Day 308: Ghosts of boyfriends past

Flying home always ends up being a full day of travel.

Because we live so far from the airport, the day ends up being a late morning followed by breakfast and lunch at the house, then its time to head to the airport.

That's exactly how it all went down today, with one exception.

When we left today, my mom got really emotional. It's so unlike her, so it upset both my sister and I. She's a rock, and we've never seen her like this so it was gut wrenching.

It was so odd to be standing on the other side of the emotion. It wasn't that long ago that I was the emotional one, with friends and family surrounding me, giving me the love and compassion I needed to get through losing Mr. Wonderful.

Now I was on the giving end, and seeing how it felt to have the person apologize and want to walk away, while I didn't want to let go.

We eventually set out on the road, but I couldn't stop thinking about it. Maybe that's why I was more emotional than usual today.

During the flight I turned on the mp3 player and hit shuffle. As the songs came up each one reminded me of a different former boyfriend.

Dave Mathews Band.... smooching under the Christmas tree 15 years ago.... Sheryl Crow.... the same guy when he moved away... Tom Petty.... a short lived romance a long time ago... Rod Stewart singing the classice... Smothered Boy... Leona Lewis... Mr. Wonderful.... the songs kept coming and at one point I found myself getting a little teary thinking about what I had with Mr. Wonderful and losing it.

It took me a little off guard, and I didn't know what to do. Thankfully the guy next to me was snoring, and the Glamour Girl on the other side was also asleep so I was able to easily wipe the tears and compose myself.

To make matters worse, when I got off the plane I had a facebook email from a guy I used to work with asking whether I was still with this total jackwad I used to date 10 years ago.

Wow, that was a blast from the past. I had completely forgotten about that guy.... and for good reason. Did I mention he was a jackwad? To give you some idea of how much of a jerk he was I'll tell you one quick anecdote.

After dating for 2+ years, he decided to break up with me over the phone on my birthday... while I was at work during a ratings period (which is a very stressful time in my world). Oh yeah... and he got married 6 weeks later and was a dad 9 months later. You do the math... women are actually pregnant for 10 months. Uh... yeah... did I say jackwad?

I'm really not bitter, I could care less about the guy. In fact, if he fell off the face of the earth I wouldn't even know or care but I do like to tell the story because I like people to know how much of an ass he really is.

But on to bigger and better things. It was so strange to hear all those songs, and feel the way I did.

I know the senses can bring back some strong memories and occassionally a song will bring up a quick thought, but today it was much different. It was like taking a trip down the boyfriends lane.... some were rundown beach houses, while others were homes that looked great from the outside but had major issues going on inside... and of course the house that is the perfect fit for you that gets away.

It's time to get out there and continue down the path, and that's exactly what I intend to do... as soon as I can free up some time in my schedule.