh so mysterious leadership conference starts at 5.

I woke up a little anxious with our big show and not knowing what was in store for the rest of the weekend.

Coffee was on the morning's agenda. I had the best intentions of getting a healthy Kind bar with my coffee but that all changed when I walked through the door.

As I inched up to the cash register to give them my order I looked over and there he was... staring at me through the glass of the pastry case... the lone polar bear sugar cookie.

He was looking right at me... a polar bear... alone... on a plate. I couldn't leave him there, so I snatched him up and took him with me.

It was as if I had amnesia, I had completely forgotten about my healthy motives just a few minutes prior. That icing covered sugary and buttery goodness had me completely entranced.

As I was driving into work I realized the error of my ways, but I didn't care because it was not only going to be fun decapitating that handful of deliciousness, it was also going to be very, very satisfying.

I left work early to make sure I could get there in time, because I was told 5pm 'sharp'. There was an emphasis on 'sharp', so I knew it was important. I also knew I was in trouble, because I rarely get anywhere early but I was going to try my best to make it happen.

By the time I got home I was a little overwhelmed with what to wear, grabbing something to eat, feeding the cats, and packing.

I was pushing it a little bit with the time, I knew I was cutting it close, but I could get there. I may be racing in at the last minute but I would make it I was sure.

I knew exactly where I was going so I set out on a mission. i was cruising, racing to get to the hotel, unfortunately I hit a lot of red lights which pushed me even further behind.

As I got closer I could feel the rush, I had 5 minutes. I could park, get my luggage out of the car run into the hotel and make it to the boardroom where the group was meeting in the knick of time and that's exactly what I did.

When I got inside there was no time to waste. I immediately found someone and asked them where the boardroom was, and they showed me but the name on the room was different than what I was told.

So I found someone else to ask, he was nice enough to look at my paperwork and told me I was at the wrong hotel. Yes... I said the wrong hotel! Crap!

Now I was going to be late for sure. I immediately called the gal who had invited me, to let her know I was very close but at the wrong hotel.

She said it was no problem and to just head over. I had a brief sigh of relief, but I still hated to know the word 'sharp' was being used and I was late.

Once I got to the correct location I was flustered, anxious and a little scared of what was in front of me but I tried to take a deep breath and relax.

It worked a little bit, but I'm a bit of a control freak and not knowing anything about what I was going to be doing for the next 48 hours was a little nerve wracking and I had a feeling none of that was going to change.

Day 159: Dreaded happy hour

I was planning on going to happy hour with the BFF after work today. We were going with her fiancee's friends fiancee', I know it sounds confusing but go with me on this one.

The first thing after going to work I had a text from the BFF asking where we should go, I threw out a couple of locations and we settled on one.

Mid-way through the day I got another text.... 'can you call me when you get a quick second?'

I called immediately. I knew she was dealing with some drama of some sort by her messages last night, and I didn't want to lose sight of it.

When I called she laid it on me. The girl we were going with is a single mom and doesn't have a lot of close friends. In fact the BFF may be her only close friend and they only know each other through their mutual fiancees who are good friends.

Well evidently this girls fiancee, who is coincidently a guy they were going to try to set me up with but he ended up crying during the entire double date we were on, was breaking it off with her, and the BFF didn't want to be put in the middle of their battle.

I told her I had her back and we would work it out... somehow. I didn't quite know how I was going to pull it off but I was willing to try to be the person who kept changing the subject.

Somehow my mind always goes blank in those situations. If I'm not trying to change the subject it seems to come pretty naturally however.

I chatted up a few people at work and got their opinions, the best suggestion I had was to talk about myself.

So I texted the BFF to let her in on the plan. 'If I start talking incessantly about myself know it's all part of the plan, not narcissism.

When I got there things seemed to be a bit drama, so I decided to listen in a bit.

I didn't have it in me to just walk in and turn the conversation on to me.

