The big birthday is here! We've been talking about doing this for nearly a year and the day has finally arrived. My mom, who is usually a control freak, put us in charge with no direction. We were free to do what we wanted with the decorations and the setup of the location.
My sister and I went to work, we used fall leaves from the backyard to place in the center of the table surrounding frames of old photos of my dad in various stages of his life and props to symbolize his activities or jobs.
It was nice, and simple, very much my father. He doesn't like to be singled out as the center of attention but he does like to be acknowledged so this was perfect. He's also a very resourceful guy so using things around the house as his decorations was also very fitting.
The room was decorated and we were getting close to the start time of the party so we sent my brother home to get the birthday boy and make sure he actually showed up. A few minutes after my brother left, my dad walked in. Typical for him. All he kept saying was 'is it over yet' and 'cancel the party' which made us think we may have to drag him there, but deep down he was pretty happy about it I think.
So I gave my brother a quick call to make sure he didn't spend his time searching the house and all dads little hiding places to track him down when he was already there.
At 2 o'clock people started arriving and before too long we had a good crowd going. My aunt, my dad's only surviving sibling, was one of the first to arrive. She is a real piece of work. She is a short little thing who used to be tiny but like most, has gained some weight with age.
She came up to me and said hello then I could hear her saying 'I wish I was that little', 'look at those two (my sister and I), they haven't had any babies that's why they're so little'. I get it, my sister and I are not big people but do you have to point it out to the rest of the room? It's weird! It's as if we are freaks of nature because we are thin and there must be a reason for it… oh yes that's right it's because we're barren!! Where am I? 1922?
I know plenty of women who have popped out several kids who are much smaller than I am, it can't just be that we are genetically built this way.
A little later during dinner someone said something about grandkids and my dad said 'my grandkids don't to that either'. This threw her off for a second and then she said 'oh that's right you don't have any grandkids… and your'e probably not going to have any'.
What?! Back to the barren thing! Why is this such a big deal?!
Do I need to have a child to validate my existence? Would they prefer that I just have a kid without being married so my parents can have grandkids?
I haven't led the most conventional life, so what? I could have had kids but the man I was going to marry died which kind of puts a damper on your plans in life. Could we have some compassion please?!!
Not to mention, I could still have kids, women do it every day. The last time I checked 40 is not the cut off age for having children, in fact, I just found out this weekend my grandmother had my father when she was 43 and she had his sassy sister when she was 47 and that was 80 years ago!! So what the heck is she talking about?!
I don't know why this has elicited such a dramatic response from me. I'm not some freaky girl who sits around worrying about her biological clock and the amount of eggs she has left.
I'm not the girl who grew up wanting children who feels my life will not feel full without them. I'm happy with what I have and if a child gets thrown into the mix through a relationship, having one myself or adopting so be it. I just don't know why it is such a big deal?!
Maybe I am a freak because I don't feel the need to procreate, but why can't you just be a happy single woman without a child?
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