Day 358: Empowered and Discouraged

It was all about empowerment and discouragement today.... yes I mean discouragement.

I've always been an independent girl who does things for herself, by herself. I rarely ask for help.

These past 2 years I've been challenged in this area. Because of my grief, I was forced to open up and turn to friends and rely on them for emotional support and many other things.

It definitely took me out of my comfort zone, but I realize it was something that made me a better person.

As I've started healing, I'm also starting to regress and go back to my old ways.

I want to do everything by myself, which is great for a lot of people but for me its the opposite.

I have asked for help a few times, not as much as I should, but I have done it.

Sometimes the help doesn't come through and I go back to doing things by myself.

That happened this weekend... well sort of... at least doing things by myself, not having the help fall through.

There are a few pieces of furniture I've wanted from IKEA and I drive a convertible and they won't fit in my car.

So I jumped at the chance when my best friend told me she and her boyfriend were heading to the store and asked if I wanted to come with them to get my stuff.

They were happy to bring it to my house.

One of the pieces was an entertainment center which says takes 2 people to put together.

I agreed to get with her later in the week to put it together, but I couldn't wait. So I spent all of today building it.... and I did it all by myself but not without a few war wounds, a smashed thumb, a bruise and gash on my thigh and some stiff and sore muscles. But it's nothing a great margarita won't cure!

I had to build it laying flat on the ground, and unfortunately I can't get it off the floor now, so it's laying in the middle of my living room... and taking up the entire floor.

My best friend is coming over tomorrow to help me get it up and move the tv over, but until then I have this giant monstrosity in the middle of my room.

So perhaps I should have waited, not because its taking all of my walking space but because it would have been a fun time together, and isn't that what it's all about?

I still feel empowered for putting something together that takes 2 people, even though the point is to do less by myself, but I'm starting to see why I need to ask for help.

Lesson learned. My mom has been saying it for years, and putting it in writing is helping me see it more clearly. I need to let people help me... so I will try from now on. Notice I said try... I am 39 you know... its not easy changing these habits.