There was a lot of he said... she said talk going on and I don't know either one of them very well so it's hard for me to form any kind of opinion to help the situation.

The BFF and I managed to change the subject a little bit, but it always seemed to come back to the issue at hand and rightfully so, she had a lot on her mind and I can completely empathize. I've been there and there was always someone to listen to me so I felt I needed to pay it forward so to speak.

By the time it was all said and done we had downed quite a few cocktails, and I'm pretty sure our server thought I was a lush because he kept looking at me asking if I wanted another glass of wine.

All in all, the night certainly wasn't as bad as either one of us thought it would be, so I guess there was no need to worry.

Day 160: Just suck it up and do it

I woke up this morning knowing I need to do this weekend event... experience... conference... whatever it is... but still not wanting to do it.

But I just need to suck it up... what's it going to hurt? So I called the gal back and told her I was 'in'. She responded pretty quickly and told me she was going to send me some paperwork to fill out.

I didn't feel much better when I looked at the paperwork. A document stating I will need to be without my cell phone and email for 48 hours, and to bring any medication, glasses, contacts, etc. with me in a backpack... or fanny pack.

Ok, so I've already decided this won't be the most stylish bunch of people if we are all carrying around fanny packs.

The other document was a waiver of liability, releasing the company from any property damage, or bodily harm.... at this point I started to get a little freaked out.

I'm sure it's just a formality, but when you have no idea what you're going to be doing it certainly makes you think.

I pretty much obsessed about it all day long.

What is going to happen, what am I going to learn, why do I have to carry things with me?... are they going to make me sleep in bunk beds?... will there be group activities?... what about water boarding? can I take my flask?... on and on and on.

But again, I know it's a good thing to do I just don't want to do it.

It reminds me of when I was a kid and my mom made me go to some camp. I din't want to go. None of my friends were going and I wasn't particularly interested in it at all.

But of course I went because I didn't have a choice in the matter, and after it was all said and done I had a good time and made some new friends.

Sure I didn't talk to them after high school and I couldn't even tell you their names now but I guess the moral of the story is sometimes you have to do things you don't want to do because you know they will be good for you... and this is one of those things.

After work I met up with Perky to go to Zoo Lights. I had planned to ask the wine guy to go with me, but changed plans mid stream after Monday's turn of events.

This is much better anyway. Her husband is working out of town and I don't get to hang out with her as often as I would like... so we're going to make a girls night out of it.

We walked around, had a cocktail and ate like fiends and as we were driving back to work to get my car, we started talking about the weekend event again.

She kept trying to get me to pin down what makes me so anxious about going, and as we started talking and throwing out ideas I started crying.

Somehow feelings surrounding Mr. Wonderful came up. THIS is what I'm afraid will happen in front of 15 strangers. Who likes to cry in public or in front of people they don't know?

Aaaaaggggghhhhh!!!! You never know when it's going to hit. 2 1/2 years and I'm still trying to figure it all out. Maybe I never will.

Perky and I had a nice long conversation and the funny thing is after a lot of comments and suggestions flying in both directions... at the end of it all Perky said... 'I'm sorry I don't have any advice for you.'

I had to laugh, on so many levels. Because she did give me a lot of advice, and just the hilarity that we talked for so long with no measurable outcome.

Finally, it was funny because I wasn't really looking for any advice just someone to help calm my fears and maybe just maybe help me solve the mystery that is going to be my life in a few days.

Day 161: A life changing experience on the horizon?

Today is all about my latest mission... finding a way to get to Australia to see Jimmy Buffett next month. Now that is living life! I just have to find an affordable way to make it happen that doesn't take us half way across the world and back and 3 days to get there.

As much as I've enjoyed hanging out with the wine guy I've put it behind me and determined New Years Eve must be my Cinderella moment.... or at least the start of it.

It all makes sense to me. A few months ago I went to a bridal shower where there was a Cinderella quote on the back of a photo at my table.

