Day 181: The dreaded doctor's appointments

Today I have a doctors appointment for a routine checkup.

I'm generally healthy but the older I get the more I dread going to the doctor, because you never know what is going to spew forth from their mouths about how your body is going to turn against you.

It is definitely teaching me the lesson of appreciating my youth. Too bad I didn't know all this 10 years ago, or if I did know it, too bad I didn't believe it.

Getting older isn't going to change so I might as well embrace it. I'm trying to treat it like an adventure combined with the game of Clue.

What's that you say? My eyesight is going to go bad in the next few years? Great! I'll keep an eye out for those signs, oh yeah, that's right... I won't be able to see it coming because I'm losing my sight. Perfect.

Next year you're going to have to have your boobs smashed between 2 metal plates. I can't wait for that one! As if there isn't enough humiliation in my life on a regular basis.

Then there's the things you don't see coming. What is happening to my butt, and why can I feel the bottom of my boobs on my chest?

You notice the subtle changes but are they worth mentioning, or are you just having a bad day? Before you know it everything is six inches off the ground and you realize it wasn't just a bad day.

Last week I went to the eye doctor. He mentioned 'readers' in the next few years... great. There's nothing that will make you feel old like a pair of drug store glasses.

Making it even worse was when my doctor told me he would suggest when the time comes I get a half pair so I can look over the top to see far, and look down through the lenses to see up close. Oh... please... make -- it -- stop!

Then today the gynecologist confirmed what my aunt was saying at my dads birthday party. Even if I don't want to be... I should be barren.

I walked into his office today and sat down, there sitting on his desk were some stuffed animals that looked a little like dog toys.

I picked one up and said 'I see you've got some stuffed animals'... he replied with something you are thankful only your doctor will say 'oh yeah, those are my menagerie of STD's'.

Yikes!! I immediately threw it down as if it was contagious. Why in the world would anyone make stuffed STD's?? From that point on I was a little thrown off.

After I got over my slight trauma we went through the usual barrage of questions. How is everything? Anything new or different? Anything you have questions about? Are you sexually active?? I gave him the same answer I've given him for many years... 'no'.

Then I followed it up with 'but I hope to be... the tea leaf reader told me Prince Charming is coming'' He must think I'm a total nut job. Thankfully he laughed.

Then we went on to discuss birth control options 'just in case' Prince Charming does come around. I had heard there were some concerns with older women (ugh... like myself) and birth control pills so I wanted to address that.

He said 'at your age.. birth control is much safer than the alternative'. Great... another dig... I guess my parents will not ever have grandchildren.

Ok so it's not like I'm ready to run out and have a kid but I did want to know what my options were, and evidently I don't have any. I hate it when someone tells me I can't do something... whether I want to do it or not... this is a prime example.

In most recent years I have been saying 'it's not up to me, if I higher power wants me to have children it will happen' and I do believe that, as much as I hate the phrase here goes 'whatever is meant to be.... will be' and at least now I know.

Not to mention I get to keep my girlish figure... thats a bonus!

Back to work and because of my doctors appointment I was going to work late.

I thought the timing could work out well with a pinot noir wine tasting at a local restaurant. It just happens to be the same restaurant the wine guy and I met at a while back. The one where we ended up eating with the PR gal all night.

He was going, and asked if I was, I thought about it, but after my day of stuffed animal STD's, working late and just one day off vacation I decided against it.

Not to mention my cats were out of food, and somehow drinking wine while my cats were starving sounded like a bad idea.... maybe it is a good thing I don't have children!!

By the time I got home I had changed my mind. It would have been nice to see the wine guy, and enjoy some wine too. I'll have to settle for my couch, my cats, and my own wine.