Day 206: A flood of mixed emotions

My friends put with a lot from me, including, but not limited to my sports fanaticism.

Today I had some good quality girl time planned with the BFF, nothing extravagant, we were grabbing a bite to eat and then going shopping.

It also happened to coincide with a pretty big football game I needed to watch.

What's a girl to do?

I convinced the BFF to go to a restaurant where I knew there was a really good chance they would have the game on.

It worked for about half the game. Toward the end of the 3rd quarter she was done, and said 'this is a good time to go, come on'

She was right. I could have sat there until it was over, but I had put her through enough for one night.

We hopped up and went shopping. We both found a few bargains before closing the store and heading home.

As soon as I got in the door I flipped on the tv and started watching the final quarter of the game (which I recorded).

The game was tight, it was neck and neck the whole way with my team leading.

Then my team made a few fantastic plays taking advantage of some missteps by the other team and we scored twice in a row, pulling out in front.

It looked like we were going to win... beating a number one team. Could this really be happening?? My little underdog was about ready to upset the top seed in the country??

Yes!! I was jumping up and down, and yelling, the cats were scurrying like cockroaches in the light because of the abnormally loud noises.

I was so ecstatic I couldn't contain myself!

My gut reaction from my extreme happiness was to call someone that would understand so I could share that joy with them and then it hit me like a ton of bricks... and I immediately started to tear up.

The person I wanted to call was Mr. Wonderful. He would have been so happy to see me that happy, and I can't call him. Why did he have to leave this world so early? Why didn't get have more time together?

It will never make sense to me, just like the extreme highs and lows that seem to come upon me without notice will never make sense to me.

It has been almost 2 1/2 years, why is this still happening? Especially now when I feel like things are going my way.

I know you never lose that sense of loss and I've heard from several people you never know when it is going to sneak up on you and I guess they were right.

Of all the things that could bring me to tears with what has happened, I can't believe this is what did it. Not a friend having a baby, or getting married, it was a football game.

Wow, if this is what happens with a football game how will I ever know when it will hit?

And how will the next guy feel about it if it happens when he's around? It's not exactly an easy thing to deal with from their perspective. Why is she crying over a guy who hasn't been in her life for years? You can't explain it to someone unless they've been through it.

I know these are the things that build character, but it's tough for sure. About the time you think you're over it, you realize you're not and you may never be.

Maybe it won't happen when I'm with someone long term, but how will I know until that time comes? Until then, I suppose I better add one more thing to my criteria... understanding.