That couple is holding a reception for their wedding on New Year's Eve. There is the whole midnight Cinderella connection... and of course I can always buy a pair of shoes for the evening. Not to mention my car isn't the most reliable 'coach'.

The Tea Leaf reader is coming going to come on the show, we are the same astrological sign and she did say 2011 is our year. A lot of big things are going to happen... I'll take her word for it.

While I was at work I got an email from my friend the Spa Girl. It said Person X is going to call you today.. you should say 'yes'.

Her cryptic message had me perplexed, but also intrigued. I had no idea what it meant, but I trust her so I waited for the phone to ring.

I got a text message to my email from the person saying 'can you call me'. I called from my cell phone knowing I would be leaving work soon for a hair appointment

On my way home the phone rang, and it was the person returning the call. She asked if I wanted to be a 'complimentary media ticket' to her upcoming seminars.

They are about leadership and empowering women, she said the 48 hours were life changing. I had to admit, in any other instance I probably wouldn't have thought twice about it, but knowing my friend the Spa Girl said 'do it' had me convinced it was in my best interest.

I know I've got a few things planned this weekend so I asked if I could check all of that information out and let her know in the morning.

I am all about finding my happy place again, I could certainly use that, but I hate making myself vulnerable in front of strangers.... the thought of it makes me so uncomfortable.

I know the Spa Girl pretty well and I don't think she would lead me astray so I'm going to have to say 'why not?!' Life's short!

I certainly don't want to sit around wondering 'what if... I had gone to that conference... how would my life be different'.

So here I go.... I'm going to go for it. I'm a total gamer... what do I have to lose except my dignity I suppose... and I'm afraid that went out the window a long... long... time ago. Ha ha

Besides... it gives me a reason to take my flask on a weekend trip to try it out :)

Day 162: Breakup day? Yeah... I'm a statistic....

I woke up today feeling rested and ready for the week ahead. What a difference a day makes.

As I was getting ready to walk out the door I heard something on the radio I took notice of from a 'that's interesting' point of view, I had no idea it would come back to be my reality 12 hours later. The DJ said today is the biggest break up day of the year.

I guess people break up today so they don't have to deal with all the holidays. I laughed a little to myself, and thought a bit about Mr. Wonderful who had a policy of not starting to date someone new between Thanksgiving and Valentine's Day.

If you think about it, it's a really good idea. You don't have to worry about all the awkward holidays when you barely know each other. After he explained his theory I completely understood although I could never really see myself living my life by it.

After work I got a call from my brother, then call waiting kicked from the wine guy so I clicked over, knowing I would be a while with my brother.

He didn't seem quite right and I was a bit concerned. I asked if I could call him back later and he agreed. After about an hour on the phone with my brother we said goodbye and I called the wine guy back.

I knew it wasn't good when he was speechless after answering the phone. The dreaded lines 'I don't know how to say this... so I'm just going to say it' came out of his mouth and I knew it was heading south in a hurry.

He told me he wasn't the boyfriend/relationship guy right now. I said it was ok, I wasn't exactly sure where I was at either, and i think he was a bit surprised at how well I was taking it.

In fact I was sitting there on the phone half stunned... 'why is he breaking up with me? I should be breaking up with him?' The whole thing was kind of crazy, but at least I figured it must be the right thing to do... I guess he was just the one with the cajones to make it happen.

He went on to say he really feels like he needs to be alone right now to get his life back on track and I totally get it, which I told him. Whether it was some underlying thought that this just wasn't quite right... or he needs time to himself... I've been there.

Poor guy, I feel badly for him. He was so anxious and nervous about it all and then I ended up unknowingly making him wait an extra hour to give me the news. There's nothing worse than having something to get off your chest, working up the nerve to do it and then having to wait... it's absolutely excruciating.

In the middle of the conversation he was spent, he had said his peace and he didn't have anywhere else to go so he just stopped and said 'uh ok... you talk now'. I laughed, even in the break up he is making me laugh out loud, something I will definitely miss.

