Day 326: Roller coaster day

Back to work... ugh... but at least I only have to get through a day and a half before I hit the weekend.

I have to say I've had a little bit of bad planning with this trip. I had a late flight in, and then decided today would be the perfect day to take one of my cats in to be 'fixed'.

Anyone who has cats knows they are creatures of habit, and upsetting their world is a bad thing.

So what do I decide to do after 6 days of being gone, with 3 different people in my house taking care of them? Of course I think its a great idea to upset the apple cart again, by leaving one cat at home by himself, and ripping the other out of his environment and leaving him at the vet for 2 days.

It's a good thing they are resiliant... and have short term memories.

I had a brief moment of anxiety taking the little guy in this morning. He is the sick one, and while he has been doing great for the past 6 months, my mind still wandered to the ugly place... with thoughts that he may not make it through the surgery.

I had a hard time understanding the source of my anxiety at first. It is a routine surgery and one that does not carry much of a risk. As a wave of nausea rolled in, it hit me. This was hitting close to home because it felt like the last time Mr. Wonderful went into the hospital.

I had to finally pull my mind out of the low place it had sunk to and get a reality check. It still wasn't easy but my rational mind kicked in and I was able to get through it.

And that's a good thing, because it wasn't that long ago that I couldn't do that.

That was really just the tip of the iceberg for the day.

When I walked into work the other producer threw me a curveball.

Not only is tomorrow my bosses last day, but she was also turning in her resignation, effective in 2 weeks.

Bottom line? Our producing staff just got chopped to 1/3 and I am the one who will be left at the helm of the ship doing the work of three people.

I did get a corporate pep talk from one of my superiors... saying 'its your time to shine' and 'we want to see you get creative'. He also had some encouraging things to say about me, how he's seen me grow over the past year, and the possibilities for professional growth with these changes. I left feeling ok about it all, but only moderately.

Later I was encouraged... by of course the Cheerleader.

She gave me a quick call to check in and get my thoughts on what was happening.

She said a few things that made a lot of sense, I'll be the 'queen bee', the leader and the one the department will turn to for answers.

She also gave me a lot of encouragement and support, which was more important to me that being a leader.

One of the things that really resonated with me was when she said she wants to see me take the show and give it my own signature, to find my passion for tv again, and to put it all into the show.

She wasn't saying it in a judgemental manner, because it would be good professionally to kiss up to the new manager, or even because it's what's best for the show, she wants it for me... personally on an emotional level.

I am truly amazed at the potential my friends see in me, and the things they can see that are missing in my life.

I get a little teary thinking about it sometimes because I think they believe in me more than I believe in myself.

Over these past few years I have really found some true friends. I'm learning it's not necessarily the ones you've known the longest that make the greatest impact, its the ones that see you for who you are... and who you have the potential to become.