There was a lot of laughing on my end, because he's a funny guy, and I didn't want him to feel bad, especially because I wasn't quite sure how I felt about the relationship. So i didn't want it to be a difficult conversation, it's difficult enough by nature, why make it worse with drama?

Am I going to miss him? Sure, he's a cool guy, who makes me laugh out loud (which very few people do), and I enjoyed hanging out with him, but where was it going beyond that? I wasn't sure, but I was willing to hang out and see.

I'm not going to lie, the rejection is never easy, but at least I wasn't head over heels gaga. My cautious nature paid off today.

After i got off the phone I immediately started texting the BFF, the Coffee Fairy and Perky. I had to share what had just happened, and I also needed to find someone to go to an event with me on Wednesday night.

They all started in with the usual words of girlfriend encouragement. 'he's a jerk! what happened? you deserve better!' but I calmly explained to them what happened and I think I talked most of them off the ledge... at least I hope!

The wine guy isn't bad guy, the timing is just off, and you can't do anything about timing.

The BFF is a big believer in timing. She met her fiancee 12 years ago and nothing happened, they met again a few years ago and voila.... two happy people in love. She was the one who made me realize I just turned into a statistic!

I told her about 'breakup day' and she said 'holy crap your a statistic!' How did I make it this far along in my life and I've never been affected by this crazy phenomenon known as the holiday breakup?? Wow that's a first!

I didn't get close enough to get hurt this time, but the rejection is never easy. If there is one thing I have learned that I have to believe it is is... that as one door closes another opens.

I know it's cliche but if I didn't believe it I would be no where right now.

After the call I started thinking... it's on for the newest adventure. This is no way so 'stare down 40!!"

The reason my brother called was to tell me Jimmy Buffett is playing a concert in Australia.

We flew to the Caribbean to see him a few years ago so if we could find some cheap airfare we could be on our way 'down under' for another concert adventure.

He knows if anyone will find a way to get there, it's me. When I'm on a mission I can't be stopped, and this may be my latest challenge.

It's exhilarating thinking about a trip of that magnitude. I absolutely love traveling and the adventure of travel, so maybe I need to do this?

Of course I can't afford it but who cares?? Being responsible never got anyone very much fun in life so who knows what may be in store in the next 2 months.

Jimmy Buffett does cure all in my world.

Day 163: Pleasant surprises

After sleeping in this morning we decided to grab some breakfast before I had to jet off to work on my group project.

During breakfast I learned quite a few things about the wine guy... the first being.. he's a bit of a hard ass. It was a bit of a surprise. He's so laid back it's hard for me to see that side of him... but I kind of like it.

There's something about learning those little unexpected things that makes the whole dating process bearable... once you get over the initial awkwardness of it all.

After breakfast I headed over to get to work on my group project with the 2 chefs. I told them about my debacle trying to cook the last dish without a recipe and they were completely befuddled. They had no idea why it turned out so crappy.

That makes me wonder what I could have done! If a chef couldn't figure it out then I must have been way out there, but that's behind me now.

Before too long, the group started asking questions. Who is this guy you're cooking for? Tell us about him? Where did you meet him? Has he been married? Does he have any kids? I was being pelted with questions. I didn't quite know where to begin.

I told them where I met him, the funny thing is I was with one of the chefs when it happened. The chef said 'yeah I remember that guy, he was cool.' Then he went on to say 'It's funny, I thought there was something going on. There were a few points during that conversation when I thought about taking off and leaving you two to talk.'

The other chef seemed a bit intrigued as well, wine huh? What does he do? Once again I answered as many questions as I was willing to while maintaining my privacy then it was time to get down to the business at hand.

Surprisingly for my lack of sleep I had amazing clarity.

Usually when I go to these things I have a 'sleep hangover' from sleeping too much and I can't think. This time I was running on little sleep and I was sharp as a tack. I was coming up with shots and telling them what to do, I was a machine!

I'm not sure if it was the coffee or just my good mood after having a great night, but it was certainly working for me.

By the time my portion of the project was done, I hit the wall. It was all I could do to stay focused... and awake.

By the time I got home I knew what I needed to do. Cook more of the ravioli. Since the wine guy blazed the trail for me I now know how to cook them.

I didn't do a good job of it, but I did cook them.... and I ate them. A nice end to a good day.

Day 164: The redemption dinner

Early to bed... early to rise.

The long night's sleep has me feeling much better this morning. I'm trying to go 'medicine-free' today so I can enjoy some wine tonight without destroying my liver.

First on my list this morning... a massage. Hopefully a stop at Jack In The Box before I get there, because I'm tired and could use a little caffeine kick to get me started.

I pulled into the restaurant parking lot and the line of the drive through was so packed I knew there was no way I could get the food and get to the massage on time, so I blew it off.

After my uber-relaxing massage I took off to run a few errands, Starbucks was first on my list... after gas because my low fuel light had come on.

Then it was off to try to hijack the Costco to get my glasses. I bought them under the BFF's card and hadn't quite figured out how I was going to get back in the store to pick them up without a card.

After talking with her, she said to just tell them I forgot it and see what happens. I had a few other ideas, I could find a person walking in solo and pretend to be with them, or I could walk in like I own the place.

I decided to see what the entrance held in store for me and go from there.. when I walked up I didn't see anyone to walk in with so I just walked right on through. It was so liberating! ha ha.... I know it's a small victory, but I'm the girl who always follows the rules. But it's the little things that make you feel like a bit of bad ass.

Then it was off to meet the Cheerleader for a little shopping. We ran into the mall and started looking around. I ended up with a pair of black motorcycle boots, she bought a shirt for one of her kids.

Then I was off. I had to start thinking about dinner with the wine guy. So much for a lot of preparation. I had just enough time to jet home, do a quick once over on the house and maybe if I was lucky touch up my makeup.

That's exactly what happened. Before I knew it he was at the door. Looking all cozy and cute in a sweater and jeans. I thought about starting the beginnings of the dish before he got there but I didn't quite know how to do the first thing on the list so I decided to wait.

When he got there I asked him, and he jumped at the opportunity to take charge and cook. It was nice. Especially because I didn't have to worry about screwing anything up. If it didn't taste good, I could blame him!

But I knew better. Guys are such great cooks they just don't seem to care and it works out in their favor. And the majority of the meal was already made so how could we go wrong?

We didn't. It was absolutely amazing. The ravioli was delicious, the wine was fantastic and so was the conversation. Before the night was over we had both redeemed ourselves.

His movie selection was much better than the last and my food, even though I didn't cook it, did not disappoint.

We ended up cuddling on the couch, and of course a makeout session ensued.

Day 165: Exhaustion sets in

After fighting this cold for a week and gearing up for our big show I'm beat. The show was a huge hit! There was a good crowd, and the hosts had a great time competing with each other ripping open gift wrapped boxes and in a cupcake war.

When it was all over I felt like I had worked a full day, but I still had 4 hours to go. I had drained the battery in my new phone because I had to be on the phone for an hour and a half to cover the show.

So I decided to stop at home on the way into work and grab my charger. On the way back to work I decided it was top down weather.

I'm not sure if it helped or hurt my chances at being productive in the afternoon, but it was definitely nice. By the end of the day I was officially exhausted.

As much as I want to do something to celebrate the end of the week I just can't bring myself to do it.

Besides it's best if I just relax for a while to get over everything and get ready for the week ahead, because it's nonstop action until the week before Christmas.

I got a text today that my new eyeglasses are ready to be picked up.

I'm kind of excited about getting them, mostly because it's not imperative that I wear them, so they are kind of this nerdy/sexy accessory.

They aren't all style and no substance, they actually do help... buy my eyes aren't so horrible that I can't see without them.

I think it's all because my body is getting lazier, from my boobs to my butt, now my eyes. It just seems easier to wear a pair of glasses, a pushup bra, or a pair of spanx and get through the day instead of worrying about it.

But tomorrow there will be no time for laziness. The wine guy is coming over for dinner. I have to redeem myself for the last time I was in the kitchen so I must be prepared.

I also have a few other things to get accomplished.. a massage and picking up those glasses just to name a few.

Day 166: A flask... ravioli... and an overall good day

I feel like I'm starting to get over the hump with this cold, and if for some reason I'm not the guests on the show can take me there I'm sure.

From a healer, to tequila, and a restaurant making goat cheese ravioli, a dish that makes me weak in the knees. If one doesn't work I can just move on down the line.

I thought to myself, today could be a good day... then I saw something that made me smile.

A boutique owner was setting up her display and I there it was in a pretty silver box staring at me as if to say 'take me home.'

I have no idea what drew me to that glittery pink flask, but I was like a moth to a flame. It was the coolest thing I had seen in a while and I was fixated on it.

I'm not a pink girl, let alone glitter, but I would make an exception for this. Perky was there with one of her clients and she kept asking if I wanted it as my Christmas present. I never answered because she certainly doesn't need to buy me a present but I know she will either way so I should have just given in.

After the boutique owner was done for the show she grabbed the box and handed it to me and said 'Merry Christmas'. I objected because I felt like I had talked about it so much maybe she felt obligated, but then she said 'You know I always give you guys gift cards for Christmas and since your the only one I know now, I'm just going to do this instead.'



Super cool! It made my day! I have no idea where or when I might have a use for a flask but I'll be ready when I do that's for sure!

From that point on I just waited for the show to end and the chefs to finish with the goat cheese ravioli so I could dig in and get myself some comfort food for my cold.

The chefs know how much I love this dish so they called me over and made a dish specifically for me. Wow! I feel a little like a princess today... first the flask, now the goat cheese ravioli, ok so maybe its kind of a jaded weird princess but a princess. nonetheless.

I started eating 1 of the 2 giant ravioli's on my plate trying to keep my contamination to one side so I could share with the intern and the boutique owner.

Before I knew it 2 girls from the morning show were in our studio. In fact I think they were there and eating before any of our staff could get a chance. Then they asked if they could have a bite of the ravioli.

I wasn't planning on eating both so I agreed and told them I had a cold and not to eat the one on the right... also hoping to preserve the dish the chefs had made for me. When they started to dig in I could feel their arms up against my side as if to push me out of the way to get a bite of the dish! Who does that???

Seriously! I was a little irked because he made it for me, I'm not greedy I was willing to share but I didn't realize a hockey game was going to break out and I was going to get checked into the boards in order to do it.

In their defense they didn't know he made it for me but even so would you try to shove a co-worker out of the way to cut a bite of food??

Whatever, I'm used to the rest of the building horning into our territory and jumping into the food before we can get to it but I've never been shoved out of the way in order to get a bite.

There is no sense of respect in our world, it's absolutely maddening.

But I guess it all worked out in the end, when the chef was packing up he put some uncooked ravioli in a container and said 'here you go'. I was stunned!

'Really?'

He said 'Yes really'

Me: 'Are you sure?'

Him: 'Yes, enjoy them just remember they cook really quickly.'

I was so happy and I had a brilliant plan! I looked at Perky and said 'I think I can redeem myself in the kitchen with these! Maybe I'll try to pass them off as my own.'

Now all I have to do is ask the wine back over for dinner again... and I hope I don't screw up the cooking process and the rest of the dish, at least the hard part is done.

Or maybe not, I still have to get him over here and try to pass off the lie.... and I'm horrible at keeping a secret or trying to play a trick on someone. I always end up spilling the beans, but I think it will be funny either way.